I'm grateful for new glasses coming. It's probably time to change my contacts, but I am awaiting my new glasses, so when I get home for the night, I can just put them on and let my eyeballs breath.
I'm also grateful for a past principal which agreed to be a reference. It was the last reference I was looking for and so my application can be complete. I will be putting out applications and waiting for the phone calls. I've definitely decided on Elementary and am reviewing districts pay scales to see who's the highest bidder. Unfortunately - Center is right now, but I do have a lot of experience and am well respected in my trade - soooo....I might be able to get a deal.
Just some updates:
1. I got a key to the salon. So I can now pick up shifts with only one person working.
2. I have not heard from the dr. about all the tests he ordered, but I should sometime this week.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Great-full
Posted by bonnie at 10:17 PM 1 comments
Friday, February 22, 2008
Another Snow Day!
This is unreal! We have another snow day. I can't hardly believe it. Even though I was scheduled to not be at work anyway - it's really nice to know that I would have had a 5 day weekend (except for working all day at the salon on saturday). I got my house cleaned up yesterday. I did the really deep cleaning - not just putting everything up.
It was good to have the day to do that. At this time of year, I think it's really hard to be motivated to do anything. The last two Sunday's I've spent shamelessly in bed. Didn't get up to do anything but go to the bathroom, get some water or milk, and let the dog out. So cleaning house yesterday was not only an emotional relief, but necessary.
Today I am going to venture out. I have a few errands I need to run, and I thought about actually heading down to the symposium I'm supposed to be at so my district doesn't waste $115.
Have a fantastic weekend.
Posted by bonnie at 10:46 AM 3 comments
Thursday, February 21, 2008
sigh...
Is there ever a time in life where you actually feel like you get ahead or at least clear even? I can see the gains and all the wonderful things I've accomplished - but I do not feel like I'm ahead or even - I feel far behind.
The good moment for the day - my 5:33 AM call for a snow day!! I did already have the day off, but now, I will be stuck in my house and am using the day to clean! I have been so lazy and lethargic lately that I've done nothing. I've even resorted to the wearing of dirty clothes (fluff them in the dryer of course). So anyway - I'm at it. I thought I'd take a minute and check all my stuff - thank god I did. I've got to get my sh-- together! I absolutely love these wake-up calls (sike).
I did go to the dr. but got nothing. They got 8 vials of blood and an ekg. So we'll see from there. I'm not going to post anything about it until I know anything one way or the other.
Hope everyone stays warm today and is safe if you decide to get out!
Posted by bonnie at 12:13 PM 3 comments
Thursday, February 14, 2008
VD
The clarity worked - and today was possibly the best day I've had at work all year. It felt as if teaching was supposed to feel. I didn't feel terrible, sick, or stressed when I left. It was nice.
Thanks to everyone for the VD messages. (VD is Valentine's day) I sent a few of my own and still have some to give out. Mainly I saved it for my every day peoples. I'm not big onto the whole deal - I like the pretty colors and all the fun candy and cards - but really.....it's a Hallmark Holiday! Nothing important. I do have to thank Brian, my best guy friend, for being my Valentine once again. THANKS! You always save me from sitting at home by myself on this crappy day.
I did really appreciate an email Brian sent - went something like this:
"Happy Singles Awareness Day!" I thought that was genius.
Hope everyone had a wonderful VDay and that if you are coupled you got flowers and the like, and if you're not coupled that you had wonderful friends to share it with and that you didn't sit at home and feel sorry for you singleton self.
Have a great weekend!! TGIF!
Posted by bonnie at 10:17 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
clarity
It has become very clear to me that I need to send out more positive messages into the universe. Everything has really not been going my way. I've said it before, I will say it again - When it rains, it pours. And since I have been having a negative attitude, I think it has continued to pour. I've tried to change my thinking to more positive, but something else would happen or I'd lose my patience and bam - back to the negative. So I'm going to try something - I'm going to write about my day and tell what the positive of the negative was. And hopefully it will at least cancel out and the universe will stop pouring on me.
Ran late this morning - just dreading going to school. But I got there only 15 minutes late and then started working the minute I got in. I was able to take care of a kid that I had worried about earlier that morning and so all was good.
Had a rough day. But I did notice that the students really work well on worksheets (I have actually been noticing this). I'm not a worksheet kind of teacher, but I think if it would calm my class down - I would become that teacher for at least the rest of this year. I'll be giving it a try in the next few weeks. Realizing this and accepting this also made me think that my students must like to complete work, but like to have the work/tasks in front of them before they begin. So my checklist on the smartboard isn't enough. I don't think a checklist on their desk would be enough - but I'm going to try. I'll be killing more than a few trees the rest of this year.
I cried twice today - both times just because I break down. And I've noticed that when I do cry (It's quite often lately) my mantra is 'I can't do this'. I don't know if I can change that by the time I get to that point - but I know that it does make me feel better and I always talk myself into knowing that I can and have to do it. I probably need to take more breaks and that way I wouldn't get to that point.
I locked myself out of my house. Didn't freak out - went on to the gym and then to get my hair did. When I got home I didn't worry, I just kicked the door in - see a few weeks ago, somehow, my door frame cracked (weather). And so it was easy. I have Saturday off and will be able to just spend the day figuring out how to fix it.
Now I'm off to eat some dinner and see a concert/show. I hope that the universe sends me something nice. Or at least I've started to change my precipitation problem. It can surely stop raining on me anytime.
Posted by bonnie at 6:04 PM 2 comments
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Celebrations, Bitching and everything in between
First the good news - with my income tax money I have paid off my Eddie Bauer Credit Card. It's always good to pay something off right. I'll be shredding that card - and not using it ever again. I'm just not fiscally responsible enough.
Also-I go to the specialist next Tuesday. I'm glad it was moved up. Stacy, I just read your comment about black mold - I'm going to look into all that and see how to test for it - just to rule it out. When my house was inspected the guy went everywhere and said there wasn't any problem with mold or carbon dioxide. I'll do my research and then look into it though. At this point, I'll pretty much do anything.
I'm also taking my unhappiness at work into my own hands and finding a new job. I've started applying. I'm hoping to be able to have a new job in place for next year before this year ends.
While all this goodness is fantastic - I'm still in a funk and there seems to be little to get me out of it. I've started back to my old eating habits. I stopped working out as much. I'm definitely not losing weight. And in fact have put on a few of the pounds I've lost (not too many though). I'm finding it really hard to find the want to go to the gym or the self control not to eat whatever I want. I know - that I have to do both in order to lose weight. But after I get done writing this, I'm going to the gym.
