Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope everyone has a fun, safe and family filled Thanksgiving!

Short vent

I have one short vent that I need to get out there. I am really tired of selfish people. I understand we're all like that at some times - and that I've had my fair share of moments. But right now, I feel like in my everyday life, I am surrounded by selfish people. A friendship goes both ways - time for you and time for me. A really good rule of thumb is that for every time someone listens to you, listen to them. And if you have a really bad moment and spill out all over someone, make sure you're there for them when their moment arrives.

That is all. I'm really psyched about Thanksgiving vacation!! A break! I can't wait! I'm actually in a fantastic mood and being very productive. I just had to get some stuff out. Therapeutic, this blog is.

the best of

The best part of today is realizing that tomorrow is Friday, finally. I think that Friday at 2:30pm is the happiest minute of my week, I'm so looking forward to it this week. :D

(see I can do it without complaining!!)

such a complainer

I am such a complainer - I don't mean to be. I think that things are just not going my way right now. I got sick over the weekend with the flu. I haven't had the flu in YEARS! But I think what happened is that my immune system isn't very strong and when I got my shot on Thursday it couldn't create the antibodies that it needed to fight away the virus. And so I got sick. But of course today when I woke up (late), I felt okay enough to go to work, plus it was too late to call in. I'm really tired of always having some kind of physical illness or problem. I'm ready to feel 100% again.
I'm also really tired of my complaining so this will be it. Maybe my luck will change once I stop complaining about all that is going wrong....it's a theory anyhow.

arg

So said letter that I wrote yesterday about getting a student a personal para didn't flip like I wanted it to. I cannot believe the inconsistent answers and attacks on work ethic that I am getting. The big boss came over to someone else's classroom today. She stopped by mine, and I was thinking that she just came over to observe my student. Well, I heard later that she came over because my room was noisy. Are you f'n kidding me?

Like Rodney Dangerfield is famous for - "I get no respect, no respect."

screwed, I think not

There is some sick and twisted pleasure I get from not allowing my job to screw me. They are really playing games with me. I want a personal para for one of my kids and they are just jacking me around and making me do all this work. So today, I put together a fine document that had data and statistics and all the key special ed words. It was F-I-N-E fine. And I sent it to all that mattered. And from my administrators I got cheers of hooray and good job and support. I think I floored my director. There is no question of what this child needs anymore. It just makes me feel good that I am on top of it and know what is going on and can relay that in words. I am really good at what I do, and they can't really afford to lose me, so they better not screw with me. And that is where I'm at with that.

awwww.....it gets better

So we already know that I'm hurt, bitter, and angry at the world right now. To further that, they are being stingy at work and not allowing me the personal para for one of my students. There reply is always, there's not enough money. There totally is enough money. I've saved them at least $600+ a month by eradicating a behavior intervention. (positive behavioral milestones, if you know that group) And they took away one Process Coordinator, so now our entire district only has 2. We see ours once a week if we're lucky. I know there's money. Now, I'd just like to know where they are rat hole-ing it. I can guarantee you it's not in my pocket. So, now I feel that the school is screwing me. I'm ready to try another one - although, I have a feeling that maybe they are all the same.
AND Sprint is screwing me again, for the 5th month in a row. This is ridiculous. In about a week I will be calling and trying to get out of my plan and moving on to another company. There's no good reason for calling every month since June because my plan is screwed up - all because I washed my phone. I really shouldn't have this many problems because I overlooked where my phone was when I put a blanket in the washer. Stupid.
So now, officially, I can say screw it all. Of course I would probably use worse language than that....but this is online and in writing, so in a nice way, screw them all, screw it all, screw everything.
It'll all get better, I know. And probably sooner than later. But I just had to get on here and rant.

A good lesson in this is that when you see the worst in things, the worse comes out in everything. Learn up, people.

distant and obscure ravings

There's a good scene in Bridgett Jones' Diary where she sings the 'All by myself' song, drunk on vodka, plays air drums, cries for her singletoness. Not all of us had times like these, I had them during my gin & tonic days. But not so much since. I have, however, slipped into an abyss of loneliness, and not just being single loneliness, but all around loneliness. Last week, I was just wanting the friends to come to me, to help me, to be there for me...this week I'm screaming out 'hey, let's have a conversation, let's hang out.' and I've gotten the same reaction - no answered phone calls, no answered emails, total ignorance. From my friends. People whose calls I answer, who show up at my door, who send emails needing to talk, text messages. I don't understand it. I was there for them, I thought it worked both ways. How many times will I learn this lesson in life? Probably a million more. I'm stopping here and going on though, a person shouldn't have to spell it out for their friends. I learned a while ago that you are the most important person in your life.

A good thing is that I am luckier than most, I learn from everything and regret nothing.

Disclaimer: this blog is not intended to entertain the masses, it is like a diary and for all intents and purposes used to record my thoughts during that time period and moment. Don't be worried or upset or pissed off, it was your decision to venture through my personal thoughts and feelings at this moment. Who knows, the feelings and thoughts could change in the next moment and be totally different...

Daylight savings time

Did anyone else feel like today was the longest day ever? I did. I don't know whether it was the hour back, or just my day - but it was the longest day. I'd watch tv for 30 minutes, and it felt like an hour.

Tomorrow starts another work week - I hope it goes fast for everyone and that you find happiness in it.

Alone

If you know me well, you know that being single doesn't really bother me very often. I have great friends and lots to do, all the time. Well, the scary-old-lady-alone-with-80-cats syndrome has reared it's ugly head. I haven't gone off and adopted 79 more cats, nor am I going to...but the fact remains, I am single. And no matter how you say it, with vivacious umph, or a whiny, give-me-pity voice, you're still single. And at the end of the night when everyone goes home with their husbands, you are still going home to your house where there is only a feline, canine, and gerbil to greet you. No man in your bed waiting. No one wanting to have a conversation. No one to pour you a glass of cold water and get you a vitamin.

Here's what I want the world to know today, before I put my black boots on and walk - is that all I really want is someone to have a real conversation with, where we talk about real feelings, and where I listen as much as the other person does. It's that simple. But where does a girl find that..