hindsight is always 20/20

I had a brush with past on Friday night. Not in the form of a person, or act, but in the form of a beautiful frothy delicious beverage that once I started imbibing, I could not stop. I was taken back to the days of yore (circa year 18-30), drunk and blissfully ignorant. It was just a reminder of why I chose to end that lifestyle and begin a new one (not that I needed a reminder, I love my new one). I'm happy to have left all that drinking and whatnot behind. I don't mind having some drinks, being buzzed but coherent. I do not miss the nights of binging and racing to the end of the glass just to order another. I don't miss smokey bars and disrespectful men. I don't even miss the crazy stories. I sit here today and would rather be the boring, hang out at my/a house kinda gal. If you were present during my drinking days you might have never thought this would come out of my mouth or that I would actually grow into becoming the person I am. I'd like to say that I could still drink you under the table, for what that is worth, but I'm going to have to resign to the fact that at one time in my life I could have and would have.
But today, I am a woman that would rather not. I'd rather enjoy my time buzzed and available to have a good conversation.

My mamasita

Happy Birthday to my Mama! We went out to mexican at Manny's for her birthday dinner and then went and played mini-golf. It was a really good night.
This is a picture after we did her Tequila birthday shot, which I personally think should become a tradition.

I was in chess club in middle school.

I woke up this morning thinking about my next move I'm going to make in my career. I'm definitely going to take the Science praxis and get certified in middle school Science. I would love to teach it and there is a possible opening in a year or two that will be available to me if I want it.
But when I woke up, I wasn't thinking about signing up for that test or ordering the study guide, I was thinking about going back to school. For what you ask? To be a Principal. Every bone in my body is against this - the paperwork, the long hours, the POLITICS! But I woke up thinking about it. And oddly enough it has stuck with me through the day. Weird.

On another note, I also watched the movie See Jane Date - it was on the Hallmark channel this morning (Bethany if you are reading this - it's the reason I skipped yoga..). It's a funny movie, good to watch on TV while you're doing something else. But it shared many of my opinions and experiences with friends and strangers on being single. I just found it ironic since I just spouted off the other day. So I found the movie to be funny and fantastic. Plus Jane had some really great friends! But it's just a movie - I would never expect my friends to be so hands on with my love life.

Now to ponder:
I wonder when I will be less sensitive to all the comments? I wonder if I will turn into the married girl that just talks about it all the time in front of her single friend? I wonder when I'll stop analyzing everything?

somedays I just feel like screaming.

I've been riding on the gratitude wagon this summer, but tonight I totally fell off of it. I can't think of anyone that would be real open to listening to me at 10:51pm on a work night - so I'm going to spout it all here. Please know that it isn't a personal attack on anyone who reads my blog. Get ready...

*I am tired and saddened by friends who treat me like I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship. If you are my friend, then you know that I've been in them and that they were passionate and full (painful and educational). And I think that if you could measure passion, I would have loved harder in my small experience than most couples around me. If you are indeed my friend, then you know that I am around people who are in relationships and married everyday (how many weddings have I been in???!!!). While I may not be married, I sure don't listen to married people with a deaf ear - I am a good friend. I listen and learn and KNOW the problems you are having/have/had. It is not necessary to shove my face in it and rub it around.
*Just to be clear - I am not stupid.
*I know that I'm pretty unattached. Rather than treat me like a leper for it, you should celebrate it. You have a friend that is there when you call, when you want to go out, when you want to come over, when you are upset, when you are mad at your husband.....should I go on? Don't expect to have all that in my friendship if you shun me one minute, and then need me the next. I won't be there. It's also not nice to exclaim to everyone that I'm pretty unattached, if you do feel the need, please exclaim it in the right way to single men. Push me up, not down!
*I know that a lot of people want me to find a mate, and it will come - in my time. And if it doesn't, then it doesn't. You want to know how I feel about these things, then ask. I'll gladly talk about it. It's something I think about daily. It's not necessary to take me out and give me a pep talk.
*Just to be clear - I am not a child.
*Yes, I have feelings and sometimes they aren't pretty ones. If I feel the need to discuss them and expose my flaws, count yourself lucky. I don't talk about them with everyone, and if I've chosen you, there's a reason why - treasure it, don't trash it.
*Be grateful. I know there are times in our lives where we are not as grateful as we should be. We take things for granted that sometimes need our attention. Once in a while, it would be nice, to know that our friendship is important and that me always being there means something to you. I will also try to be better about this. It's one of my areas of focus in my life.

sigh.

When it comes down to it, I think there are times where people just make me feel like the odd man out - and I don't like it. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not a freak. I'm not carrying around a lot of baggage. I'm not abnormal.
I know that I bring some of this on myself. I see the whole picture and I know that I am not communicating that here. Recently, I couldn't stand up for myself in person, so I'm doing it on here.

And some of you wondered why I haven't been blogging....

A blog? Why yes, it's a blog.

It's been so long. I made it through the end of the school year and have transitioned into Summer School.

I've done a lot of reflecting lately. This last year was rough. It was beyond challenging emotionally. But I made it, in one piece. I've done a lot of growing up. And out of that, here's my reaffirmation:

I have the ability to become the person I want to be. I have set goals to become, and lived the journey into it, only to realize I want something else. In which, I say to myself, I have the ability to become the person I want to be.

I have been on a new journey for about a year. I can feel myself growing into the person I want to become. It's exciting.