I've begun two lists - one on 100 things that I'd like to do and the other on all the things, even small minuscule ones, that I'd like in a man. If you are lucky I'll try and blog them both this week. Thanks to Stacy for the first idea, and Oprah's magazine for the second.
Okay - I'm out like trout to the gym. Have a great week!
Posted by bonnie at 3:34 PM 3 comments
Monday, February 04, 2008
Vote!
I know I'm speaking to the choir - but make sure and get out there and vote on SuperTuesday. Let's make sure our votes get expressed - no matter what/who you vote for. I was rather impressed with all the Super Tuesday - get out and vote hoopla during the Superbowl yesterday! It really shows how ready our country is for a leader and a new direction.
And just for fun - a quote: "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress.. But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
Posted by bonnie at 8:59 PM 2 comments
Money, it's a drag...
After this last wonderful weekend with Saturday off, I've decided that I need to not work on Saturday's anymore. This presents a problem because it is now the only day that I work my second job. So - my solution to this is to ask to work during the week and not on Saturday's. If they respond in a negative manner - then my option is to quit and not work a second job. I'll just have to watch the going out and spending. Which can be done, although not easily. And I can always ask around for tutoring jobs and after school care and such. That kind of stuff is just not steady. But maybe if I picked something up every once in a while and watched my money by actually budgeting - then I could truly be successful at not working on Saturdays or having a second job at all.
In conclusion, I would really enjoy not working a 6 day work week. Thank you.
Posted by bonnie at 3:46 PM 2 comments
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Diagnosis X
What I know:
The doc put me on steroids again methylprednisolone and so the swelling has gone way down. I'm able to do every day stuff without a lot of pain AND I'm not moaning as much. It is my third time being on these steroids so I went to the link above and realized that all the 'prescribed for' are the problems that I've been having. So I some more hope that my doctor knows what he is doing. Also, just for point of clarification - I have seen this particular doctor since I moved back from Cabool in 8th grade. So it's not just some joe schmo HMO.
As perplexing as it seems, what I have symptoms (been having) is some kind of connective tissue disease. However, in September he gave me that run of tests and I came up fine. I'll be going to see a rheumatoid arthritis specialist soon (they didn't answer their phones yesterday so I could make an appointment). I don't think my doctor has nailed it down to just that - but I guess the guy has some experience and will be able to put things together and make some sense of them. After looking at the wiki-pedia about RA, I don't think I have that. There are a slew of other connective tissue diseasesthough, and my guess is that I probably have one of them.
I also think before this is all said and done that I really should go see a allergist and have the big stick test. Just to rule all that out - and to see what I'm allergic too. The other thing that hasn't escaped me is that this all pretty much started when I moved into my house - if we want to connect it to something - it also started the day I started back to school - so we can connect it to that if you want also.
But all this boils down to my symptoms which have been: skin irritation, trouble breathing, inability to fight off cold/bronchitis (may be due to the steroids), swollen joints, and joint stiffness - all at some point in time over the last 6 months.
Now, I'm going to go and enjoy my first Saturday off in a very long time. I'll let you know what I know, when I know it. :)
Posted by bonnie at 10:25 AM 2 comments
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Doctor, Doctor give me some news....
Well....I'm now on month 6, going into month 7 of having some sort of sickness. First it was the rash on my wrist, then the rash on my legs/arms, then breathing problems, then the normal cold sickness, which then turned into acute asthmatic bronchitis, which went away for a total of 4 days and then came back, I have somewhat gotten rid of the cough, but still am congested at times and Tuesday brought on a whole new symptom that I've never had. It started with feelings of the flu, a fever, and then every joint in my body has swelled to maximum size. Every once in a while it will go down and I will actually be able to see a normal size. This comes with joint stiffness and pain - pain all over. It's all my joints - from my toes, ankle, knees, spine, neck, elbow, wrists, fingers - and it all hurts. So another trip to the doc tomorrow - this time I'm really not leaving until he agrees to either send me to a specialist, or run a load of tests. I just want to rule it all out so I can go on medical diagnosis, or they can use me as a story for House.
I'm all good and sure of getting better until someone brings up yet another disease or virus that it could be. I've heard so many. I've checked the webmd and it comes up with some crazy stuff as well. So - I'm just going to stand strong and make my dr. do something other than just treat the symptom - I really feel the need to find out what's going on, now.
I'm not going to school tomorrow because of the pain and the dr.'s appointment - I've moaned through the last two days. So I won't be going in to get weighed...so I won't have an official loss/gain - but I am going to weigh myself here at home in the morning and try to judge it off that. My scale and the nurses scale at school are off, but it's usually by two pounds so I think I can guesstimate that.
Anyway - prayers people!! I guess my good deeds are not enough.
Posted by bonnie at 10:09 PM 2 comments
Monday, January 28, 2008
In da Center...
This is a concern-full blog. I have been having a lot of struggle with my current position in my school district. I am currently teaching a Cross Categorical (many disabilities and levels) room in the middle school. I was hired to teach in their Emotional Disorder classroom - which as I understood it also had a classroom at the elementary and high school - making it somewhat of a district program. After my first year (most of my students were 8th graders) my students moved up to the high school and one by one, almost all of them were placed in outside placements because - they didn't have a self-contained classroom, nor anyone in place to support their needs. Also - the next year, they took my position away (totally, like it didn't exist anymore) and had me teaching something called Curriculum Support. Rather like a study hall for students in special education. Then this year, they gave me back my ED classroom, and when I got the kids, what I realized was it was a cross cat. room. AND what I have since found out is that the way it works in the elementary is that when they have kids that they just can't deal with elsewhere, they stick them in 'this' room - which when they get to middle school is MY room.
I'm not happy teaching cross cat. I would much rather teach curriculum; like reading, or be in a district with an actual ED program.
At this point - there isn't anything for me if I stay, no hope to be doing something I agree with or love. I also am not happy with the Special Education program that they have district wide. I do not think we are capable of serving kids that we should be able to.
I have no idea where I should go from here or if I should. I don't know what district would be better or more suited. I hand picked Center and am disappointed that it did not turn out to be what it was supposed to be. Do I get out and search for that? I'm not even sure if it exists. I just know I have to get away from the cross cat. room - I thought they were leaning away from that in education.
