A new hat.

Coach Steen. That is right. I was offered an opportunity to be the assistant coach of the volley ball team at my school. And seeing as how I'll do just about anything for money these days - I accepted it. I've only been to two practices, but I think I love it. It gives me something to look forward to. Coaching is not something that I ever thought I would do. I'm not really well versed on any one sport (but I can play them all). But I think it's definitely something I am going to explore. Right now it is my saving grace because the job is not fulfilling.

I hope everyone is having a lazy labor day. Other than working all day today at the salon - it's a great weekend filled with lots of fun events and friends. Although I will have to spend sunday or monday cleaning my house - it is a disaster!

Political goodness

It is a good time to be a democrat.

The DNC (democratic national convention) has been going on this week and every night has brought me to tears. I know that sounds ridiculous, but there is much emotion on stage, in the audience and behind my own tears. Tomorrow Barack Obama speaks and accepts his nomination into being the democratic candidate for president. It'll be on between 9 and 10 central standard time. I suggest, if you haven't watched any of it, that you tune in just for that. Even if you are republican, it's good to watch the other 'teams' - educate yourself. Catch some of the presidential '08 fever!

flaw

I am in a negative mood today. And what I notice about myself is that I am always in a negative mood when I have to face reality that I don't have any money. I hate money. I don't think it matters how much you have, or how big your paycheck, you still spend it. I have discussed it before in person, and on here, but the fact remains I'm not good at finances. Every month is a struggle to stay within a certain limit. While I know I'm capable, today I really just want someone to sit down with and go over everything - tell me what to do, how much I have and how I can be effective with my monies. My own personal financial advisor/accountant. And I want them to do it for free :) Outrageous, yes. Unreasonable, yes. Necessary, not really. Wanted, very much! Feasible, not sure.

just allergies

So the doc says that he thinks I am just super sensitive to obscure things (his words). He used the example that I could sit in a chair and then a few days later break out from whatever on the chair (cleaning product or fabric). So anyhow - I'm just going to keep putting on cream and hope for the best.

My favorite quotes

I feel like sharing nothing (afraid of the perpetual work venting), yet also feel the need to post. So I'm going to share with you my two most favorite quotes. Enjoy!

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.
-mary anne radmacher


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.
Do not now seek out the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers.
-Rainer Maria Rilke, letter to a young poet

The first day of school

So this school year is going to be very different for me. I already have a lot of frustrations with the program that I am piloting and also frustrations that I see happening in the future. I am positive about the position and my ability to be successful. I really do not think my school set me up for success, which is disheartening, but I'm sure they knew that in the end I'll pull it out and find a way to make this program successful.
The saddest part of my day was that I didn't really have a "home". I have a closet, yes, but it's not really fun to bring your food through the library and then eat it by yourself in a closet. It's just so different from having a classroom with all the other sped teachers/paras around and someone to constantly chat with. I know that this will pass and I will find my place and eventually have someone to eat lunch with.
The best part of my day was seeing some of my kiddos from last year. I have 2 that came back that I worked really hard to get them into regular ed, succeeded in doing that. I don't know the real challenges that they will face, but I am excited to see them out and about. One of them, J. said first thing to me, "Ms. Steen I matured over the summer." I got a big kick out of it because all last year, I was like, I hope you mature over the summer...

When it rains it pours, and it seems that my life goes without trial for long periods of time and recently there has just been trial after trial. I don't quite know how I'm going to overcome some of them, but I'm sure I will see it all through as we do everything in life. It always works out the way it is supposed to - that is my mantra. Which is why I don't sweat anything for too long.

hm.

Now that I compare the two pics, the rashes look quite different. But remember, the one today is just starting out. I've only had the symptoms since 8-8-08 (ohh..freaky).
And it started by my belly button.

I see a doc on Wednesday at 3:15 if anyone wondered.

It's back...

The rash is back. The one I got last year on my legs and at first the doc thought it was scabies - yeah, that one is back! To see last years blog about it, click here.

Just so everyone knows, I don't blog about this sort of thing to illicit any attention or sympathy. It's so easy to go back and print the pages off for the doctor. That way if it's all linked, like they thought last year - I just have to take the pages in and show them my history. God knows, I could not remember it all with the dates and how I felt.

BTW - I feel fine, just itchy. It started on my stomach near my belly button and then progressed to behind my legs and is now starting to take over the rest of my legs. And like last year, it's small bumps that look like they are blisters and it all REALLY itches. This started around the 8-9th of August. (Is it just coincidence that it happened around the exact day I went back to school?)

Here's 2 pics for the kind doctors that will ask about it.

Notice the pretty pedicure :)


the upclose ugly one.

