Day Two 1/18/09

On the 18th which was our second day out east, we got up late, ate a huge breakfast at Brian's cousin Suzi's house, hung out and then went to the Metro station to head to Alexandria, VA and Brian's Aunt Diane's house. I had a ton of thoughts in my head, but mainly thinking about my commitment not to complain. I made this commitment with myself, not Brian (although it was really for his benefit). About halfway to the Metro station I started feeling nauseous. And it didn't go away. I was nauseous all day and evening. There were moments of unsureness - I really thought I was going to just puke! But I didn't, and I didn't complain either. Here's the first ride on the metro.



After Aunt Diane picked us up at Huntington station, we went back to her house which was a really cute apartment! I loved it and could have lived there. We pretty much dropped our bags and went back to Huntington station and on to Washington D.C. We were so excited to get into town.

The first true sign of the Inauguration that we saw was the MSNBC van. It was so exciting!



Then heard some girls doing an Obama cheer. Here they are decked out with tons of Obama pins. I imagine they were selling them also - lots of people were doing that.



We walked down the mall, toward the Washington Monument. It was beautiful at night. It is such a significant landmark in D.C. I hear there are stairs you can climb to the top and see out - I think it would take me two days and probably 25 inhalers.



Our next stop was the WWII memorial. This is something new in D.C. I think it's awesome. I took a picture at the South Dakota one in remembrance of my grandfather. He fought in WWII and was able to come back to his family. He never talked about it, but when my Aunts and Uncles when through their house they found a barrel or two with some memorabilia, some Nazi arm bands, a Luger stuff like that. Sometimes I wish we were able to know our grandparents longer and when we are older so there is more appreciation of the time spent. But that is a whole notha blog.







We walked past the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pond - I don't actually know the real name right now. But it is the rectangular pond. Here's some illegal mischief that Brian brought on.








The Lincoln Memorial was just ahead. They had just finished up with the Pre-Inauguration concert that aired on HBO. People were in line at 8 AM that morning waiting to get it. It was a free concert and lots of amazing talent was there. Stevie Wonder was there. I really wanted to see him, but we were not educated about the show enough to know when it started or when to be there. It's not something we planned on. Even though we couldn't get close, I totally got a view of Lincoln sitting in his eternal chair. What a majestic man! They just don't make em' like that anymore...



After Lincoln, we walked down Pennsylvania where I got a peek at the White House. We met up with some kids Brian new through his mom who volunteered for Obama. They actually became two wonderful new friends, Flip and Christina. Both hail from Iowa. Flip actually was the Obama worker and who also lived and still lives with Brian's mom. Brian's mom takes in workers for campaigns. That is how she volunteers for them. So Flip is like Brian's step brother or adopted brother. Anyhow - we walked back toward the capitol where we were meeting them and walked past the area that we figured was fenced off for our tickets (silver) and about 500,000 porta potties. That night would be the one and only time I used a porta pottie in D.C. I know it's going to be everyone's biggest question...

So up to the capitol we go and meet our new friends Christina and Flip. After the meeting we took the metro down to Old town and walked until they were going to close all the restaurants. We ducked into one called Austin's and had some fine faire - which we were all starving. Then headed back to Aunt Diane's to get a little rest before Inauguration Eve started, which will be my next post. Here's some nighttime photos of the capitol.



And on our way to the metro I snagged a photo of this piece of art. So fluid. I loved it.

Life is too short!

Last weekend my best friend from high school, Alysia's mom died. She battled breast cancer for two years. It matasticized to her liver and she went quick. Many of you that came into my life after high school have met or know of Alysia. She is a very important person in my life. Her family was my family throughout high school. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts this week. Her memorial is on Saturday - so if you remember send out some extra strong thoughts and prayers to them on that day.

Karen A. Searcy
Karen A. Searcy, 51, Kansas City, Mo., passed away January 30, 2009.
Memorial services will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, February 7, 2009, at
Park Lawn Funeral Home, 8251 Hillcrest Road, Kansas City, Mo. Karen was
born January 22, 1958, to Harold and Shirley Atkin in Kansas City, Mo.
She was a homemaker and enjoyed gardening, crafts and volunteering in
the Horticulture Department at the Kansas City Zoo. Karen was preceded
in death by her parents. She leaves to cherish her memory her husband of
31 years, Michael D. Searcy; daughter Alysia Rae; son Michael J. Searcy;
granddaughter Cassidy Jade Bolin; sisters Valerie K. Sherman and Janet
A. Wotipka. Arrangements: Park Lawn Funeral Home, (816) 523-1234.

Day One 1/17/09

Brian's cousin Suzi picked us up from the airport in her mini-van with "Maryland Republicans welcome Bonnie and Brian" it was priceless. I laughed so hard. When we got into the van I was greeted by Brian's cousin and automatically knew she was good people. We spend the evening eating Texas steak, bush beans, and other foods that would make a republican proud. And yes I believe they are republicans, but it was all in good fun! We stayed up til 3am talking and drinking wine - the late nights being normal at their house. What a wonderful time, though. I really enjoyed meeting Suzi and her family. It was even nicer and endearing to see Brian interact with his cousin and her family (they had 4 kids). He really loves his family, it was cool to experience that. Besides the Texas size dinner, Suzi had decorated their house with books and republicanisms. You'll find an example in the picture below. Day one was perfect and tons of fun - a great way to start our Inauguration experience.

There is way too much to sit down and formulate a blog. I've been putting it off because it would just take too much time. I will let you know I had the best time in Washington D.C. I was there for an entire week - we extended our stay. Everything went smoothly - no bumps whatsoever. And it was life changing. Not in the sense of seeing Obama be inaugurated, but more in an inner sense of the journey of my life.

Because I can't wrap my mind around sitting here and describing my story while posting pics (I am really afraid it would take like 12 hours for me to do). I will stop right here and post a pic or two. I have posted about 40-50 pics on Facebook. Myspace takes a little longer and I haven't had time to do it yet. But at some point, I will sit down and picture it out for all you non-facebook types. Maybe one day at a time would be good. Just know, I had the best time!






Obama speaking from podium after his swearing in. This was my view - yes, a closer standing area than most!

Gettin' ready

2 days of work to get through and then I am outta here! I am totally stoked to go. There will be so many people! It is truly going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event! (I'm speaking of the Presidential Inauguration, but everyone that reads this knows).
I might even get to see a friend from college that is just getting back from Iraq. I'm sure I blogged about her this summer/fall. Anyway - that just adds to the excitement.

eeken excited

Alliteration is astounding. I think I will totally teach it tomorrow.

Anyway - I am terribly excited to be going out of town. It's 10:23 on a Sunday night and I'll I can think about is Friday. Friday is when I'm packing up, Saturday is when we are actually going. But it's Friday that I'm thinking about. I cannot wait. I'm in need of an adventure. I have no expectations. I am totally open to anything that will and can happen. (I usually have expectations, we know this) I absolutely cannot wait 5 days. I don't think I'll be able to do anything at work, even though I have so much to do.