Also, my para put in her 2 weeks today. I'm dreading that. I don't really know who/what they will put in her place. I do know that it will make more work for me. But I also understand how stressful our room is and how she doesn't want to do it anymore. So I gave her my blessing - mostly so she wouldn't feel guilty. Her last day will be a sad day for me. Happy for her though.
I'm not really looking for any answers from my readers - but it's just helpful to get my thoughts out there.
Posted by bonnie at 3:10 PM 1 comments
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Announcing....
I am finally at the ripe old age of 30 and before I turn 31, retiring from the every Friday afternoon 'Happy Hours' which are actually and usually from 3pm to 3am. Nothing good ever comes of them. I am not enjoying them nor having a good time. Thus the announcement of my retirement.
Thanks to my supporters over the years - may you still know my name and beverage when I walk in the door.
Kennedy's
Corner Cocktail
Johnny's (now Paddy O'Quigley's up north)
Tanner's
and 75th St. Brewery for being the good beer and good food break during the evenings.
Many thanks to all the schools I've working in for supplying me with the want/need to go to happy hour every Friday as well as the friends to go with.
Posted by bonnie at 10:56 AM 1 comments
Friday, January 25, 2008
1/25 Biggest Loser
The three day weekend threw me for a loop. I did not exercise as much as normal and I had too many beers over the weekend.
BUT....
I still lost 2 pounds. And so the grand total now is 17 lbs.
Posted by bonnie at 3:20 PM 1 comments
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
New $$ Strategy
I'm going to try out a new money strategy for this month (remember I get paid only once a month). Here it is:
1. Only go out one night a week (I'm a normal 2-3 night outer).
2. Only go to Walmart/Target once a month, have a list and go by the list.
3. Start two separate funds, one for traveling and another for the house - pay them first.
4. Continue not to eat out for lunch or dinner (I've been doing this, working well in all ways).
I've started mapping it out and only come across one flaw - there's one week where I have 2 live band events and it's Valentine's weekend in which I like to take myself out - so that is really 3 events. That will be tricky....
Any suggestions or ideas or whatever - give me a post or email. This money stuff is always an on-going thing with me.
Posted by bonnie at 3:25 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Tard Blog #3
This time, I'm the tard. A picture says a thousand words. This is the second day in a row (last friday and today) that I've had to break up a fight. Today though, I did not win.
This is after school - so I've gone all day with kids and stress and only a 20 minute break for lunch. The scratch itself is about 1.5 inches long. This is what happens when you break up a fight from the front, and not the back. Also, this is what happens when the student just keeps going and you are in the direct line of fire.
If you need a closer look:
Posted by bonnie at 3:13 PM 5 comments
Saturday, January 19, 2008
1/18 - Biggest Loser
I lost 5 more pounds this week - total so far: 15 pounds.
Yay me!
Posted by bonnie at 6:19 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Quote of the week.
'Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that.
It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.'
--Drew Carey
Thought this was fitting for my week.
Posted by bonnie at 4:28 PM 2 comments
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
16.
16 Things it took me 50 years to learn
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark . A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. . . They start out as grapes; and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Posted by bonnie at 2:23 PM 2 comments
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sweet story
Today was not my day. I had at least 30 people asking me to do something. I gave up my plan time to help someone out, unbeknownst that I would have such a bad Monday. By lunch time, I was grumpy and hungry. But without food, because I forgot to bring my lunch today. I don't have any funds to go get something - nor should I because I dived right off the wagon this weekend.
I must have mentioned something about it while I was teaching my class and when I picked them up from lunch one of my sweet girls came running at me. She handed me this little paper holder with cake and 2 chicken nuggets all wrapped in napkins. Then she handed me her juice and said, "There Ms. Steen, I saved some of my lunch for you so you wouldn't be hungry." So sweet I teared up. It was a bright spot in my day.
Posted by bonnie at 6:37 PM 1 comments
Autism
I got this on my myspace in bulletin. Thought I would post it on here. I'd like to see more research and support for autism. It's diagnosis is increasing and the spectrum seems to be spreading from very serious (non verbal etc.) to very functional but quirky. It affects me daily, I teach 2 children correctly diagnosed within the autism spectrum, but there are more that are, but are not diagnosed.
AUTISM MOVIE
The band 5 for Fighting is donating 49 cents for every time this video is watched. The proceeds go to fight Autism give it a watch and pass it around.
Posted by bonnie at 6:26 PM 0 comments
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Biggest Loser
We are doing this weight loss deal at work and every friday we get weighed by the nurse. (She took all our current stuff the friday before last). So Friday was our first weigh in and guess what...I lost 10 pounds. Way cool huh?! I always lose a lot the first week. And then it goes down hill from there.
Posted by bonnie at 6:20 PM 3 comments
Monday, January 07, 2008
New Orleans: New Years Eve
I most looked forward to New Years Eve. We got a lay of the French Quarter, and I felt good about seeing other parts of New Orleans (Garden District). I was terribly excited for NYE though. I had a good outfit all picked out. I had bought a shiny pink shirt for $4, and then got another good deal on some shoes $8, and bought some jeans for $30 - it was a great inexpensive outfit! To top it off Celinda bought us boas and the one I ended up with matched perfectly and looked fantastic. Here's some pics of us on Bourbon St. The night went accordingly - to dinner, back to the room to get dressed, out to Molly's on Toulouse, then down to Jackson Square for fireworks and ball dropping, then to some more bars and clubs, then around 3AM we ended up at Cafe Du Monde. It was an entire night of good times. The best NYE I have ever had.
You can have your drinks on the street!! I loved that.
Best friends!!
Eating beignets at Cafe Du Monde.
The crew!
Posted by bonnie at 8:17 PM 3 comments
Thursday, January 03, 2008
New Years Celebration: New Orleans
It's another really late night. I had to work until 8:30 then come home, eat, workout and return phone calls. I wanted to add some more of my fun trip. Sorry it's coming in such a choppy manner. Photo's then captions.
Jackson Square
Cafe Du Monde - this is where we ate beniets and drank coffee around 4 AM after new years eve
A brass band - we saw a few of these. This one I missed, but Brian got a picture. I was in the bathroom. I think we were around the Market - which was just a really cool outdoor market with lots of 'junk'. I bought an alligator head (small one) as my souvenir and named it Molly after my favorite bar in NO.
From the St. Louis Cemetery #1. Brian took this and then digitized it. I thought it turned out wonderful, beautiful. The tombs above ground were so weird. I was really intrigued to learn that they are all family tombs, and what happens is that after the person decomposes they just kind of push them to the back to make room for the next deceased in the family.
