I think......that I can pay off 2 bills AND go on spring break with my tax refund.
I am so close to being debt free except for my house - it's like a year and a half away!! Maybe closer if I can continue living like a pauper (which I get better and better at). I love reaching goals. I love it! Sooo excited!
I need dating help. I’m having trouble finding and meeting men in my 30’s that are around my age. Recently, all my dates have been from some internet dating sites, seems to be the only place to find a date for 30 something’s in middle America. I keep an open mind and try and date anyone that is interested. I have horrific stories to prove it. However, my dating stories certainly make for entertaining conversation when my married friends have me over for dinner. But I’m sick of being the single person in my group of friends, and my biological clock is ticking, I’m surprised you can’t hear it from there.
Here’s what I’m sick and tired of: being the girl who has the worst date stories, hearing, “Thank God I don’t date anymore, I don’t think I could do it,” hearing, “you’ll find your mate,” having to pimp myself out to people I’ve just met. What does that mean, you ask? Well, my conversation starters for new coworkers or strangers usually begin with, “Hey, I’m single, do you or your husband know anyone? Well, keep me in mind if you do meet a single guy.”
In thinking about this essay, I realized that I have only been set up once. Just once, and it was by one of my mom’s friends. Of course it didn’t go anywhere. The guy didn’t even call me. I don’t know why. And I don’t know why more people haven’t set me up. My friends (including friends husbands) always say, “Well, I know some single guys or a single guy, but there’s a reason he is single. I wouldn’t want to set you up with him.” Which leads me to wonder, what is wrong with me? Why am I still single at 33?
I think about this far too often, every time I look in the mirror, every time I see a couple walk down the street, or in the mall, or in a store. What is wrong with me? So after deciding to write this essay, I went out in search of the answer to this question. I was hoping to hear that I am awkward, or socially incompetent, or too shy. But the reality is I am none of those things. I am social, and easy to talk with, and don’t really believe in strangers (everyone is a potential friend). So my findings were, well, in a word infuriating. I asked everyone I could find, from total strangers to my very best and closest friend, “Why do you still think I’m single at 33?” Simply put, most people don’t think I get out there and date enough. In my mind, I’m screaming, “WHERE DO I FIND ALL THESE DATES TO GO ON?”
All of my close friends are married. My wing-gals were taken hostage by domesticated life. They traded nights out for nights in, and then came the babies. Everyone is having babies. And unless I meet new friends (which feels ridiculous at 33), or go out by myself (loser!) my days/nights of meeting boys out and about are o-v-e-r. Oh wait, there is internet dating. What a novel idea!
Internet dates are like tripping up the stairs. You step out with your best foot forward. You’re ready to create meaningful conversation, enjoy the night secretly hoping he’s the one and then it happens. He trips you up by talking about himself the whole time, small talk includes asking you about your sexual preferences, and making sure your tab is split at the end of the night. I live in middle America. I live in a bigger city and am not surrounded by cows and corn and people chewing on wheat. So, you would think it would be a single gal friendly place, but I am finding that it’s single friendly if you are, like early 20-something. Dating in my 30’s has proven harder than about anything I’ve done. I have to rely on the internet to meet people (see above paragraph about close friends). Each time I’m excited for that first date, but so far all I’ve done is fall up the stairs, proverbially speaking. But, fortunately – so far – I’ve always gotten back up, dusted myself off, and walked out with my head held high.
At this point I don’t really know what keeps me hoping to find someone. I wish I knew how to find the kind of man I’m looking for. I want to be able to know what club to join, or what organization to volunteer for or internet dating site that will point me to Mr. Just Right for ME. I am hoping that this show can help me to know what I need to do for myself to find dates that have meaningful conversation, and excitement.
And just for your entertainment, here is one of my less risqué worst date stories *names changed:
It was a spring night in Kansas City, MO. I had agreed to meet kc_myk* , or Mike. We both like to travel and cook. Mike suggested we go to a bar and grill located between the two of our residences. We aren’t meeting until late, 9pm, suggested by Mike. So I ate dinner and got ready for the first date. It was a causal place, so I wore jeans, a nice short sleeved purple top and really great silver heels. I was excited for the new possibility. We met inside and sat down. He said he was getting dinner and mentioned several times that I should get something to eat too. He even went as far to say that he is uncomfortable eating by himself. Mike ordered the messiest burger on the menu. So for the next 40 minutes, I listened to stories about his family, his travels, and the friends he met on the travels all while bits of bbq pork sandwich were coming out of his mouth. Occasionally he would stop to sip on his beer. On top of his disgusting eating habits and talking about himself, the bar and grill was loud and there was a party of drunk people sitting near us which made me lean in closer in order to try and listen to what he had to say about himself. I kept a napkin close by in case anything flung from his mouth in my direction (which it did). Finally, around the time a band started setting up right next to us, he said, “well enough about me, let’s talk about you for a minute. How often do you like to have sex when you are in a relationship?” I prayed for some kind of distraction so I could get out of there, and soon enough the band started and I said my good bye. Needless to say, I did not answer his calls when he called me a week later.