I'm not trying to rub it in, well maybe a little, but I just wanted to spread my excitement around a little.

Happy week to everyone. I know I'll be thinking nothing but of my adventure.

The Salon

Many of you know and regular readers have heard/read about my very part time job at the salon. I dislike working on Saturdays, terribly. Really dislike doing it. So why do I continue to work at the salon? Here are the reasons why:
1. I get paid my measly amount every two weeks which works well for me since my real job pays only once a month.
2. It's easy.
3. They are sooo flexible. I can take off whenever I want, add more hours - whatever I need.
4. If I so choose (which I usually don't have money for), there are benefits - like half off services, 30% off product etc.

And those are the only 4 reasons why I work at the salon. I wrote this for my sanity as I stand here until 8pm in heels knowing I have to come back and do this again all day Saturday.

The pointless point.

I worry about work and personal issues. I often stress, usually more about work than personal stuff. I've tried all year to remind myself that work is just a job, makes your money so that you can come home and do the stuff that makes your life worth living. I try to take on the philosophy that I work to live - not live to work. I stayed up most of the night Thursday, worrying about coming back to work and all the paperwork I needed to complete on Friday. Then spent the rest of the weekend trying to make up for that lost sleep. Last night I tossed and turned, yelled at my dog (she was in the middle of the bed and wouldn't move) because I had a big meeting today in which I felt I had to perform (speak eloquently). So, I get to school early, to get prepared and such. There's big drama and then the meeting happens. I had more people on my side this time (last meeting didn't go well....I don't know if anyone has ever been bullied by an educational advocate - it's not fun). The meeting went on for 2 hours - but went well. There were a lot more positive things said this time. And the advocate was nothing but pleasant this go round. It was another reminder of how I need not worry. I was once so good at my job, and I have such doubt about myself this year. All that I believe is my fault from the amount of stress I create about this job I'm doing. I think it's become a habit - like I don't know how to feel anymore without having all the stress.
Resolution #1 - Destress and learn what it feels like to live without stress.
I also have hit a big wall. I'm having a helluva time getting over it. I need to be healthier. I need to change my eating habit and exercise habits. I need someone to help hold me accountable - to push me in the right direction. If anyone wants to volunteer to call or text me everyday and just ask how I'm doing - if I made it to the gym, if I ate well etc...please - I think I'm in need of a pusher or accountability partner. I'm just not handling it on my own at all and if I look back - I never have been able to. I have always been successful when I've had someone to go to the gym with or competition to loose weight.
Resolution #2 - Find a healthy place in my life: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Those things were weighing heavy on me today. I just realized that lately all I've wanted to do and think about is reading and traveling. Both elements of escape in my life. I guess it's probably a wake up call to put aside the books and the travel channel - which is why I wrote the resolutions above.

Shout out

This is for Stacy who chose to read my blog today (I think she started in like November 08) and chose to leave a comment on almost each blog (she left 13 comments!).

I loved the mass of love! I was totally surprised and taken back by all the comments. My favorite was the one about my boss (getting a new job and punching her in the face..) ironic enough, she was a great support during a crappy meeting today.

And even though I don't always leave comments on your blog - I am a big fan and a regular reader :)

Happy New Year!

Precious. That is my Maggie.

I'm struggling with positive things to say - it's no secret, it's been the hardest holiday season in recent years. I probably say that every year, but I say it this year as someone much wiser and more mature than the person I was last year.

So instead I will name 5 things that I am looking forward to in 2009.

1. Going to Washington D.C, and any other travel adventures I choose. I love to travel and am glad that I'm getting a head start for this year in January.

2. Being in the last 2 weddings I will ever be in that are not my own. After these two, the next one will be mine!

3. Being active and embracing the warm weather when it comes. Tuesday I took a 2 mile walk with a friend and our dogs and then went and played tennis with another friend. I am looking forward to more of those opportunities anytime the weather is warm.

4. Finishing this school year and going into my final year in Special Education. No matter what I choose to do after next school year, my abusive relationship with Special Education will be finished. I will not be writing anymore IEP's, FBA's, BIP's, RED's or ER's.

5. Another year means another chance to embrace my life and all that is in it. It is another chance to release my expectations of my life (thereby releasing my disappointments) and allow myself to marvel in it's fullness and beauty, even in the trying times.

So happy new year, folks! I hope you make it a good one.

Allergies, what?

So I've been back to the doctor for weird skin stuff going on. He said he thought it was allergic reaction to something and then sent me to an allergist. I had my allergy test today (both the prick test and needle testing). In a nutshell (not allergic to those) I am allergic to animals (especially mites, cats, and horses), mold, weeds, Birch trees, Johnson and Kentucky blue grass, sage, wheat pollen, and eggs.

My arms were red, swollen and itchy from all the testing. But it was worth it. I will be getting three different shots once a week. I'm going to give this all a few months and if I'm still getting the red spots on my legs I'm going to go back to the rheumologist. The allergy doctor even suggested that I go to one before she new that I'd been to one before! But at least all the allergies are ruled out. I like knowing something rather than nothing. I don't like the feeling of wondering what the hell is wrong with me. So I'm relieved in that sense.




Merry Christmas!!!

Tonight is my family Christmas and then we'll probably hang out tomorrow. Then on Friday I am heading up to South Dakota to visit the Steen side of the family - see my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I'm going to stop through Council Bluffs, IA on the way home and hang out with the Lendts. I'm looking forward to the little trip.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and that santa is very nice to each on of you!

tryin' on something new

Thanks to April (I cheated off your blog layout) I'm trying on something new. It isn't quite as comfortable as what I had before - but I thought I'd try it out while I was looking for a new layout.

Tag, I'm it!!!!

Thank you for the tag, April! I'm happy to fill this out.


The rules:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions below.
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag. Have FUN!!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Both. I can have hot chocolate at anytime. I usually only have egg nog once a year - a little goes a long way!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa usually puts them in a bag, depending on what it is. And yes, Santa still comes to my house. I will always believe :)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
white on the tree - I'm not adverse to colored though.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I did when I was in the practice of kissing someone regularly. It should probably be the other way around - I should have it up now so I get kisses, wanted or not.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
day after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I have some Norwegian favorites that I only get on the holidays - lefse, krumkake etc. I also look forward to all the baked goods.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
I don't have a very good long term memory - but I can remember one Christmas when I was really little my Grandma and Grandpa Barnes were there and we were driving to church or something and my Grandparents and I were looking out the window trying to see Santa and his reindeer. I love any memory where I can remember being with family. I have good memories of going to South Dakota every Christmas too and playing with my cousins, and driving on the lake.

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
That is when we always open our gifts. Since we usually went to South Dakota on Christmas day, we always had our family Christmas on Christmas Eve. We still do even if we don't go to South Dakota.

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Lots of ornaments from whatever. It's just a compilation of ornaments I've gotten since I got my first Christmas tree in 2000. I have some from students, many from friends and then just others that I've bought as fillers.

10. Can you ice skate?
I don't know - I haven't been for a long time. But the times I have gone I've been able to. I think I'm going to try and get some friends together to do that this year - it would be a fun activity.

11. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I've received so many wonderful and amazing gifts it's hard to say which is my favorite. The top two are my tv and my heart necklace.

12. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
what isn't my favorite? I love, love, love, Natalie and her mom's bake-a-thon goodie bag!

13. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Christmas with my family on Christmas eve.

14. What tops your tree?
a poor looking angel, but she's always been on my tree.

15. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
hmmm..this year has been a hard one for the giving, so receiving. But I love giving too.

16. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
We three kings...All traditional Christmas songs.

17. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
okay - I don't like how they get stuck in my teeth - love them in hot drinks though

18. What do you want for Christmas?
I have no friggin' clue. (and then after thinking I came up with this list:) An external hard drive, more memory for my computer, $400 to pay for my ticket to Washington DC, a new outfit, shoes/boots, a Coach purse (like Celinda's)

19. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
yes, several. Most of them not so party - but more of an excuse to make lots of good food and eat as well as share our musical talents.

20. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
Wear PJ's or sweatshirt and jeans

21. Do you own a santa hat?
Two actually - never really wear them though

22. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
Myself, My family if we get together on the 25th.

I tag: Alicia and Sheila

NEWS!!

Thanks to my dear friend, Brian, I will be attending the Presidential Inauguration! A once in a lifetime event! I cannot believe I'm going and I cannot wait. There will be so many high profile people going. We won't have the tickets until we get to D.C. but we could possibly even have seats (although, I don't know how two midwesterners would get seats...). I'm totally stoked and now have to figure out what I am going to wear (under the layers of coat, scarf and hat. Maybe some new jeans are in order (the expensive ones...)?




Had to get my girl in there!

a load off

I have finally been able to pay for my bridesmaid dress for the March wedding and pay for my property taxes! Whew! It's a load off.

Holiday Traditions

Here's 11 of my favorite holiday traditions.

1. Enjoying a Christmas Show
Brian and I started this tradition, hmmm...5? years ago, anyway we usually go see Magic of Christmas that the Kansas City Symphony puts on. The tickets are pricey and money is tight,so this year, we went to see the Boston Brass at the Leid Center at KU. It was absolutely fantastic and funny! I enjoyed every moment. It's one of my favorite traditions and I fully intend to keep it up every year. While I was looking for a pic of the Boston Brass, I came across this. Enjoy.



2. Putting up the Christmas decs the day after Thanksgiving
3. Going to a Christmas party.
This year, I was invited to go with Shannon and Andrew to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Since I went to one last year, I just recycled that and put more crap on it. Here's a pic of us that went. I don't like they way I look, so I'm also including a second pic of the ladies. (vain, I know)












4. Driving around looking at Christmas lights.
5. Christmas eve dinner with my family at IHOP or Denny's.
6. Candle light service at church.
Haven't done this for many years - but it still is one of my favorite moments of the year.
7. Traveling to South Dakota to see the Steen side of the family.
I haven't done this for a few years - but will be going this year.
8. Baking
I enjoy cooking and baking. I usually do a lot more baking during the holidays than cooking. This year so far, I made krumkake (kroom-ka-ka) for a work get together. My cousin, Maure (thank you Maure!), gave me a fancy krumkake maker a few years ago and I just used it for the first time. I've never made these by myself, only with my aunts at family reunions. It was really fun, and really impressive. They turned out to be very delicious. Here's a pic of my goodness:



9. Giving gifts
This year the gift giving is very limited. I haven't been able to get people what I want, if anything at all. I've even had a hard time giving of myself. I'm not without the Christmas spirit, just without the Christmas finances and the emotional stability. While this year may be a challenge, I think this still is one of my favorite traditions anytime of the year, not just at Christmas. The best Christmas for this was the first Christmas down at the loft (2000 or 2001) with Brian. We got each other an insane amount of gifts - it was awesome! That was back when we had nothing and so there was a lot of gifts to get and be useful. It's hard now that we have all the little stuff we need.

10. Getting gifts
Santa still comes to my house. My family has the best Christmases. My parents are so great about getting gifts that are outrageous for Eric and I and often leave us speechless. Last year - huge flat screen tv for me. I can remember when we got laptops one Christmas. It's always surprising and insane. But I love it - I can't lie. It'll be a sad day when either of us gets married and has kids - that when I see Santa coming to them and not to us...

11. Sending/Receiving Christmas Cards
I enjoy this ritual and try to do it on Thanksgiving break every year. I've started a little late this year, but I'll get them out. I also love receiving them and display them for everyone who enters my house to look at and admire.

Snow days - Hooray!

I became a teacher for a plethora of reasons. But today, the only reason that stands out is the snow day we got today! So exciting. I don't know what to do with my day - stay in or go out? I guess when I check my funds they will decide for me.

The Thanksgiving Report

**gonna be a long wordy one. read at your own risk.

Thanksgiving was a total success. I truly feel the tur-duck-hen is the only way to go. You take it out of a bag and put it in the oven. Nothing is better than not having to take the wire out of a frozen turkey! Plus the tur-duck-hen is very very tastey. The only thing I would do different is put my own stuffing in it. I wasn't too crazy about the stuffing. I am already scouting out people who prepare tur-duck-hen's here in KC so I can customize for next year. And even though my parents brought over a turkey to roast along with the tur-duck-hen because they were fearful, they ended up enjoying it a lot and took home their roasted turkey. This is by far the first thanksgiving in a long time that I didn't feel frustrated or upset about cooking and cleaning up (because, I do a majority of it all since it's at my house). Anyway - I call it a total success. I was very happy with all of it.

That night I got out and saw the plaza lights turn on with fireworks. I hadn't been for a few years and it was a special treat. It really made Christmas start for me.

So everything is going really well and then I was hit hard with severe depression for the rest of the weekend. I felt really lucky not to be depressed this fall (that is when it usually occurs). But like a mack truck, on it came. I am pretty sure the trigger was the holidays and the lonliness. I did decorate my house and my tree looks great - much prettier than the charlie brown tree it was last year, even though it's the same tree (I modified it). So, anyway, I spent all weekend trying to combat that crap. I did get online to check out the 24 hour fitness deals (I've been wanting my membership back, but couldn't afford it) and they had a great deal on friday. So I ended up getting a membership. I've already been a few times and feel really good about that decision. It was one of those things in life that just feels right. So that is a happy thing. And I am feeling much better today, maybe it was just the lonely holiday.

The 24 hour pass couldn't have come at a better time because work is disheartening and disappointing. I have hope for the future, but that is for later and another blog entirely. The working out really does help me so much. I wish I could be consistent about it all year round, some year soon.

I'm really looking forward to a trip to Clarinda for some wedding planning/helping for Shannon this weekend. All the bridesmaids will be there. I think it will be a really nice time.

I'm working on some things for my blog. Hopefully I can get them together and on here for more entertainment than my verbose blogging.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Drum roll.......




Ta da! A Tur-duc-hen. It is beautiful.

Edward...