Good Bye Summer

Tomorrow is the official day summer ends. Kids come, and school really starts! It'll be one big whirlwind and then it'll be summer again.

This summer was very laid back but great. I reconnected with a lot of old friends, most I hadn't spoken to in years. The reconnections have been wonderful. It reminds me at how timeless a friendship can be and that truly time can heal all.

I'm in a great place to let the summer go. I feel good about relaxing and enjoying my summer to it's fullest extent - even if it didn't go the way I intended it to. I am confident about my future year and have ensured myself success. I'm sad to see my days of staying up late and sleeping in, not having a true agenda to my day go, BUT I am excited about what the future holds.

Good luck to all my teacher friends, may your year be successful and fulfilling and may we look forward to next summer as it will come sooner than you thought possible.

#1 Library Dr.

My closet is working out well. And once I got over the initial feelings, I'm really great with everything. My new job is going to be great - and I am going to be good at it. I am very positive about work today.

Catching up on some summer stuff

This is kind of just another blog with pictures of more things I've done this summer. Another reminder that this blog is really more of a diary than something I use to promote my opinion. So here's some things that have happened in the last few weeks that I wanted to share with everyone.






My backyard. It is certainly a city girl's wilderness dream. I first saw this blue monarch floating around my bottom pond. I was lucky enough to get a close pic. I think it would make a great tatoo :)
This is the first time I have witnessed so many lily pad flowers blooming at one time. Usually it is just one or two, not 5 or 6. It was very pretty.





This is a pic of me and my mom. It's at her friend, Mary's bachelorette party. It was a really fun night. We look very alike in this picture, but I never really think about me looking like my mom...it's sweet.



On the last free Monday before my job started again, a good friend of mine, Kelly, and I went to a lake around KC. It is a private lake called, Lake Winnebago. We had such a good time. It really made me want a huge house, my own dock and a private lake to hang out in.

next year, take 2

Okay - I wrote that blog before ever talking it out and now I realize that the assignment given is not the disappointment, the taking away of my classroom is. Having your own classroom is one of the joys of being a teacher. I figure it is similar to being a higher up and having a corner office or an office with a door. So I will come to terms with it all tomorrow when I try to cram 7 years of teaching stuff into a closet and keep room for the speech path who is sharing the closet with me.

next year...

So I finally found out today what I will be doing for next year. I'm very disappointed in my school district. Their ability to use and abuse me is masterful. I will be doing about 3 full time jobs - in one. Unfortunately, I'm only getting paid to do one as well...that should change. I will be implementing a new program within the special education setting in the district called facilitation. Basically, I will be working with the entire 6th grade to modify work/tests/instruction for all the students with an IEP. I will be responsible for making sure all this happens and all needs are met, including pulling them out for test taking etc. I am also still in charge of students with emotional disorders/behavioral disorders. So I will also have them on my case load and have them in a homeroom as well as a social skills class. And for job #3, with our caseloads being as big as they are (usually in the 25+), I also consider the paperwork and stuff for that a full time job - because it is at my school.
On top of all of this, they are taking away my classroom and I am being forced into a closet in the library, which I will share with the speech pathologist. I have 7 years of teaching stuff. I really wish they could have told me earlier so I'd be more prepared for this.
I am cutting my summer off early and starting to go in tomorrow since I will be moving rooms.
My thoughts now are that I can do this - no problem, but I just don't think it's very fair with all the hard work I always put in. They really should give me a raise to compensate the extra time I will be putting in and the lack of lunch or break time I will have.
My goal for the future is just to find a place of employment where I'm respected and appreciated.

some things don't change.

Three or so weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hang out with my best friend from middle school, Kodi. This opportunity was one where I got to meet her family - her daughter and her husband. I also got to see her mom and meet a good friend of Kodi's from college. It was very special and very exciting for me. Kodi is and always will be one of my closest friends. I have struggled with how to explain our friendship. You really only know it if you have it. But, Kodi is always with me. Even when we don't talk or communicate for a multitude of years - she's always right here. And I feel that it's the same for her - I'm always right there. I believe it's truly unique to find a friendship like we have.



I don't try to play the "i wonder..." game with my life. Everything happens for a reason and I truly have faith in that. But when it comes to the 3 and 1/2 years I spent in Cabool, MO - I do always wonder what would have happen if we hadn't moved. Who would I have become?
I lived there during my 5-8th grade years (very formative years) and I can say that it was one of the bright spots in my life. And having a life long friend that came out of those three years is the brightest. Lylas!

Kodi blogged about it, and created a scrap book page from our visit. Feel free to take a look. Kodi's Blog