We went on a trolly ride to the Garden District (where all the big beautiful houses are). This is a self taken portrait. I will continue with the Garden District tour tomorrow and will definitely get to the actual New Years Eve photo's I know everyone is waiting for.
Posted by bonnie at 10:28 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
New Years Celebration
I found myself in New Orleans for New Years this year. I went with college friends, the same people I normally spend New Years with. It was a destination birthday party. I was really concerned about whether or not it would be a good time. I spoke to many people regarding my feelings. I kind of feel like I've been growing away from some of the people involved. When we all go out, I never get called - they always call Brian and usually Brian calls me to let me know (petty, I know). I just felt kinda out of the loop - also they are all coupled and I'm still single. I think the real deal is probably that they think I'm always busy - which they are pretty right. Plus my bestest is an old friend of the group that was outed a long time ago because for a period of time she had verbal diarrhea and said things aloud that probably didn't need to be said.
ANYWAY - back to New Orleans (NO). It was the best time. I really rocked it out. It was like a well prepared meal - not over done, but not underdone either.
I'm going to post some pictures - I'll put captions underneath. I have other pictures and will post those later. It's getting late, but I wanted to get some pics on here for my mom and others that might not see the pics till later.
Waiting in line at Mother's to get lunch! We had just gotten there.
Me at Muriel's where we went for our nice dinner. It was really wonderful!
There are so many more - I'm overwhelmed and just need to go to bed. I promise to post many more later and tell more stories. It was a really good time and I want to share that with you.
Posted by bonnie at 9:38 PM 3 comments
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Things I like about Christmas: Santa and presents
I know many of you don't believe in Santa, but he is real and if you believe in him, still at 30, he will bring you what you ask for - or just some really nice things. I was obviously on the good list this year. The picture will speak for itself.
Of course, you've got to have wonderful parents that do 'Santa's' work and still bring their 30 year old daughter presents from Santa. Eric was on the good list this year and got just what he asked for (tools)!
Christmas itself was fantastic. I made two meals - one breakfast (easy), and the second was glazed cornish game hens, braised vegetables, and potatoes a la Jaques Pepin (I might have that name wrong) Anyway - that WAS impressive and very good. I would much rather cook cornish game hen then turkey anyday!! Hint, for next thanksgiving. We played games, we played the Wii that Eric brought. It was a really good two days.
AND I got to see movies: The Dewey Cox Story, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Juno. All good and all very different. Can't even say which one I liked the most. I feel like I still have at least 6 more to go see that have come out recently.
Hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas and that it found you on the nice list, rather than the naughty list.
Posted by bonnie at 3:48 PM 4 comments
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Things I like about Christmas: Friends
This week has been packed with Christmas stuff - going to see Manheim Steamroller, going to the Magic of Christmas (kc symphony), and then yesterday spending the whole day with good friends! We went to the Boulevard Brewery and took the tour. It was really cool! After the tour of course, we got to try all the beers. It was excellent. The beers on tap and fresh are so different from the bottled beers. It was a really yummy experience. Here's some pics from that:
Then we went to eat at the Peanut, a local bar with good food. Then we hung around for a bit, went to see the movie Juno - which was cute. I really liked the movie - but with most things I wish I would have known something about it. I didn't really know whether to cry or clutch my ovaries. Overall, it's really, really cute and has the best message about finding someone that just loves you for you.
After the movie, we braved the bad roads once more (did I mention it sleeted and then snowed pretty much all day yesterday) and went to the Brick to see a really good lot of bands. We saw OK Jones (i might be wrong on that name), It's Over!, and ACB's. A REALLY AWESOME show!!!! All very good music. The bar was having a bad holiday sweater party. So I'm including a pic with me of my very ugly holiday sweater. The sweater itself actually was more like a valentine's sweater, but then Mary got at it and we turned it into a chrismassy sweater - just a little hotglue and some ribbon - wa la!
Enjoy! I certainly did!
Pat was pimping it in his very cool Kangol hat, so I had to play along.
BESTEST in their ugly sweaters!
Posted by bonnie at 1:55 PM 3 comments
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Things I like about Christmas: Lights
I'm really a sucker for Christmas lights. I don't personally put them up - but I really like to go and look at houses. Right now, my favorite lights in KC are this row of houses called The Candy Cane Lane. I took some pics and wanted to share with you. I don't have any of the Plaza lights, which are most famous. I will share those at a later time.
Posted by bonnie at 10:16 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Things I like about Christmas: Family
My brother gets in town tomorrow and for Christmas I bought my family tickets to see Manheim Steamroller. It used to be a family tradition that we would see them in Omaha every year at their Christmas concert on our way up to South Dakota. We have not done that for a long time. And when I heard they were coming here to KC, I thought it would be a great present. I think my family will enjoy it. Both of my parents were very surprised that Eric was going to be up for it (or that I got him to go), so that's an even more special treat.
My family tradition has always been to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. So these days we usually go to Denny's or somewhere that is quick and open, then come home and open presents, hang out etc. I used to go to 11:00pm services at a church, but I haven't done that for a few years. It'll definitely be something I want my kids to enjoy when they are growing up. I loved holding the candle and then when I got older I loved lighting stuff on fire with it.
While it is now a somewhat uneventful season for my family, I do enjoy the time we get to spend together. And since I didn't force anyone to play games because I took a nap, at Thanksgiving, I plan on forcing everyone to play games at Christmas.
Posted by bonnie at 5:08 PM 2 comments
Monday, December 17, 2007
Things I like about Christmas: My house
I decided in my last blog to start blogging ideas/pics/whatever that promoted a merry Christmas. So here's my start of all the things I like about Christmas. I decided to start with my house. I don't have a lot of decorations, but I really like the ones I have. Everything has meaning - and so that is what I am sharing with you today.
This first wreath is my attempt to be Martha Stewart. When I was younger I received these silver bells every year. I have like 13 of them and never a clue what to do with - so I decided I would put them on a wreath. I am going to add some simple garland after Christmas when everything is on sale.
This was a very special gift. My friend, Mary, made it for me. The specialness of it is in the garland - it's all wine corks. She's been doing this for a few years. I started my own collection of wine corks a few years ago and I hope to add to the wreath by making my own!
This is a combined pic - my stocking and Maggie's stocking (Maizey doesn't have one yet) and then my table with the new cover that I bought last night at K-mart.