In one word, I would describe this movie as - okay. As an obsessed fan I found it exciting, reassuring, and damn sexy. But if I hadn't read the book, I might think that the movie is a little slow in parts. I didn't think they developed the characters as much as they should have. I kinda think it was due to time. I am excited to see the rest of the movies. I will be reading the entire saga again at Christmas break - I am going to try and read it in one setting -all four books. Did I mention - obsessed.

Anyway - for the reader, it's a must to go see the movie and probably own them in the future. For the person who hasn't ventured into reading the books, save your money. Although, it is beyond me why anyone wouldn't read these books. They are iconic.

For Stephanie Meyer fans - do read The Host, sci fi and really enjoyable, couldn't put it down (which means I read it in one setting).

I am so looking for my Edward. Readers - all 4 of you - send some thoughts out into the universe for me to find my other, I am ready! (but that's another blog)

myth busted!

Myth: Special Educators make more than regular teachers.

Truth - Every public district (in MO) is on a scale, that is published and your wages are based off of your years of experience and amount of education.
Truth - Special Ed. teachers do have more responsibilities than regular educators (IEP, case managers etc.)

Just had to set everyone straight.

micromanagers

Micromanager - a person usually in a supervisory position that needs to control every movement of the people/person they supervise.

My supervisor is a micromanager. I believe this is the second year that my supervisor or process coordinator has worked in this position. As a membership development director at Girl Scouts, I also held a position that supervised people -volunteer (as many as 200-300). While I see the difference in the number of people we have experience in supervising and that the jobs on the whole are different, managing people is not. There are several ways to manage people, several hundreds of books written on the subject. Any one of these books would help my supervisor (do I hear anonymous Christmas gift??!!). As a micromanager she feels the need to exercise her power in negative ways. She writes evaluations with only negative information on them. She points out people's faults in the middle of a team meeting (with all your peers around). She has to oversee every piece of written information given to parents, every decision made for every child in our building. These are the major things, there are several small things that I could discuss here as well. Please don't think that I am not open to seeing that she might feel or have been told that this is in fact her actual job. But any person put into a management position, or even an educational one (working directly with kids) should understand that for every negative, bring three positives. And that you should never call someone (kid or adult) out in front of their peers, that is bully behavior (and several more professional words that I can't remember right now). A person put into management also might know that the people they are managing are professionals, some with a higher degree of education than themselves. They should be treated as such, and when they don't meet expectations, coach them on to being better - give them the knowledge or places where they can gain knowledge to be better at the job. Give them support. And above all, a manager should know that if you expect something from someone, make it known, make your expectations clear from the get go so there are no questions.
These are my 'secrets' to being a quality teacher. It can be so frustrating for me to work with/for someone that can't uphold them or doesn't know how herself. She continually makes comments about how 'literal' I am. This bothers me. I am not a 'literal' person, but I do expect to have the knowledge to do things right the first time. My supervisor does not give that to me. I think it's because she doesn't know until she gets it. And there is some trickle down from her direct supervisor - not all this is on her.
She is just so frustrating to me.
I'm curious to know how many other of my fellow special education teachers out there have to have every piece of document completed before the meeting actually happens? The IEP, the notice of action, manifestation determination, ammendment to the IEP -everything.

Speaking of the notice of action - since when did we have to fill those out for every little thing? And the wording is so awkward - what urban parent is going to be able to understand it? I feel like everytime I have to use the bathroom I need to fill out a notice of action and have her check it over before I go. Ridiculous.

Enough of my rant. I've chosen the higher road this year to just do what people tell me to do, and go above and beyond for the kids like normal. I feel that there will be a door available for me to open, and when that time comes, open sesame!

I live for weekends.

This was a great weekend. I have some good pics to share. We celebrated my best friend, Brian's birthday. We went to a Japanese steak house, the kind where they cook in front of you and try to throw shrimp into your mouth.


Here's the crew that went, and normally goes. From left to right, if my memory serves right - Brian, Me, Jesse, Celinda and Clinton.

I bought Brian his first Sake experience. It was fun. Sake is good after the first little sips. I also learned from Jesse that, like wine, there are different types of Sake and that it can be dry, or sweet (probably not 'our' sweet). I think Sake just adds to the experience.


Here's our chef making a flaming volcano out of onions. He had a little story to go with it. The fun part of a dinner at a Japanese steakhouse is the entertainment!

We ended the night at Brian's house eating delicious cake he made and Stacey (Gavin's wife) frosted. Brian was very specific about how he wanted his cake frosted. He wanted a black white cake (think Seinfeld black white cookie, or if you've been to NYC - the black white cookie). So Stacey made that happen. It was a great cake and a great end of a great night.

Nights where I just hang out with friends, be it out at dinner or at someone's house, are my favorite. They just leave me with a good feeling.

Halloween, Obama, and Work

Well. A lot has happened. I'll post on it in chronological order.

1. I forgot my camera when I went to the halloween party. But compliments of facebook, I have pictures.




This is most of the party. I have other pictures, but need to dr. them up a bit before I put them on here.

2. History was made on Tuesday night as Barack Obama was voted in President Elect. I'm not surprised, but it's still an amazing event to me. I'm happy to have shared this event with 11-14 year olds, I've tried to impress upon them the complicated importance of the situation. I really feel we are all really lucky to be a part of this. I also am (and remember this is MY blog, I can feel how I want) happy to see a movement rather than just a person elected. It's necessary at this time and in this place. I just feel that in order to put our country back together, it's gonna take a village (or a nation), not one man or group of men or congress or whatever.

3. Speaking of villages....I'm really learning this year in my job that it really does take an entire village to raise a child. I'm being challenged everyday to let go of any and all control I have on situations. I'm also being challenged with lots of failures or learning situations. I can't do it all this year - I have entirely too many responsibilities to keep everything running the way it should. I am in the early stages of failing at my position (which is new, and I'm the only one in the school doing it, and there is no blue print - just a fire that I was thrown into).
And someday down the road, I'll be thankful for this experience. But right now it's sobering, depressing, and leaves me feeling vulnerable.

3 is a good number. Happy week, everyone.

The Results!

This was supposed to be a widget to countdown the results and then give the results out. I got it off MSNBC website. It looked really cool - sorry that it isn't working. Go Obama.

"text/javascript" src="http://widgets.clearspring.com/o/48ffa387494151d4/49108173fcb8deae/49053293fe1d6987/dc6bbea4/widget.js"

Size 10 'shoes

I actually wear a size 9, but I have 10 things here that I just spouted off the last 5 minutes.

1. Halloween is on a Friday this year. That's exciting. I will be attending a house party 3 blocks away. I like to play it safe!

2. Buying hair weave glue really wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. A friend has some red weave we can put in my hair for halloween tomorrow. I am very excited about this experience.

3. Political ads are ridiculous and annoying. I am tired of them. I can't wait for Nov. 4th to be over so I won't have to endure them any longer. And we'll know who the next president is.

4. I hope all people I know that are 18 and over and live in MO, especially, know the importance of their vote. I hope everyone gets out there, waits in line and votes. It will be worth it in the end.