Hey good friends. Oprah is auditioning singles for her show! I wanna be on it. I have to fill out an essay....and I thought, I want to illicit my friends thoughts on my single-ness and put it in the essay. So here is what Oprah wants on the essay:
Are you single and struggling to find someone?
Are you sick of being single and ready to meet your match? Do you feel like you need a great wingman at your side to help you meet someone? Are you clueless when it comes to flirting? Do you stumble or freeze once you catch someone?s attention? Do you find yourself constantly misreading the opposite sex? If you are willing to be on TV, tell us why you need dating help and about your most recent attempts to find that special somebody. We look forward to hearing from you!
And I want you to write (you can email if it's easier, or call or whatever) about why you think I'm still single. Why do you continually tell me I'll meet someone - do you really believe that? and why? What would you suggest I do to meet someone?
Give me some feedback so Oprah will pick me!!! I'll post my final essay on here for all to read. Wouldn't it be great to meet Oprah???
What would you do if you knew you had only about a year left? This book reminds us that life is short, and you should live it like everyday is your last. Nominated for a Gateway Award this year. Another plus, the author is fantastic, guaranteed to like all his books if you like teen literature. 
Here's a great homemade - from scratch - Brownie Recipe
I would rate this recipe as EASY!
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
(frosting)
3 tablespoons butter, softened
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tablespoon honey
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup powdered sugar
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease (I used Pam) an 8 inch square pan (or I used a muffin pan.
2. In a large bowl, melt 1/2 cup butter. Stir in sugar, eggs, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat in 1/3 cup cocoa, 1/2 cup flour, salt, and baking powder. Spread batter into greased pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes. I found that 17-18 was enough for the muffin pan. (but I know it's done by how it smells...)
4. To make the frosting (which I didn't): combine 3 tablespoons butter, 3 tablespoons cocoa, 1 tablespoon honey, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 cup powdered sugar. Frost the brownies while they are warm. (the brownies are pretty sweet without the frosting...)
If you had a mini-muffin pan, these would be very similar to the Little Brownie Bite product that most baking lines have. Plus they would be perfect little treats. The other part of this recipe I like is there is no added oil. Only that Pam I used to grease the pan.
They are delicious. I had everything in my house to make them. :) For those that don't bake - you should try some 'from scratch' recipes for simple every day treats - they are so much better than the box or refrigerated stuff.
Enjoy.
I read the book Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah Saturday night. Beautiful story of 2 girls lifelong friendship. Very sad, but beautiful. 
I wasn't quite sure where this blog was going - I know I'd had some feelings today that I needed to look at and analyze. Sometimes it helps for me to talk things out - so I blogged it out.
Lately, I've really been engrossed in my personal life. Maybe it's the new year and the new prospect of something different coming my way. Maybe it's the excitement of making changes. Regardless of the reasons, I'm really hooked. Which presents a small, problem for me at work. I don't care. I really don't stress the dead lines. I really don't stress the paperwork. I do try to do quality work, as I always have. But really - I don't stress it. I am way more into what's going to happen at home. I would much rather research recipes than work on the RED I have to have finished by last Friday. It only bothers me that I'm not bothered by the huge amount of paperwork that was missed over last week or the timelines up-coming. I feel like they will come and they will go, and I'll get the work done (at some point). In fact, my whole focus (which in the last 5 years has solely been on paperwork and getting it done before/on time, remember - I'm sped) is almost changing. I really am more interested in my delivery of the lesson and the quality and efficiency of the lesson I'm teaching. I've said this before, and I might just say it again, but it might be time for me to transition into regular education. I still want to teach, I just think I might be over the sped paperwork. I guess it is time to suck it up and buy that Science praxis study guide. The irony of it is, I really enjoy what I'm teaching this year. I mean, I REALLY like it. I've NEVER done the same job at this school - every year has been something different. I worry that next year they will try to move me to the alternative school (insert long story here). I think I'll want something different, and if not by next year than definitely after that. So where to go from here. I've always thought that teaching Science, like 6th or 7th grade would be cool. They learn such fun stuff. All I have to do is take a test and pass it. No joke! The extra certification wouldn't hurt me anyhow. And then, I wouldn't be responsible for a caseload of kids with a plethora of paperwork to do. I could just spend my time creating and excellent curriculum full of AWESOME lessons. Sounds good, huh?!
