downhill slope

It is definitely time to take a break from bars and drinking. With all the negative thoughts I've been having since turning 31, drinking is probably the last thing I need to do. However, it seems it's the first thing I set out to do. It's been a long time (years) where I actually went out to get drunk - drinking purposefully. That is what I have done this week (minus monday night when I went to see Cowboy Junkies) but every other night I went out this week (Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday - no I don't have a problem....) it was purposeful drinking. Sunday didn't start out like that, it just turned into it. So it's time to take a break. I really need to focus on something else other than having my 'midwestern reality check breakdown'. It's really getting to me and I feel that I might crack up - some might think I already have.
Anyway, I figured I'd start going to the gym again this week. I've promised myself, no bars for a while. I'm going to miss out on some things, but I obviously can't handle it until I get it all under control again and feel better. We are also giving the MAP at school this week (the big test) and I am the token person that gives it to long term suspension students after school. So I hope to be busy and not have much down time to sit and think about this breakdown that I feel like is about to hit bottom.
BTW - I do have the best friends. I got home safe last night because of one of them. All the while I was being a total jerk (seems to happen when the Steen children drink sometimes). He doesn't deserve to be projected on (human behavior - sometimes we project our problems on others, or in drinking, or drugs, or etc.). Only once have I lost a friend from it (drunk jerkiness) and I hope that it doesn't happen again.

I hope everyone has a good week!!! Think positive thoughts!

Gas

I'm really done with having the heater on. I'm ready for the weather where I can just open the windows and let the breeze flow through. In fact, I did just that yesterday and woke up this morning to 57 degrees. It was a little chilly, to put it nicely. Thank God for my electric blanket.

Grateful thoughts:
-I am so grateful to have a Saturday off.
-I planned the social gathering tonight and think it will be lots of fun
-I'm getting my hair did today so good bye gray!!!


Cheers!

31

Turning 31 sure has been a lot harder for me than turning 30. I think just adding that extra year has given me a midwestern reality check. I have overwhelmingly become very tired of being single. My thoughts consume my time, even spent with people. They bounce from one extreme to another. Either I'm thinking that I need to settle or that I will just be eternally single (I sometimes refer to this as frigid).
I am well aware of everyones answers and cooing responses. But they make no difference. I am still consumed, worried, in fear of, sick with......

I've never really felt this ultimate before. Which is where the 31 comes into play. I feel like now I have to choose whether to decide that being single for the rest of my life is okay and move on like that, or decide whether I have to do whatever, even settling, to be 'married'. It's not like the final goal is marriage - I don't need all the hoopla, but my final goal would be to find a mate, someone who loves me for who I am and that I can do that in return. More of a partner in crime for life kinda thing than a ring on my finger (although i want one of those too).

The other thing I've noticed is that I'm not dealing well with rejection. I am usually all right with this - it's okay to not get what I want. Sometimes I just can't have it and I'm usually very understanding about it. But lately, it's really sucked. I can't get over it very fast, I think about more than I should, I get mad at the person rejecting me.... And for the most part, I feel this everyday - not healthy. I dislike it when things make sense in your head and work out when you think them out and then in real life the other person comes in and messes it up. (pretty immature, aren't I?)

Oh well....just had all these consuming thoughts and figured maybe writing them out would help.

Chivalry, it's not dead?

The first observation about Mexico I had was it's gorgeous landscape and perfect climate. The second was how accomodating and chivalrous the men were. They would stand up on the bus so the women could sit down. I never saw a woman holding a child there, the man held the child. The men were also very respectful of women and would only talk to you if you talked to them. They also were not rude - didn't hit on strangers or cat call.
Here's a story for you. One night we were out on the town and walked down the board walk to a bridge that went over to another part of the town where there were bars, etc. So we went over the bridge and ended up at a bar called, Burro Bar. The tables sat right on the sand and the ocean was maybe 30 feet away. It was a beautiful night. All 6 of us were sitting there enjoying cervesas and some singing Mexican Elvis (who didn't really know many Elvis songs at all). A guy comes up from the beach and starts talking to us. Speaks Spanish, looks American but says that he is in some kind of program in Guadelajara for International Business. The kid looks torn up. Says he's 21 or 20 (don't remember, could have been 23). His shirt is torn and he is dirty. He's pleasant and nice UNTIL he starts asking about molta/molto? which is weed in Mexico. Then we're like, you need to get out of here. He starts escalating and won't stop, getting mad, calling people names, saying inappropriate things. (I am not sure where the waiter was when all this happened, he came over in the end of it) The waiter comes over as the guy is leaving and is like, "what is going on? I thought he was a friend of yours." (the kid was white, we were white...). Anyway, needless to say, this is the only time something like this happened. And unfortunately, it's not exactly the same, but the same kind of crap anyone can experience in a bar on any given day here in America. I don't go to Westport (young kc hangout) or to some drink fest without knowing that there will be some sort of conflict between someone. And 95% of the time there is, be it a bar fight or words over politics - one cannot go many places in America without encoutering conflict.
What would it be like if America were more respectful of each other and chilvalry wasn't dead? Think of the impact it would make on our youth.