5. I am tutoring after school now. It's what makes my day. It's what makes me want to get up and go.

6. I hope Mona got the box I sent, it's full of halloween stuff.

7. I am glad tomorrow is a B day/C day.

8. I'd like to know who looks at my blog from 'Grandview, MO'

9. I often wonder weird things, such as, Do you think someone could live in KCI without getting caught?

10. (finally) Is it terrible that I'm excited for the pictures I'll be taking on Halloween, as I am for Halloween itself?

Halloween Hair

Thought some of you would enjoy pics of my halloween hair. :)

randy pandy

As I make my way out to popular places in KC, concerts, or the local hot spot I notice a few things:

1. The smoking ban has affected local bars, but not the big businesses or the big chain bars. This is sad, I would hate to lose Corner Cocktail or other Waldo favs. It's also happy because you CAN come home from a binder and not have to smell like cigarettes and beer.

2. More and more wanna be d-bags are wearing Affliction T-shirts. If you're a geek, you're become a geeky d-bag when you put on the affliction t-shirt. Those $80 shirts will not get you laid any more than the $7 screen prints at target will. More than likely your chances are nil anyway. Just say no to the Affliction wear.


3. It's getting increasingly harder to tell who's straight and who's not. Men are just as well groomed as women, and sometimes wearing women's jeans for the tight-jean show. Men are standing different as well. I believe that someday we could evolve into a unisex being. There won't be anymore playing with gender roles because they won't exist.

There's my two on some issues. That felt good.

Toadies

What a week. I had parent/teacher conferences this week so worked 13 hours straight on wednesday and thursday. Thursday night my brother and I went to see the Toadies at the Beaumont Club. The Toadies are an old early 90's band. They made it big with the album Possom Kingdom which came out in 94. I loved this album and listened to it religiously until my brother stole it, or I gave it to him (don't really remember how it went down). So when we heard they were coming to KC ~ we figured we should go.
It was a GREAT SHOW! It was short, they only played for about an hour and fifteen, but still really good. For as old as they are they can still rock. The sound was awesome, some of the best I've heard at the Beaumont. The crowd was eclectic. Of course more men then women, and more older kids than younger kids.
Toadies have myspace and facebook - check them out.

ohhhh the niceness.

So this is day 2 of my oh my goodness niceness. It has been pleasurable. I can't tell you the last day that has been pleasurable. I can tell you that yesterday and today I have woken up and not had to lay back down in between morning tasks. I also have gotten to work on time. I have been pleasant (for the most part at work) and had the best enrichment (the only real class I teach by myself this year) class I've had all year. Maybe I was just feeling so crappy, sluggish, and unable to really breathe that it totally altered my state of being. But now that I feel so good and can really breathe, (it's really a different feeling!) I am so struck to really get some of those life changes in effect. I really don't want to go out so much anymore. I don't really want to drink as much anymore. I do want to stay at home on friday or saturday night (I know, surprise) and just do whatever. I might want to hang out at a friends house one of those nights and maybe watch a movie or something lowkey, but I can't go out all weekend. I do want to limit my caffiene intake. I do want to drink a lot more water. I do want to keep feeling as good as I feel now. And I do want to be nice all the time and not feel a struggle to do it. And I was struggling, with everything.

BTW - I don't think any of this last fall has had anything to do with my usual fall 'funk' as I have referred to it in the past. I really haven't felt those funky emotions this fall. It is a pretty happy fall. I actually think that maybe there will be no more fall funk. I have a theory, but it'll probably take a few years to prove. Forgiveness is so healing. It might have healed me from my funk.

What does suck, but I'm not letting it get me down is the fact that when I woke up this morning, the sun wasn't up yet and now I'm still standing here (at another job, but still standing) at work and the sun is almost gone again. Reminds me of the DTA days.

Tomorrow is the vball recognition and then it's officially over. I'm excited to be productive with my extra time. I plan on doing some tutoring after school a few days a week (unless I get a homebound position) and I also plan on cleaning on the house everyday as well as working out at home everyday (I have lots of dvds).

Anyway - thanks for the comments and thanks for letting me have this outlet to write out stuff and know that the people that read it care! peace!

quick

I've had so much going on lately, but there will be a real slow down next week as I will not have volleyball any longer.

Anyway - I got really sick over the weekend and was in the worst shape ever! Thought very hard about going to the hospital on Saturday night, but decided I didn't have the funds for that. So I waited it all out with a variety of over the counter medication which didn't help diddly. But on Monday I got a breathing treatment and a few inhalers, nose spray, antibiotic and the cure all steroid pack. So my rash is all cleared up, my face is all clear, I can breathe and life is good. I actually felt nice today. Yes, nice - haven't been so nice in a while.
I am still feeling nice as a matter of fact, so it hasn't warn off yet even though I went to work today.

There's been a breakthrough at work btw - my boss might actually be human...

I have lots of other outings to post up with pics, but it'll have to be done at some other time when I shouldn't already be in bed. Friday evening, maybe. Anyway - they will be very entertaining so check back next week.

I am going to start making plans to get outta town and see people. I have to look at finances and Christmas, but once that is all taken care of with some other things, I think I'll have enough money left over to make a few road trips. Kodi, I'm coming your way. Alicia, I'll be coming your way also and then on to St. Louis. And anyone in the KC area - if you want to road trip, let me know, it would be more fun with fun people.

Results

We played well yesterday and I have a million pictures to put on here, maybe I'll get to that this weekend. We won the first game, but lost the 2nd and 3rd. My girls played hard and went after the ball. They had a really good time. I hope that they felt like true volleyball players.

Scores:

Game 1: 16-25 (w)
Game 2: 25-20 (l)
Game 3: 25-19 (l)

Thanks for all the positive thoughts! I have one more A/B game tonight and then the season if over! We'll have pictures and all next week and then officially, it will be over and I probably won't know what to do with myself.

me coaching


my girls

bump, set, smack it in their faces

Tomorrow marks my second and last opportunity (of the season)to actually coach against another team. Think really positive volleyball thoughts (such as the ball going over the net) around 3:30-6ish. I hope we go in and play really well. If they set the ball up a few times I'll be happy. If they win, it'll be phenomenal and I'll believe that it was all your positive thoughts.

I have lots to post with pictures - just finding the time to do it has been a problem.

-Coach Steen

TINA

Tina Turner was phenomenal! She pulled out all the stops. I was impressed. I really hope I look that good and still dance at her age! Here's a pic of the end of the concert. I took it with my phone, so the quality is poor. But she is out on this arm-like runway that is above the crowd.



The seats I bought were WAY UP THERE. When I bought them I was like, 9th row, yeah!!! We'll be so close. But we weren't they were like 3rd row from the last row in the place. And we were way up there. It was only the second time I've bought tickets at the sprint center, but now I know I need to buy only tickets in sections that are in 100 or the floor. The 200 sections are the high ones, which are fine - you see everything, but they aren't what I want. And I'm old enough now to be picky.

She rocked and rolled, sang the blues - did a full variety of her music, which I knew most of. I think there might have been 2 songs I didn't know. It was really a once in a lifetime show.