The beginning of 2010 has been so exciting. I've really turned over a lot of leaves. And I've already stuck with me for a little over a week!
I picked up a students book today, Love, star girl by Jerry Spinelli 
and this is what I read (what I can remember anyhow: 'I love new beginnings. If I were in charge of the calendar everyday would be January 1st!' It's exactly how I feel today.
BTW - I LOVE Jerry Spinelli's books. Especially Star Girl....
Well...wouldn't you know as soon as I pat myself on the back for feeling better about finances, someone goes and blows it. That someone would probably be me. But I'd like to thank my mortgage company for their hand in it. Geez! Yesterday was rough...but today I am feeling better. I was spring loaded to do something about my seemingly never ending money problems, so if anything I'm glad that came out of my rough day. In a nutshell, I never realized that the amount you pay for mortgage could change. But it does. And now I know, and knowing is half the battle right? The other half is having a budget and sticking to it. So last night I prepared a budget that seemingly works on paper. I'm going to look through it again later today. And if all goes well, I'll stick to it this year and things will be looking so much better for me next year at this time and you won't have to endure anymore finances suck blogs. Here are some things I'm going to change also throughout the year to help with the situation (and if you have any suggestions):
-make a list for groceries/household needs, buy only things on said list
-plan meals
-watch my checking account more closely (check it online daily)
-open up all my mail and read it
-find a rich man to marry and take over my finances (just kidding)
-buy all Christmas presents before labor day
It is just a learning process and every year is getting better - it's just baby steps and hard to really see the differences, but there are differences!
So...another snow day. It's really nice. I am not ever going to complain. I love snow days. Even though we've had several, I still get giddy when I see my school's name scrolling on the bottom of the tv. I often feel like a kid in those instances. I don't really care how many days we have to go later or not having days off when we are supposed to, because I have 30 days of sick leave and 2 personal days accrued - I can take a sick day when I need a day, no problem. If we are lucky - we might just make the magical number of snow days it takes for the state to forgive and forget...and then they wouldn't matter anyhow. I don't know why every school district just doesn't try to make this number every year. It would save them lots of money. And don't we all know - districts are in the business of saving money this year, finding money, creating money...they just need money.
Anyway - I also wanted to say something about my finances. I am in the hole at this time every year. Christmas just gets me. I just blow it all during the vacation and then have NOTHING for January. Well, I did it again this year, however - not as much as normal, and I know every cent that I'm in the hole. I also had 2 chances to not be in the hole this year - but of course I take the long road and make many mistakes many times, and didn't get my butt in gear to make the decisions for either 2 chances. The chinese have a proverb that says, fall down 7 times get up 8. Well, next year will be my #8. I am going to make sure that I have all shopping and presents by September (never in my life have I done this). Also, I am going to take one of those options that were presented and utilize it if necessary next year. I've even written myself a note in my planner. So...regardless of how negative funds I am right now, I feel like every year I make baby steps toward being better financially and this year is no exception. Whoo hoo!
The poor fish. They are buried under ice and snow. They could possibly not even make it. The ponds only go to about 4 feet, I don't know if that is deep enough in this cold, cold winter weather. It will certainly make for a huge project this spring and summer!
We are supposed to get 2-4 more inches tomorrow and the high on Friday is 0 degrees!! Oh my! We had a snow day today, and probably if the snow comes in tomorrow morning, we'll have the rest of the week out. It's nice having the extra week for winter break and being able to stay in and not get out in the weather. However, there is also the impressing doom of the MAP test which is the end of March and first of April. Educational time is of the essence! It will take a week or three to get my kids back into a routine and learning...Then it's just a few weeks to spring break and then the MAP. I wouldn't be so concerned about it, because I am not really the teacher that is (I'm sped, these kids are probably not going to help our scores anyhow). But government (Missouri or Federal) still have not taken any steps to actually HELP the urban school systems. We had a lady from DESE in a few weeks ago, that pretty much used bully techniques in telling us what we needed to be doing and what they expected to see when they came in. No one left that meeting feeling motivated. And this is all coming from the fact that I need to finish lesson plans, but am instead sitting here worrying about my fish and wondering if the meatballs I made are ready.... I guess I better go check.
Here's to hoping the fish are alive and well after the winter storm of 2009