My advent tree! I don't actually put candies in it, but it is fun to move the santa around and watch the time fly.
And finally, I love my hodge-podge tree. All the ornaments, except for the balls, mean something. I've got stories about students or about Girl Scouts. My tree looks a little charlie brown this year, I think a 7.5 footer would be better.
Posted by bonnie at 4:01 PM 3 comments
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Santa
Christmas is coming and I'm trying to increase the cheer so that it is truly a Merry Christmas. Here's a photo I wanted to share.
Posted by bonnie at 5:23 PM 3 comments
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
RIP
With life comes death. A 15 year old died this weekend, shot in a driveway. No other details, just that he was dead and there wouldn't be a public funeral. He watched his dad die the same way when he was 8. He said many times that he was going to be just like his dad. There were days where he worked hard not to be, then days where he would spiral down to an existence of nothing. He would often go on these power trips where he was invincible - most middle schoolers do - on one of these days he threatened me in a serial killer kind of way. 'So you don't value your life, Ms. Steen' Just an excerpt of our conversation. I thought about that conversation for 24 hours before talking to anyone or reporting it. I reported it, not to save my life, but his. Little did I know - we failed him. He ran away, came back, went to a crappy school for kids with no where to go, ran away, came back, was awaiting someone to teach him homebound. Then he went to a party Saturday night, and was shot, in the head and found on the driveway.
In KC, especially where he was found, with death comes retribution. It will be had in all the wrong ways. I imagine another 15 year old will be shot.
We need to choose another retribution and start actually helping these kids before death happens. We're not doing enough pro-active actions if they are walking into malls and schools and shooting people for no other reason but to make a name for themselves in the end. To draw attention to the nothingness that they have become.
The world is in serious trouble. People need to wake up.
Posted by bonnie at 11:59 AM 3 comments
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Tis' the Season
I just sat down to read the two blogs that I read on here - and I've missed so much! I won't let it lapse again!
Thanksgiving came and went. I always have high hopes for a holiday filled with family and fun and while I have that, it's never as big of an experience as I want it to be. I'm sure it's that way for everyone in my family though - not just me feeling that. I'm sure it will be different once Eric (my bro) gets out of school. I was very thankful to have the time off! I really needed it.
I'm pretty excited about winter break as well! It's just nice to not have to get up and go to work. It's not my favorite year. It's not really much fun so.....
I am somewhat excited about Christmas. It's kinda depressing at the same time, but I've got such great people around me, it's hard to be depressed all the time. I always have lots to look forward to. Currently I'm looking forward to the following things: Friday - taking the day off or having a snow day, Saturday - strong ale festival, NWMSU bearcats play on ESPN2, New Years in New Orleans, Spring Break in Mexico!
I'm sure there are other things, but those are the events I am most looking forward to right this moment.
Posted by bonnie at 6:21 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
Hope everyone has a fun, safe and family filled Thanksgiving!
Posted by bonnie at 2:19 PM 2 comments
Monday, November 19, 2007
Short vent
I have one short vent that I need to get out there. I am really tired of selfish people. I understand we're all like that at some times - and that I've had my fair share of moments. But right now, I feel like in my everyday life, I am surrounded by selfish people. A friendship goes both ways - time for you and time for me. A really good rule of thumb is that for every time someone listens to you, listen to them. And if you have a really bad moment and spill out all over someone, make sure you're there for them when their moment arrives.
That is all. I'm really psyched about Thanksgiving vacation!! A break! I can't wait! I'm actually in a fantastic mood and being very productive. I just had to get some stuff out. Therapeutic, this blog is.
Posted by bonnie at 4:57 PM 2 comments
Thursday, November 15, 2007
the best of
The best part of today is realizing that tomorrow is Friday, finally. I think that Friday at 2:30pm is the happiest minute of my week, I'm so looking forward to it this week. :D
(see I can do it without complaining!!)
Posted by bonnie at 3:02 PM 2 comments
Monday, November 12, 2007
such a complainer
I am such a complainer - I don't mean to be. I think that things are just not going my way right now. I got sick over the weekend with the flu. I haven't had the flu in YEARS! But I think what happened is that my immune system isn't very strong and when I got my shot on Thursday it couldn't create the antibodies that it needed to fight away the virus. And so I got sick. But of course today when I woke up (late), I felt okay enough to go to work, plus it was too late to call in. I'm really tired of always having some kind of physical illness or problem. I'm ready to feel 100% again.
I'm also really tired of my complaining so this will be it. Maybe my luck will change once I stop complaining about all that is going wrong....it's a theory anyhow.
Posted by bonnie at 4:29 PM 1 comments
Friday, November 09, 2007
arg
So said letter that I wrote yesterday about getting a student a personal para didn't flip like I wanted it to. I cannot believe the inconsistent answers and attacks on work ethic that I am getting. The big boss came over to someone else's classroom today. She stopped by mine, and I was thinking that she just came over to observe my student. Well, I heard later that she came over because my room was noisy. Are you f'n kidding me?
Like Rodney Dangerfield is famous for - "I get no respect, no respect."
Posted by bonnie at 3:13 PM 0 comments
Thursday, November 08, 2007
screwed, I think not
There is some sick and twisted pleasure I get from not allowing my job to screw me. They are really playing games with me. I want a personal para for one of my kids and they are just jacking me around and making me do all this work. So today, I put together a fine document that had data and statistics and all the key special ed words. It was F-I-N-E fine. And I sent it to all that mattered. And from my administrators I got cheers of hooray and good job and support. I think I floored my director. There is no question of what this child needs anymore. It just makes me feel good that I am on top of it and know what is going on and can relay that in words. I am really good at what I do, and they can't really afford to lose me, so they better not screw with me. And that is where I'm at with that.
Posted by bonnie at 7:25 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
awwww.....it gets better
So we already know that I'm hurt, bitter, and angry at the world right now. To further that, they are being stingy at work and not allowing me the personal para for one of my students. There reply is always, there's not enough money. There totally is enough money. I've saved them at least $600+ a month by eradicating a behavior intervention. (positive behavioral milestones, if you know that group) And they took away one Process Coordinator, so now our entire district only has 2. We see ours once a week if we're lucky. I know there's money. Now, I'd just like to know where they are rat hole-ing it. I can guarantee you it's not in my pocket. So, now I feel that the school is screwing me. I'm ready to try another one - although, I have a feeling that maybe they are all the same.