I haven't downloaded the pics of me and my mom from the rest of the day, so I'll blog about the rest of the day later...but I thought you'd enjoy hearing about the concert - so I got that up first.

Oh - Proud Mary was my favorite, but overall the concert was, well, rockin' phenomenally amazing....;)

Today

I took the day off today and I put on gas for $3.03! What a fantastic day! Here's what's also to come in my day that I am looking forward to: brunch/shopping with mom, getting my hair did, dinner out at the p&l or downtown somewhere, seeing Tina Turner live (with my mom)!!!

So exciting!

My life is a volleyball.

Good things. 1. My girls set up the ball today at least half a dozen times during their scrimmage. It was beautiful. If you know about volleyball - this is the next step to being a good team. 2. The head coach said that the activities director said that he wants to send us (the three vball coaches) to a coaching clinic in the spring. This means that I will be coaching again. Which made me extremely happy because I figured it was a one time deal.

I wanted to add a pic of my girls, but I will wait until I have some action ones - I think you'd enjoy them more. Unfortunately, I can't seem to coach and take pics....but I'll make it happen.

My first coaching experience.

If this reads like an email - it's because it is. I was writing my friend in Iraq about it and decided it was exactly what I would want to put in my blog, so I just copy and pasted to save time.

Well. I coached my first real game. Even though we didn't have real refs. But I count it as a 'real' game because we played against a team from another district.

My girls we're real fired up for the first game. They were so nervous. A lot of parents showed up - many more than I thought would. That was awesome. We played three games - lost all three. But we were playing Belton - which is in NO WAY urban. They are like a edge of town farm team. Farm girls. Kids that have been playing sports all their life. So here's our final scores. We are the first score: Game 1: 21-25, Game 2: 8-25, Game 3: 21-25

They lost their umph during the second game. But that's okay. They played well the first and third. They were even ahead at one time during the third game.

The only things that bothered me a little was that the main coach bit my head off about some of my paperwork. Maybe she had a bad day or something. I just let it go. No need to bite my head off during my first actual game EVER though.

Overall, it was really fun and the girls had a good time and got some good playing time, which is all I cared about.

Survey says...

Something different because I didn't want to write anything for fear of constant complaining.


1. I love…being at home

2. Right now I want…something else for lunch, or money to get something else for lunch

3. I feel like…I am annoyed.

4. I hate it when…friends talk about you behind your back.

5. I fear…the apocolypse.

6. I’m lonely without…my dog.

7. I need…to clean my house.

8. Today I…got an email from A.

9. Tomorrow I’m…coaching my team during a real game.

10. I just…ate some bland chicken.

11. I want to meet…Chuck Norris.

12. I’m hungry for…French Fries.

13. I love it when…I read a good book and pass it on to someone that loves it too.

14. I’m afraid of…idle time.

15. I’m listening to…air conditioning or heat blowing.

16. I’m wearing…black pants, fun shirt, black sweater

17. I wish I was in…pajamas.

18. I’m craving…fast food.

19. I want to get…groceries

20. I can…think for myself.

21. I can’t…stand some people right now.

22. I have…rashes.

23. I haven’t…done the dishes.

24. I’m nervous to…play a concert.

25. I think…good friends should confront you, not discuss you to other friends.

28. I’m happy when…I'm at home or doing what I want.

29. I’m sad when…

30. I like eating…yes, I do.

31. I love watching…monday night tv

32. I love listening to…music

34. I hate waking up to…an alarm

35. I can see…clearly with my glasses or contact

36. I’m glad that…Shannon is getting married

37. I’m disappointed that…people can't just ask me what's up.

38. I look like…me

39. I wish I looked like…put together, good hair, make-up and a nice outfit. And maybe about 50 pounds less.

happy whiney needy people.

Usually this is just the clients at the salon that I work at part-time. But today it is also my co-workers. They can't seem to do anything for themselves. "Would you get my some ice in a big glass?" "Would you hand me my purse?" Just a few of the directives I've been given today by people who just can't seem to walk the three extra steps it takes to get it themselves. I was in a nice mood earlier - not so much now. I'm supposed to be going to the plaza art festival tonight, but that won't happen if I'm in a piss poor mood. I made that mistake last night and Brian suffered for it. Sorry, Brian! It doesn't help that I'm getting hungry and did not bring any snacks with me today. Still have about 2 hours left and it looks like the stylists are going to run over time...so I'm probably stuck here til 6:30ish. Ugh. Sorry about my complaining. It's really okay - I think I'm just hungry.

C is for....

Congratulations to my C team for winning tonight against the B team. We definitely have better serves than they do. Our defense is lacking (or non-existent) but we still won. We have an actual game next Wednesday against Belton. That will be the true test.

I hope everyone has a good Friday and weekend. I am going to be productive this weekend and get some house stuff complete (like mow the lawn, clean up, vaccuum..etc). Sounds like fun huh?! I do have two new books to read, that is kinda exciting - but I need to get some cleaning done first.

Fall is here - The Plaza art fair is this weekend. I think I'm going to go to Ren fest next weekend, and then there is an apple festival in Weston and an Irish fest in Weston as well as my usual trip to get cider from Dunn's and pumpkins from Johnson's farms. Might do those next weekend too. (I worry about Dunn's running out of cider...and it's so good!) So many fun things in KC in the fall. I love it.

warning.

3 jobs are hard to balance. They keep running into each other. Volley ball games are getting scheduled on the nights I work at the salon. I totally forgot to take off the day my mom and I go see Tina. Ridiculous. I am sure I can make it all work, I know I will. It's just real frustrating. And so I am going to bed at 8:35pm. Because, well, I can and I'm tired and I worked 13 hours today with no nourishment (except for peanuts and m&m's).

misc...

Life.

My plate is FULL these days. But I think it's the universe working with me to help push me to change my life as I'd like to. My weeks are full of games, work, band. I have something everday of the week. And no more time to commit to anything or anyone else. Here's an example of a week for me, just so we can have a more educated discussion:

Sunday - Northwinds 4:30-8:30 (with traveling times...)
Monday - Vball game, be home around 7:30
Tuesday - Platte City Community Band - 6-10 (with traveling times)
Wednesday - Work at the salon (5-8)
Thursday - Vball game
Friday....practice til 4 but then I'm done...
Saturday - usually work at salon


I'm not looking for a pity party here - I chose this. I just want everyone to understand a full plate for me. This is a full plate for me. I was going to quit the Northwinds but I realized that there is a concert in a about three weeks, so it will have to be after that. I think once I get my Sunday's back, I'll feel much calmer and more at east with the life.

So the universe has given me opportunities that take up my time and do not allow me to really have the time to go out or be frivilous. By Friday, I'm exhausted. I went out last friday, but while I made the choice to stay out...I really wish I had just gone home. I will remember that next time. My plate will become much cleaner when vball season is over, which isn't far off - middle of October. But then I plan to occupy myself with house work, there is a lot that needs to be completed before this winter.