Tagged by Kodi - my reply

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, the smellier the better.

2. Favorite Food? Mexican, chicken nachos

3. Do you own a gun? No, but the last owner of my house left one so incidentally I have some old rifle in my house...

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I don't really go to Sonic

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? not really, unless it's a specialist or there is something seriously wrong with me.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like all beef hotdogs, preferably kosher and also turkey dogs. I like to eat the cheap ones (of which I am unsure of the ingredients) right out of the fridge cold. (that's a secret, don't tell anyone)

7. Favorite Christmas song? ?? I like them all

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I enjoy a coffee, or instant breakfast.

9. Can you do push ups? Maybe one. I need to do many more.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? earrings I got from my parents one christmas.

11. Favorite hobby? ??? Not sure I even have one anymore - traveling, experiencing new beers.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Absolutely not, and neither do you (anyone that reads this).

13. What is one trait that you hate about yourself? My inability to stop.

14. Middle name? Lynne

15. Name 3 thoughts at this moment.
a. I wish it was still spring break and I was still in Mexico.
b. I have too much to do to fill this out, yet I still feel the need to keep filling it out
c. My back tension that I had yesterday has now moved up to my neck.

16. NAME 3 DRINKS YOU DRINK REGULAR? water, beer, milk

17. CURRENT WORRY RIGHT NOW? not getting my work done because I'm filling out this survey.

18. CURRENT HATE RIGHT NOW? working two jobs, being single

19. Favorite place to be? In bed. or with friends

20. How did you bring in the New Year? in New Orleans!!

21. Like to go? I always seem to be, so I must like it.

22. Name three people who will complete this first? I'm not tagging anyone - unless Alicia has extra time to waste away...then I say do it.

24. What color shirt are you wearing? greenish/brownish button up

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I don't think I've ever tried them out.

26. Can you whistle? Sometimes.

27. Favorite color? yellow, pink, bright beautiful colors

28. WOULD YOU BE A PIRATE? Aaarg, I am a pirate, matey. Shiver me timbers.

29. WHAT SONGS DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Bon Jovi

30. Favorite Russian Chauffeurs name? I don't know any Russian Chauffeurs.

31. Favorite boy's name? Zachary

32. What's in your pocket right now? nothing in my pocket

33. Last thing that made you laugh? my students

34. Best bed sheets as a child? Snoopy

35. Worst injury you've ever had?? hmmm....I guess when I was 5 I crushed my right pinkie finger (broke in 11 places)...

36. Do you love where you live? Yes, I love my house.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

38. Who is your loudest friend? Natalie

39. How many pets do you have? 1 dog, 1 cat, and 1 gerbil

40. Does someone have a crush on you? No, but they all should.

41. What is your favorite book? Anything by Jodi Picoult (I agree Kodi) and really any book a friend says, here read this.

42. What is your favorite candy? m & m's

43. Favorite Sports Team? Chiefs, Royals - I'm a hometown girl.

44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? getting into bed.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? It's already time to get up....

Spring Break 2008 - Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

It sucked. JUST KIDDING! It was awesome, and I have all the pics to prove it. It was very beautiful. The weather was perfect. I relaxed and laid on the beach like it was my job! It was absolutely the vacation I was looking for. I don't think my words can do it justice, so here's the vaca in pics:



We got checked into our hotel and this was the view that was waiting for us. I thought I was in heaven.


The first night we ate at a beautiful Mexican restaurant and incidentally it was the only one we ate at that had a Mariachi band. I loved it.


Full group pic.


Did you know they don't celebrate St. Paddy's in Mexico??? I really thought it was a world wide event, but evidently not. The attention was nice though.


If you look closely - in the middle of the picture - there is a lizard, native to the area. It was huge and a treat to see it in it's habitat rather than the zoo or on nat geo.



This is the Marina. Lots of VERY EXPENSIVE boats (like yachts) housed here. Also, lots of nice restaurants. All the housing in this area is generally owned by outsiders (rich Americans).