AND Sprint is screwing me again, for the 5th month in a row. This is ridiculous. In about a week I will be calling and trying to get out of my plan and moving on to another company. There's no good reason for calling every month since June because my plan is screwed up - all because I washed my phone. I really shouldn't have this many problems because I overlooked where my phone was when I put a blanket in the washer. Stupid.
So now, officially, I can say screw it all. Of course I would probably use worse language than that....but this is online and in writing, so in a nice way, screw them all, screw it all, screw everything.
It'll all get better, I know. And probably sooner than later. But I just had to get on here and rant.
A good lesson in this is that when you see the worst in things, the worse comes out in everything. Learn up, people.
Posted by bonnie at 5:46 PM 3 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
distant and obscure ravings
There's a good scene in Bridgett Jones' Diary where she sings the 'All by myself' song, drunk on vodka, plays air drums, cries for her singletoness. Not all of us had times like these, I had them during my gin & tonic days. But not so much since. I have, however, slipped into an abyss of loneliness, and not just being single loneliness, but all around loneliness. Last week, I was just wanting the friends to come to me, to help me, to be there for me...this week I'm screaming out 'hey, let's have a conversation, let's hang out.' and I've gotten the same reaction - no answered phone calls, no answered emails, total ignorance. From my friends. People whose calls I answer, who show up at my door, who send emails needing to talk, text messages. I don't understand it. I was there for them, I thought it worked both ways. How many times will I learn this lesson in life? Probably a million more. I'm stopping here and going on though, a person shouldn't have to spell it out for their friends. I learned a while ago that you are the most important person in your life.
A good thing is that I am luckier than most, I learn from everything and regret nothing.
Disclaimer: this blog is not intended to entertain the masses, it is like a diary and for all intents and purposes used to record my thoughts during that time period and moment. Don't be worried or upset or pissed off, it was your decision to venture through my personal thoughts and feelings at this moment. Who knows, the feelings and thoughts could change in the next moment and be totally different...
Posted by bonnie at 10:26 PM 2 comments
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Daylight savings time
Did anyone else feel like today was the longest day ever? I did. I don't know whether it was the hour back, or just my day - but it was the longest day. I'd watch tv for 30 minutes, and it felt like an hour.
Tomorrow starts another work week - I hope it goes fast for everyone and that you find happiness in it.
Posted by bonnie at 8:33 PM 2 comments
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Alone
If you know me well, you know that being single doesn't really bother me very often. I have great friends and lots to do, all the time. Well, the scary-old-lady-alone-with-80-cats syndrome has reared it's ugly head. I haven't gone off and adopted 79 more cats, nor am I going to...but the fact remains, I am single. And no matter how you say it, with vivacious umph, or a whiny, give-me-pity voice, you're still single. And at the end of the night when everyone goes home with their husbands, you are still going home to your house where there is only a feline, canine, and gerbil to greet you. No man in your bed waiting. No one wanting to have a conversation. No one to pour you a glass of cold water and get you a vitamin.
Here's what I want the world to know today, before I put my black boots on and walk - is that all I really want is someone to have a real conversation with, where we talk about real feelings, and where I listen as much as the other person does. It's that simple. But where does a girl find that..
Posted by bonnie at 12:40 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
10-29-07
This is my grandmother (my dad's mom). She died on Monday (10/29). I'm not really even sure how old she is. This pic is of her this summer. It was our last visit, and one of the best ones. For the most part she hasn't spoken much over the years - but this summer she did. I couldn't understand most of what she said, but she was still verbalizing. I know that she is in a better place and will be much better taken care of than she was at the nursing home. She hasn't known who I am for some time. It's been a while since she didn't really know who dad was. She had Alzheimer's. It's a very sad disease to see a family member go through. When my grandmother was young she was a teacher, like many women in that day and age. She also lived on a farm and raised 5 kids. She was always kind and her house always had a certain smell. We always slept on the 'davenport', also known as a hide-a-bed, or an explode-a-couch. She would make a lot of food, it wasn't always very good, but we ate it anyway. She made excellent lefse, a highlight of going to South Dakota for Christmas every year.
I'm not going to be able to go to the funeral. It was a very hard decision to make, but in end, I think it is the safest one. I am a bit torn up about not going, but I'm sure with time it'll be okay. She was the last of my living grandparents.
Posted by bonnie at 4:18 PM 1 comments
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Boo!
Halloween
Adult trick or treating! Not really, but last night a few good friends and I got dressed up and went out. We went to a variety show put on by Spiceoflife productions (owned by friends of Mary's). The variety show is called a Donkey Show. They usually have all kinds of different acts and several live bands. It's cheap entertainment and always a really good time. And they do 'theme nights' in which you can dress up!
There's always an interesting act. Last night's interesting act was Human Art, titled 'Night Life Jones'. This art was a guy who was naked, except for a jock strap and had barbed wire coiled all around his body. It was real barbed wire. He wanted women to beat him with bats covered in sand paper. Sober, I can comprehend the psyche and it's need for pain and know that some take it to a very extreme level. But the beer must have got to me, because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't not watch it either. The more I thought about the disorders that go with this kind of behavior and the possible reasoning behind it, the more outraged I was. And then, I started thinking about what kind of people would actually take the bat and hit him?! Who is sicker? It really tripped me out and knocked my buzz off. I was not right for the rest of the night.
Here's some more fun pics - captions underneath!
I put on fake eyelashes for the first time.
My good friend, Pat, showing off his costume.
My bestest, Mary, the beer goddess!
Mary's husband, Cris, was a satan worshiping priest.
I like this one.
funny pic of Mary and Cris. They were in the costume competition. A killer bee won.
There's more where those came from! Hope everyone has a safe, but fun Halloween!
Posted by bonnie at 7:00 PM 2 comments
Friday, October 19, 2007
3 day weekend, sorta
Well, I got the day off today. Very nice. I slept in. The only reason I got the day off was because we had parent/teacher conferences this week. On Wednesday I had to teach a full day then stay at my school until 8pm doing conferences. On Thursday we had to be there from 8-8. Such long friggin' days. I did, however, get a lot accomplished. I was very productive. I am proud (but not) to say that this Quarter was the first quarter that I have ever gotten my progress reports out on time. They were so 'on time' that I could just hand them to their parent.