I have felt the need to pull away from the masses and just control everything that is going on with me. Making sure every decision I make is the one I really want. This is hard practice for me, because usually I make the decisions that make everyone else happy or content. I am no longer focusing on that or too worried about their reactions to my decisions...which causes the pulling away.

I have no idea where I'm going with all this, just my thoughts and observations lately.

On other hands...
I heard from my friend that headed out to war on 9/11. She made it to the middle east, but not quite to her destination yet. It was comforting to get that email though.

My friend Shannon, came down this weekend to wedding dress shop and found a gorgeous dress. It's the perfect one (of course). It was really nice to be surrounded by good friends for almost an entire day. Shannon's wedding is on my birthday (March 21) this year and yes, I will be in it. That's a whole other blog on it's own and I will be writing it probably within the week. I have to do some research before I get it all put together.

Work is work. I should be writing lesson plans right now. But I don't want to. There's about a million other things I should do. But I don't want to. However, I will...maybe tomorrow, maybe later today.

I'm definitely going to be a vampire for halloween.

My washer is leaking more now than before. I think I didn't get the piece put back on right. It's really frustrating to not have the washer working correctly.

And I'm off to a meeting that will begin my week. There is no more pretending that I can just sit here and type my thoughts. Friday will come fast - I'm sure. I can't wait.

Have a great week!

The Twilight Saga...

My obsession is finally over. I have within a week, read all 4 of the books from the Twilight Saga. It was sheer obsession that kept me up way past my bed time and at home on a Saturday night. The TV wasn't turned on, nor the radio humming (I could have no distractions).
I wouldn't say that I read these books with such fierceness because they were so good....it was really more of an obsession. The chase to get to the end. They were appealling because the content was about relationships, society, and the quest to find your soulmate and then keep them. It was about survival. It was about the acceptance of all people, even mythological, living and surviving together.
I could cry now, mostly because I'm tired, but the books were really beautiful. They held my interest and still do. I'm sure I will be thinking about them for at least another week. Mostly, I will probably be thinking about how much calmer and slower my life would be if I was a vampire. I would have all sorts of time. I wouldn't have to feel so rushed or crowded with work/life.
They were totally worth all the sleeping time I lost this last week. I wish I would have read them this summer, I could have just spent a few days reading and read them all in one setting. Yes, they were that much of an obsession.

i heart edward.

Yes, I'm totally sucked in. I've read the first two books just this week. And will be reading the next two probably this weekend. They are fast, fun, and keep you wanting more.

On another (less worried) note...

I have my first volleyball game tonight as a coach. My girls are not playing, but I believe we will actually get to play a week from tonight. This is quite all right with me because I'm still pretty unsure of what all I have to do in a game. It will be good for all of us to watch and learn. I will say that my girls are getting really good, better than some of the B team girls. If we were really in it for the win, it would probably be smart to check all the girls out again in a week or two after a few games and rearrange the teams. But it's middle school. It's not really about the win. Although a win is nice. I don't anticipate one on our part tonight, we're going up against the hardest team in our conference. Good luck to our Lady Jackets! Go team!

9/11

Ironically enough, one of the most amazing women that I know is on her way to the middle east today to 'do her part'. It's too emotional a subject to really sit and write about here at work, but please keep her in your thoughts today. Pray for her the next 5 months. I will write more later, maybe even include some pictures. I really just wanted to put this out there because it seems to flood my emotions and my mind. The irony is just a little too much.

Roller coasters and other thrills

I was thinking about this while on my way home from band (Platte County Community Band) tonight. I attract relationships that are in and out/up and down like roller coasters. People feel free to come and go in my life as they please. I don't by any means mean this in a negative sense - people do what people do. But it's funny how people can come into my life and be there for a good measure and be there everyday and then somehow disappear for a while and then come back and then leave again. I don't really have a problem with this at all. It is a little disconcerting at times and with different people. I am thinking of one friend in particular (now you all are going to think it's you - it's not...I don't even think they read my blog anymore unless I tell them to). It's disconcerting with them. I want them to be there, everyday - and right now I just don't think it's possible for them or it's just too hard to keep up the communication. But while I was thinking of it, it reminded me of a roller coaster. And as I got to thinking about many of the other relationships in my life that have been meaningful, many are similar. I think I probably attract this sort of thing and then when it's time to move on - I've learned (the hard way) that you just gotta move on and appreciate what you had at the time and the new and different relationship you'll have in the future.

On a whole other tangent: I love coaching. It really gets me going. I'm very glad to have this experience. Now I feel like I need to probably go out and play/learn a sport for real. Actually know the rules and everything so I can be a better coach in the future. I don't even know what sport I would most enjoy or want to learn everything about. I'm so glad to be excited about something that is attached to my job (at least in the same building and kids that I see in the hallway on a daily basis).

i can't believe it's september.

Check this out. If you're in the KC area - maybe you want to go. Only $10 in advance (you can buy tickets online here. I will be there - come hang out with me and hear some of KC's best live music.

A new hat.

Coach Steen. That is right. I was offered an opportunity to be the assistant coach of the volley ball team at my school. And seeing as how I'll do just about anything for money these days - I accepted it. I've only been to two practices, but I think I love it. It gives me something to look forward to. Coaching is not something that I ever thought I would do. I'm not really well versed on any one sport (but I can play them all). But I think it's definitely something I am going to explore. Right now it is my saving grace because the job is not fulfilling.

I hope everyone is having a lazy labor day. Other than working all day today at the salon - it's a great weekend filled with lots of fun events and friends. Although I will have to spend sunday or monday cleaning my house - it is a disaster!

Political goodness

It is a good time to be a democrat.

The DNC (democratic national convention) has been going on this week and every night has brought me to tears. I know that sounds ridiculous, but there is much emotion on stage, in the audience and behind my own tears. Tomorrow Barack Obama speaks and accepts his nomination into being the democratic candidate for president. It'll be on between 9 and 10 central standard time. I suggest, if you haven't watched any of it, that you tune in just for that. Even if you are republican, it's good to watch the other 'teams' - educate yourself. Catch some of the presidential '08 fever!

flaw

I am in a negative mood today. And what I notice about myself is that I am always in a negative mood when I have to face reality that I don't have any money. I hate money. I don't think it matters how much you have, or how big your paycheck, you still spend it. I have discussed it before in person, and on here, but the fact remains I'm not good at finances. Every month is a struggle to stay within a certain limit. While I know I'm capable, today I really just want someone to sit down with and go over everything - tell me what to do, how much I have and how I can be effective with my monies. My own personal financial advisor/accountant. And I want them to do it for free :) Outrageous, yes. Unreasonable, yes. Necessary, not really. Wanted, very much! Feasible, not sure.

just allergies

So the doc says that he thinks I am just super sensitive to obscure things (his words). He used the example that I could sit in a chair and then a few days later break out from whatever on the chair (cleaning product or fabric). So anyhow - I'm just going to keep putting on cream and hope for the best.

My favorite quotes

I feel like sharing nothing (afraid of the perpetual work venting), yet also feel the need to post. So I'm going to share with you my two most favorite quotes. Enjoy!