This was the group that went on what become our best night out. We just walked over to the Marina and ate at a place called Fajita Banana (which had my fav dish - molcajete). We just had wanted to go out to eat, but ended up drinking mucho cervesas and trashed. It was a really funny and loud night. We truly showed our American side that night.



This is what our place looked like that we sat at everyday. I would lay on one of those green chairs and just chill. It was so nice. Doesn't it look tropical? Like something out of an add!


This was our view everyday on the beach. I was actually laying on my green chair when I took the picture. I just pretty much read, dozed, and people watched the entire day long. On occasion we'd drink a beer or a fruity drink and then lay down for a few more hours. Sometimes it would get hot and we'd have to get up and go to the pool for a quick dip, then back down to lay in the sun.


Me in the ocean.


Peeking out of the native foliage.


My birthday drink. (only one?? well...it was our last night and mis amigas were tired)


The final sunset.









I have a few more subjects about Mexico that I'm going to cover in other blogs, but for now - there is your picture montage of my vacation. Enjoy! I wished you were all there.

Tapping the firkin

Here I am starting my spring break by tapping the Firkin Keg at 75th St. Brewery! Thank you Cris (and Mary for coming up with the idea)!!!! It was all I talked about all day! And it proved to be everything I thought it would be. My parents even came out for the event. It was an awesome time. I'll tap the firkin every time!

Happy Spring! (St. Patty's, My birthday, and Happy Easter!) Be safe, have fun.

tapping the firkin

Firkin:
A Firkin is an old English unit of volume. The name is derived from the Middle Dutch word vierdekijn, which means fourth, i.e. a fourth of a full-size barrel.

For beer and ale a firkin is equal to nine imperial gallons or a quarter of a barrel (40.91481 litres). Casks in this size (themselves called firkins) are the most common container for cask ale.

So now that you have educated yourself on what a firkin is, let me tell you the most exciting news. First some background - every so often on fridays 75th St. Brewery has a firkin keg. And also remember that one of the brewers is Mary's husband and also a good friend of mine. Anyway - I think I have it set up so that I can tap the Firkin Keg tonight at 75th St. For no reason at all this makes me VERY excited. I'm really excited for the photo opportunities of me tapping a Firkin Keg.

I'll be doing it around 5:30-6 if anyone wants to come to this momentous occasion.

Viva la Mexico

I'm getting gosh darn excited about this trip. The best aspect of it is not the traveling out of town or the friends I'll be with, but the 7 days without working. Many of you know I work my full time and the do the part time at the salon. I work usually 6 full days a week. It all wears on a person and by right now, I am ready to just not work. I think I'd be just as happy to stay home for this next week and lay in bed all day as I am getting out of the states. Funny isn't it.

Many people are envious of my life style, and well they should be. As a single person I get to do, go and be whenever I want. I control my money and my spending. I also get to be spontaneous. And I love it. I have absolutely no complaints. However, I think it's important for you to know that I am also envious of you, of your partnership with someone. Of your ability to make decisions with someone. Always having someone there. Having a 2 paycheck family (while I know it's not enough, ever - it'd be much nicer to have two than 1). So, as far as I'm concerned we are all even. You are envious of my single rock-n-roll lifestyle, and I am envious of your co-habitating kids eat free lifestyle.

That being said - I have 43 hours till I get on a plane and sit on a beach for an entire week.

wishing the week away

I cannot wait for this week to be over. Too much working going on. But I certainly will make up for it next week!
I've been boning up on my spanish, here's a lesson for you:

Una cerveza por favor. Another beer please.
Donde esta al bano? Where is the bathroom.
Vamos a la playa! Let's go to the beach.
Hace calor. It is very hot.
Te gusta bilar? Do you like to dance?
Me llamo Bonita. My name is Bonita.
Te llamo? What is your name?
Como estas? How are you?
Asi Asi. Okay.
Como caca. Eat shit.


I figure I really only need the first two....I'll give you more lessons later. I'm sure I'll be proficient by the time I get back. I'm muy excited!

Puerto Vallarta

By now, you know that I'm traveling in less than a week to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
This is where I am staying. It's less than a week now and I am stoked to go. I can't wait to just lay on the beach, read books, and have a good time with my work friends. I love that it's all girls. I've been a little nervous about going for a an entire week, but to be honest, I probably need it. I need to be away and not stressed for a period of time. I will of course have a camera and take a lot of pics to post on here.

I will be leaving on the 15th and returning the 22nd. I will miss St. Patty's day in the states as well as my 'real' birthday. But there will be time for birthday celebration when I return. And I'm hoping that there is a little green beer in Mexico. Regardless, there will be beer - and I will be celebrating the Irish while I'm there. It would be unAmerican not to. :)

More posts to come - people have been asking, so I wanted to give you a little of what I know.