So I have today off. I'm doing laundry, cleaning the house and catching up on weekly chores. I do have to work tonight and then tomorrow at the salon. But I'm not going to let it ruin my 3 day weekend. So what if I have to work a full day and a half of hours at my second job over the weekend that I have off from my real job. (smell the sarcasm)
I went back to the dr. on Monday. I had lots of trouble breathing this last weekend. I was outside a lot and the air in my house is somewhat damp from the horrendous amounts of rain we've had. (I'm done with the rain). So I got another steroid pack and an inhaler. The doc also said that the rash on my stomach might be linked to these problems. I guess asthma and eczema go hand in hand. Regardless, the steroids clear everything up and the inhaler will help if I have any more probs breathing at night. Another interesting thing is that he had seen other people with the breathing at night problems recently. So there's something going on in the air. He also said all this will stop once it freezes. Well, freeze already!
I just got a surprise visit from the Jehovah's Witness! Weird. They left me some literature. I could go on a mile long view of advertising and religion right here, but I'm not going to. I have other things to do with my time today. Anyway, they were very nice, but I'm glad that I had to hold back my dog and I had my glasses on with wet hair today. The visit was short and sweet.
Happy weekend to everyone! I don't have much going on this weekend, have to wait for payday next Wednesday to do anything.
Posted by bonnie at 10:54 AM 2 comments
Sunday, October 14, 2007
It's Fall
Although the weather doesn't necessarily feel that way. I got a pumpkin today, so now I feel like it's actually fall and Halloween is coming. I've been so overloaded today. I feel like I need less on my plate or things just need to slow down. What's funny - is life isn't even near as crazy or busy as it was when I was in grad school. Maybe it's just me getting older.
Here's some fun pics of our pumpkin adventure. I went with college friends, Celinda and Brian. We had a great day. We also went to the Renaissance festival as well. It was my second time this year - but still fun. There was a lot of people watching today, because there was a lot of people there (last day of the festival).
Enjoy.
Posted by bonnie at 7:30 PM 4 comments
Sunday, October 07, 2007
update
I felt the need to let those of you who read this know that I will once again be going back to the doctor. The dotty rash on my legs is going away, but I have a rash on my stomach now. It's an itchy one, but looks way different than the one on my legs. I really hope that someday I actually figure out what is wrong with me. It's been almost 2 months that I've been dealing with this now. I'm getting REALLY tired of it. My rational grounding is slipping and there are moments of emotional weakness. I'm not a crier, so this is hard for me.
I'll let you know once I go back to the dermatologist (so not happy to spend another $30, plus whatever it will be in prescriptions again).
sigh....
Posted by bonnie at 10:17 PM 4 comments
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Not Scabies, hooray?!?!!
My trip to the dermatologist went okay. It was emotional. I had to wear a papergown, that was the emotional part.....and yes, I cried about it. The freaking gown didn't fit. And it was just an emotional day. But the big news is that I don't have scabies. I have some allergy. This is such a crazy ride! I have put so much medication on and in my body that I missed the monthly. But hooray - scabies free.
Posted by bonnie at 6:08 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tard Blog #2
I have written one before, but didn't title it "Tard Blog" I think I will from now on, if I have a good school story. As before, I don't mean to offend anyone - it's all for the shock value of it, plus it makes it a funnier story.
So recently, I got rid of two kids in my room. That puts me down to 5. One is suspended, so this week I have 4. It's been fantastic!
Sometimes as a teacher there are really funny things that happen that you want to laugh about, but can't. And then other times, there are things that happen that you want to laugh at, and can't control yourself so you laugh anyway. Today was one of the latter days.
My only female 6th grade student was blowing her nose today. Every time she blew it, D (another 6th grade, male) would make a face and a noise. The noise was similar to honk, I guess. But his faces got worse and worse, like more surprised/grossed out. I kept telling him to stop, but of course he kept doing it. I raised my voice, explained that it wasn't polite. Pretended to get mad - the whole bit. And then another kiddo, J (male, 6th grade) said, "Do you know what the most musical part of your body is?" That's when D pulls back in his chair like he is inhaling to 'blow a house down'. He makes this crazy face, thrusts his upper body forward and farts. There's nothing better than a fart on cue. I shouldn't have laughed, but I had to put my head down because I was laughing so hard I was crying. I think it was more his theatrical way of doing it, than the fart itself (although, I've been known to laugh at those). I thought it was funny enough to share.
Posted by bonnie at 5:07 PM 3 comments
Monday, September 24, 2007
the sixth glass
Thought this was really interesting - and a good read.
Do you know what dwells in the glass?” asked Ole. “I will tell you. There dwell in the glass, first, health, and then pleasure, then the most complete sensual delight; and misfortune and the bitterest woe dwell in the glass also. Now, suppose we count the glasses—of course I count the different degrees in the glasses for different people.
“You see, the first glass, that’s the glass of health, and in that the herb of health is found growing. Put it up on the beam in the ceiling, and at the end of the year you may be sitting in the arbor of health.
“If you take the second glass—from this a little bird soars upward, twittering in guileless cheerfulness, so that a man may listen to his song, and perhaps join in ‘Fair is life! no downcast looks! Take courage, and march onward!’
“Out of the third glass rises a little winged urchin, who cannot certainly be called an angel child, for there is goblin blood in his veins, and he has the spirit of a goblin—not wishing to hurt or harm you, indeed, but very ready to play off tricks upon you. He’ll sit at your ear and whisper merry thoughts to you; he’ll creep into your heart and warm you, so that you grow very merry, and become a wit, so far as the wits of the others can judge.
“In the fourth glass is neither herb, bird, nor urchin. In that glass is the pause drawn by reason, and one may never go beyond that sign.
“Take the fifth glass, and you will weep at yourself, you will feel such a deep emotion; or it will affect you in a different way. Out of the glass there will spring with a bang Prince Carnival, nine times and extravagantly merry. He’ll draw you away with him; you’ll forget your dignity, if you have any, and you’ll forget more than you should or ought to forget. All is dance, song and sound: the masks will carry you away with them, and the daughters of vanity, clad in silk and satin, will come with loose hair and alluring charms; but tear yourself away if you can!
“The sixth glass! Yes, in that glass sits a demon, in the form of a little, well dressed, attractive and very fascinating man, who thoroughly understands you, agrees with you in everything, and becomes quite a second self to you. He has a lantern with him, to give you light as he accompanies you home. There is an old legend about a saint who was allowed to choose one of the seven deadly sins, and who accordingly chose drunkenness, which appeared to him the least, but which led him to commit all the other six. The man’s blood is mingled with that of the demon. It is the sixth glass, and with that the germ of all evil shoots up within us; and each one grows up with a strength like that of the grains of mustard-seed, and shoots up into a tree, and spreads over the whole world: and most people have no choice but to go into the oven, to be re-cast in a new form.