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.
-mary anne radmacher


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.
Do not now seek out the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers.
-Rainer Maria Rilke, letter to a young poet

The first day of school

So this school year is going to be very different for me. I already have a lot of frustrations with the program that I am piloting and also frustrations that I see happening in the future. I am positive about the position and my ability to be successful. I really do not think my school set me up for success, which is disheartening, but I'm sure they knew that in the end I'll pull it out and find a way to make this program successful.
The saddest part of my day was that I didn't really have a "home". I have a closet, yes, but it's not really fun to bring your food through the library and then eat it by yourself in a closet. It's just so different from having a classroom with all the other sped teachers/paras around and someone to constantly chat with. I know that this will pass and I will find my place and eventually have someone to eat lunch with.
The best part of my day was seeing some of my kiddos from last year. I have 2 that came back that I worked really hard to get them into regular ed, succeeded in doing that. I don't know the real challenges that they will face, but I am excited to see them out and about. One of them, J. said first thing to me, "Ms. Steen I matured over the summer." I got a big kick out of it because all last year, I was like, I hope you mature over the summer...

When it rains it pours, and it seems that my life goes without trial for long periods of time and recently there has just been trial after trial. I don't quite know how I'm going to overcome some of them, but I'm sure I will see it all through as we do everything in life. It always works out the way it is supposed to - that is my mantra. Which is why I don't sweat anything for too long.

hm.

Now that I compare the two pics, the rashes look quite different. But remember, the one today is just starting out. I've only had the symptoms since 8-8-08 (ohh..freaky).
And it started by my belly button.

I see a doc on Wednesday at 3:15 if anyone wondered.

It's back...

The rash is back. The one I got last year on my legs and at first the doc thought it was scabies - yeah, that one is back! To see last years blog about it, click here.

Just so everyone knows, I don't blog about this sort of thing to illicit any attention or sympathy. It's so easy to go back and print the pages off for the doctor. That way if it's all linked, like they thought last year - I just have to take the pages in and show them my history. God knows, I could not remember it all with the dates and how I felt.

BTW - I feel fine, just itchy. It started on my stomach near my belly button and then progressed to behind my legs and is now starting to take over the rest of my legs. And like last year, it's small bumps that look like they are blisters and it all REALLY itches. This started around the 8-9th of August. (Is it just coincidence that it happened around the exact day I went back to school?)

Here's 2 pics for the kind doctors that will ask about it.

Notice the pretty pedicure :)


the upclose ugly one.

Good Bye Summer

Tomorrow is the official day summer ends. Kids come, and school really starts! It'll be one big whirlwind and then it'll be summer again.

This summer was very laid back but great. I reconnected with a lot of old friends, most I hadn't spoken to in years. The reconnections have been wonderful. It reminds me at how timeless a friendship can be and that truly time can heal all.

I'm in a great place to let the summer go. I feel good about relaxing and enjoying my summer to it's fullest extent - even if it didn't go the way I intended it to. I am confident about my future year and have ensured myself success. I'm sad to see my days of staying up late and sleeping in, not having a true agenda to my day go, BUT I am excited about what the future holds.

Good luck to all my teacher friends, may your year be successful and fulfilling and may we look forward to next summer as it will come sooner than you thought possible.

#1 Library Dr.

My closet is working out well. And once I got over the initial feelings, I'm really great with everything. My new job is going to be great - and I am going to be good at it. I am very positive about work today.

Catching up on some summer stuff

This is kind of just another blog with pictures of more things I've done this summer. Another reminder that this blog is really more of a diary than something I use to promote my opinion. So here's some things that have happened in the last few weeks that I wanted to share with everyone.






My backyard. It is certainly a city girl's wilderness dream. I first saw this blue monarch floating around my bottom pond. I was lucky enough to get a close pic. I think it would make a great tatoo :)
This is the first time I have witnessed so many lily pad flowers blooming at one time. Usually it is just one or two, not 5 or 6. It was very pretty.





This is a pic of me and my mom. It's at her friend, Mary's bachelorette party. It was a really fun night. We look very alike in this picture, but I never really think about me looking like my mom...it's sweet.



On the last free Monday before my job started again, a good friend of mine, Kelly, and I went to a lake around KC. It is a private lake called, Lake Winnebago. We had such a good time. It really made me want a huge house, my own dock and a private lake to hang out in.

next year, take 2

Okay - I wrote that blog before ever talking it out and now I realize that the assignment given is not the disappointment, the taking away of my classroom is. Having your own classroom is one of the joys of being a teacher. I figure it is similar to being a higher up and having a corner office or an office with a door. So I will come to terms with it all tomorrow when I try to cram 7 years of teaching stuff into a closet and keep room for the speech path who is sharing the closet with me.

next year...

So I finally found out today what I will be doing for next year. I'm very disappointed in my school district. Their ability to use and abuse me is masterful. I will be doing about 3 full time jobs - in one. Unfortunately, I'm only getting paid to do one as well...that should change. I will be implementing a new program within the special education setting in the district called facilitation. Basically, I will be working with the entire 6th grade to modify work/tests/instruction for all the students with an IEP. I will be responsible for making sure all this happens and all needs are met, including pulling them out for test taking etc. I am also still in charge of students with emotional disorders/behavioral disorders. So I will also have them on my case load and have them in a homeroom as well as a social skills class. And for job #3, with our caseloads being as big as they are (usually in the 25+), I also consider the paperwork and stuff for that a full time job - because it is at my school.
On top of all of this, they are taking away my classroom and I am being forced into a closet in the library, which I will share with the speech pathologist. I have 7 years of teaching stuff. I really wish they could have told me earlier so I'd be more prepared for this.
I am cutting my summer off early and starting to go in tomorrow since I will be moving rooms.
My thoughts now are that I can do this - no problem, but I just don't think it's very fair with all the hard work I always put in. They really should give me a raise to compensate the extra time I will be putting in and the lack of lunch or break time I will have.
My goal for the future is just to find a place of employment where I'm respected and appreciated.

some things don't change.

Three or so weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hang out with my best friend from middle school, Kodi. This opportunity was one where I got to meet her family - her daughter and her husband. I also got to see her mom and meet a good friend of Kodi's from college. It was very special and very exciting for me. Kodi is and always will be one of my closest friends. I have struggled with how to explain our friendship. You really only know it if you have it. But, Kodi is always with me. Even when we don't talk or communicate for a multitude of years - she's always right here. And I feel that it's the same for her - I'm always right there. I believe it's truly unique to find a friendship like we have.



I don't try to play the "i wonder..." game with my life. Everything happens for a reason and I truly have faith in that. But when it comes to the 3 and 1/2 years I spent in Cabool, MO - I do always wonder what would have happen if we hadn't moved. Who would I have become?
I lived there during my 5-8th grade years (very formative years) and I can say that it was one of the bright spots in my life. And having a life long friend that came out of those three years is the brightest. Lylas!

Kodi blogged about it, and created a scrap book page from our visit. Feel free to take a look. Kodi's Blog