Temperatures in Puerto Vallarta

Yes, I will be in Puerto Vallarta from March 15 through the 22nd. This is my spring break. A girl from my work has a condo down there and she asked in October if it was something I wanted to do. I was like, "yes!" without even thinking. And so here we are - 6 girls + 1 condo + a mexican vacation = a good time!

I wanted to rub it in about the weather - here's the temps while I'm in mexico:

High /
Low (°F) Precip. %
Today
Mar 04 Mostly Sunny 77°/59° 0 %
Wed
Mar 05 Mostly Sunny 79°/60° 20 %
Thu
Mar 06 Mostly Sunny 78°/58° 20 %
Fri
Mar 07 Mostly Sunny 78°/58° 20 %
Sat
Mar 08 Mostly Sunny 78°/58° 0 %
Sun
Mar 09 Mostly Sunny 79°/59° 10 %
Mon
Mar 10 Partly Cloudy 80°/59° 10 %
Tue
Mar 11 Sunny 79°/58° 0 %
Wed
Mar 12 Sunny 79°/59° 0 %
Thu
Mar 13 Sunny 78°/60° 0 %


Teee Heee! I can't wait!

YES!

I can actually get on this site during work hours!! Hooray! I haven't been able to, but something must have compromised our firewall today and I can.

I have two poems to share with you. Both are written by students in my class and both are about me! They are precious. OH, both are 6th graders if that is something you want to know.

--> This one is a haiku. It was quite amazing - the student wrote it first using 6 syllables, 9 syllables, 6 syllables and then edited it to make it the normal 5-7-5

Pretty Woman

Woman small and sweet
She is vary nice to me
Name is Bonnie Steen


--> This one is a narrative poem. Ms. Green is my para. This kid is really smart and excells in reading/comm. arts.

My Evil Teacher


Ms. Steen is a weird teacher,
A mad dog,
some kind of creature.

She looks at me
and her eye starts twitchen’
After that she starts itchen’.

Her veins pop out and burst in her skin
Then she looks at me with that evil grin.

That is about the time I start to run,
So watch when she gets that look you know she is having fun,
And that is why Ms. Green is my hunny bunn.

Tagged

I was tagged with this memo, "write 15 things you wish you could say to 15 people that you know you would never tell them anyway. Don't explain who the person is. Just write what you want to say to them.. Then tag 5 other people. But the tag has to be a secret, so send them a message on myspace and don't reveal who tagged you."

I apologize for the vivid and ignorant language. But it's what I wish I could say.


1. Why don't you just do your fing job?
2. I quit.
3. You are a dear friend, and I like working with you - but when you drink you become stupid, annoying, and a baby. I don't like that. I don't want to have to put up with you when you are drinking.
4. How come when someone becomes administration, they also become a stupid moron?
5. You are lying. I know you are lying. Why would you say that out in public when all I want to do is rat you out to everyone?
6. You are the most amazing man, and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to doing. You would probably surprise yourself at the things you can accomplish if you weren't so lazy.
7. I think it is rare to find a friend and know that they will be your everday friend for life and that will never change. Thank you for being my everyday all the time bestest. Our friendship means more than words to me, and I know you feel the same.
8. Learn to speak in public situations, just reading the slide is not good enough - I need to know that YOU know what YOU are talking about.
9. I can't go out tonight.
10. Your opinion doesn't mean anything to me because I am still going to do it the way I want to.
11. I can't stand you.
12. You are a manipulative son of a b and I hope someday you see that. I hope you never get married or have children because you would do horrible at both. And you are not as good looking as you think you are.
13. Marriage does change people - it has changed you.
14. I am sorry.
15. I love you.

The Mall

I was at the mall last week - the first time in over a year. I had to pick up my glasses, but I thought since I had my trip coming up I would peruse the shops and see what was hip. I had walked through almost every store and most of the department stores. There was a lumpy feeling in my throat - a nauseous feeling. The clothes out are hideous, not only in color and pattern- but also in style. And to boot, I was outraged with the prices of things. During my stroll in the last department store - I called Mary (felt like I had to). I think I was going to have a panic attack. I realized at that moment that I was old. Out of style. I shop at about 5 stores. That's it. And I don't think it's the old part that is the problem - it's the fact that I always told myself I would stay hip - you know, dress/music etc. And I've done neither. I do try to listen to some new music - but it's indie,folk, local, or what I like. It was a realization that I am okay with having. It was weird. And I am going to honestly try to go to the mall more often and just walk around so it won't be so shocking next time.