A back to school thoughts

-I always look forward to school coming and the schedule, but I love summer and it's endless possibilities.

-Volleyball. I love coaching it. It gives me a satisfaction that nothing else in life has given me. It takes up a lot of time and drives me to utilize my plan time to the very last second.

-New clothes. I always hope my new school clothes will be a smaller size. Not this year, even with the change in diet and more activity - it hasn't quite paid off for me yet. I think as I get older I have to have even more activity (working out)to lose any weight.

-Like being back in the classroom. But in hindsight, I really liked being a facilitator and having the opportunity to work with LOTS of kids. I also liked working really closely with the other adults. I've always thought that I would like to someday go back to managing - the ultimate goal being a principal or process coordinator. But I really don't think so. I think I'm just fine teaching, and teaching different stuff every year has made me into somewhat of a jack of all curriculum.

-I am more social this year than any year since I've been at Center (5th year). I love it. I love being able to be social and friendly. I've been kinda overloaded in the past and had to have a game face nearly all day with the kids I worked with. This year is starting off wonderfully. I hope that I can continue the friendliness.

-Decided to go organic - but can't afford it. So I just switched my milk to organic. I found one I like and they sell it in bulk at Sam's (horizon). I guess it'll have to happen a little at a time - much like the stores around here. I also buy some other things organic if it's a good deal.

-I am happy that I am finished with the last wedding that I will ever be a bridesmaid in. Happily married and in love people are just making me sick right now. I find that I'm not necessarily jealous in a green envy kind of way - but I really want that. It makes me sad that I don't have that and can't seem to fall into it. (Because I know you can't FIND it - I know that when you stop looking is when you seem to find it...:P *I'm leering when I say this because I'm tired of people saying it to me, like I haven't heard it before - like I really get out and look for it?!! Spare me.)

-It's 10:32 and I can't believe I'm not asleep - I stayed up late baking cookies. :) Now I must go!

For all you American Idiots

a new kind of hangover...

I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Here they are in no particular order...

-I watched that show, Big Love - the reality bachelor series with the fat people on it. I hate it. How stupid. Those girls need therapy! Most of them thought that people wouldn't love them because they were big. It was a sad, depressing and pathetic show. God, how are they going to feel when they get rejected by a guy on TV, not to mention their weight was put up there beside their name when they were introduced. They don't do that during the 'regular' bachelor - Here's Candy, she's 5'9" and weighs 98 lbs and is a size -10. I hate it. You wanna know what's wrong with America today - watch reality tv, while eating a super sizer from McD's...(I didn't do that last part!)

-I tried to mask my loneliness this summer with getting to know myself better and liking myself more. While, eventually I think this summer will turn out to be a turning point in my life, it was really lonely and at times VERY depressing.

-I see a lot of good things in myself, a lot more than I ever have. But there are times that are so frustrating. I know what I want to do and how to change it and when to do it, but something - some really frustrating obstacle/block - is not allowing my to get through and get to it. I almost feel like I'm waiting for a personal cheerleader, but I know that I just have to do it by myself. This makes me incredibly sad and angry and emotional because I don't want to be alone, I don't want to do this all alone. This feeling is at the surface of everything right now and I'm just not shaking it as easily as I have in the past.

-Some days I want to go somewhere else (far away) and start again, like a do over. But I feel so grounded here and unable to really go so I just stay.

-Organic, shouldn't it cost less? It is more cost effective with less pesticides and freshners going on it. Also, why doesn't everyone carry organic stuff - meat, veggies, fruit? I'm going to have to go to Whole foods or Whole Paycheck as the Morgan's call it. Because, folks, I'm going to go as organic as I can, just a personal decision.

-I'm actually ready for school to start. I've enjoyed my time during the month of July - the weather has been perfect. I saw a few people, did some stuff overall just tried to enjoy my time by myself or with friends. But I'm ready to move it on to something else. If it wasn't school, I would need a real vacation away from here or something else - camp? I don't know, just needing to move on.

-I wish Maggie (my dog) could tell me about her dreams. They are so full of yipping and growling, whining and moving.

All the single ladies

Ahhh...bachelorette parties. Naughty gifts, penis straws, strippers, and gaggles of screaming girls are all thoughts that come to mind when I think about this kind of event. That was nothing like the event I planned on Saturday. It was to be a nice intimate, but educational event. I was very happy with the decorations. I had chosen lots of color with crazy daises (thank you Mary), boas, and sunglasses. This was easy and fun looking. Everything went as planned. I was really only disappointed in how loud the room was - but I'm the one that picked it, I just did not remember it ever being that loud. One person couldn't talk loud enough for everyone to be heard. I had planned a beer tasting, since I had it at a brewery. It was entirely too loud for that, plus people filtered in at their own times - some people were an hour later than the event time (to each their own). So, I personally don't think the beer tasting was a success. Although, I still like the idea. A wine tasting would also be fun for a shower or bachelorette party.
Everything else was wonderful and sweet (like the bride). My friend, Natalie, made these sugar cookies that are to die for. Bethany's sister, Dawn, brought a really fun game to play. I got fantastic discounts for me when I paid the bill thanks to great friends at KCHops.

Mary and I were going to go around Waldo for an afterparty, but we didn't get to do much of that.
We ended up over at a friends house, celebrating a birthday. It was a great time, so much so, that I didn't leave til 5 am. Ridiculous. I came home and crashed (in my mind I was 10 years younger, partying like it was 1999). I was going to be getting up in a few hours and heading to CoMo to spend some much needed time with Alicia (and fam). Because I am actually 10 years older than I thought I was, I slept through 3 alarms and multiple phone calls and texts and didn't wake up until 10:15am, 15 minutes after I was supposed to be there. What a jerk I am. If only I'd partied like I was 32, not 22. Alicia is very forgiving - but I let myself down, I was very upset about this and still am. Another blog to come about how to deal with personal disappointment soon.

Those feelings aside, I think Saturday was successful. I'm mostly happy with the party I threw and still impressed by the amount of beer I can drink (sarcasm anyone?!) I learned, again, that nothing good happens after 1:00am and it's okay to excuse yourself from the party and go home and that regardless of the fun your having, if you're over 30, you probably should just do that.