“That’s the history of the glasses,” said the tower-keeper Ole, “and it can be told with lacquer or only with grease; but I give it you with both!”
The Watchman of the Tower
Hans Christian Andersen
Posted by bonnie at 7:49 PM 0 comments
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The prognosis, Dr.?
You have to double click on the pic to really see the beauty...
This is what my body looks like as of 9/20. You're looking at a picture of my right leg (not so pretty, huh..). So far what I know is that on Friday - the Doc said that for sure scabies on my legs, but he's still not sure about the rashes on my arm/wrists that I've had and been talking about since August. He took blood to rule out anything serious, and I'll be visiting a dermatologist on Thursday. He gave me a cream that I am putting on at night - it's the equivalent to pesticide. I guess the little mites will die, but I will itch and have these bumps for weeks
I'm feeling very angry and upset. Seems very unfair that I slave my day away working for these kids, usually staying after work and coming in early. Only to get scabies from one of them. Remember I just found out yesterday afternoon - I'm a slow reactor - it's okay for me to be angry and blame them today. I'm still pretty sensitive - so don't joke, especially don't let me know how gross you think I am. Right now, I'm still allowed to say that I'm a dirty or gross girl.
I guess I'll know more. It's awful. The worst, worst feeling in the world. Sometimes I itch so bad I want to vomit. I'd much rather have a cold or pneumonia than this.
Posted by bonnie at 6:41 PM 3 comments
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Reptile
I believe I'm turning into a reptile. Whatever it is that I have on my arm is not going away with the steroids and cream. In fact, I think it's creeping up my arm, even though that might be my imagination. So, if in fact, I turn into a reptile, I'm hoping that I'm some kind of dragon. Maybe I could blow fire - that would be fun. So I pose the question - if you could be a reptile, what reptile would you be?
Posted by bonnie at 9:14 PM 4 comments
From this weekened
Like everyone, I am not perfect. Not even on the good days am I close to perfect. Lately I've been thinking about the reactions to my actions. I live with the knowledge that I have no regrets. Every action has a consequence, be it good or bad. Every decision I make is mine, and mine alone. I am to blame for all the goes wrong and all that goes right. I am steadfast in this belief. One of few convictions that I will forever stick by.
My actions. Recently, I have got my power back. I've started to really find something wonderful and likable in everyone. I've started to play with ideas of dating, and being in a relationship. For the last year I haven't done this, nor have I wanted to. I temporarily lost my power - you could say I was grounded for a year from a prior action. But I'm off grounding - and everything, EVERYTHING is looking good. For example, Saturday night was the WFC..I talked to every man that looked at me. That was a lot of talking, and a lot of ignoring. But every man got some kind of attention. It was great to spend my time talking, having great conversation and the occasional drunk guy that just wanted to fan up my skirt with disgustingly poetic innuendos. I was severely fine with my actions until I started getting reactions.
Action/Reaction: While I was listening to some drunk-guy drivel - a new guy friend of mine left without saying bye. This bothered me terribly. Why would you leave without saying by to the people you came with? Because while he was hanging out, I was busy listening to drunk drivel. He's a nice one too. We had great conversations.
Action/Reaction: I totally let go of all this tension I had for another friend of mine and told him how much I liked him. Not a big secret, not a big deal. And at this point of the night, I really did like everyone. It's something that I told myself I would tell him next time we were together just to get it out there - and I did. He reacted appropriately in the moment. All was good. I did however turn to my left and start chatting it up with his friend and in a little while, they left. Had a great conversation with the friend - a drunk one, but fun conversation...and I can remember thinking, 'this guy is great too, i might crush on him for a minute'.
So none of this is out of the norms for any kind of drinking event. When women get drunk with power they use it unwisely. I don't want to be that girl this time. I want to be the girl who uses it wisely and snags a good man this time. But that means focus and time. Focusing takes skill - mine is VERY underdeveloped. Time - it's just something none of us have, I have cultivated the skill to make it though. This brings me back to the reactions to my actions. I think the only way to get the reaction that I want is to manipulate the action. It's all about shaping my skills. I really want to make some sort of reference to being an athlete right now.
Posted by bonnie at 9:13 PM 1 comments
Thursday, September 13, 2007
It's back
So the rash turned into impetigo on my left arm went away, left a scare and is now on my right arm. But I caught it really early and went to a real doctor, instead of the minute clinic at cvs. He says it is an allergic reaction that last time probably turned into impetigo (since I let it go so long and fiddled with it). So he's putting me on a steroid pack and hydrocortizone cream. I was just starting to feel normal and not so 'dirty' and here I am back to being the 'dirty girl'. It's just so gross.
Happy Friday, tomorrow! I can't wait!!!!!
Posted by bonnie at 4:03 PM 3 comments
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Cross Roads Music Fest

This is the best unknown festival Kansas City has to offer. It's a once a year commitment you should make! It was the best time, the best music, and the best people. Everyone should make a valiant effort to go next year. It'll be totally worth your time. And I'll be there! I won't miss another, now that I know what I am missing.
Check out the Spice of Life Productions to get a better picture of what I'm talking about. They also put on The donkey show, which is an awesome themed variety show. Love, Love, Love it!
Posted by bonnie at 9:50 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Funky Fall
Fall is coming. This means many things to me. There's always lots to do and fun things that go on. A lot of group events, like festivals and such. Pumpkins and Halloween! Then it all just rolls into the holiday season and before we know it my birthday - I mean spring is here.
But the fall also means that inevitably my depression comes back. I've noticed since about 1997, that every fall I get depressed. Into a funk, if you will. It's not as bad as it used to be, and definitely not as bad as when I was going to grad school and working full time. But there's still a funk. I don't know that I will ever get rid of it. I'm sure a professional (and please, I've been to many) would say something about Seasonal Affective Disorder - or just that my clinical depression is triggered by something in the fall. In fact, they have said this. Most offer some sort of mood inhibiting drug or the famous advice of working out, doing things that make me happy. But we're going on 10 years, people. I've done it all. And yet, I find myself sitting directly in funk (not my kids funk, that is a different kind, and boy did i smell that today).
While it's easier to pull myself out, because really I'm only ankle deep in funk right now, I still hate that I am going through this. For no reason. My life is good. I'm happy. My job is challenging. I have the best friends in the world. There is nothing to complain about, nothing. So why is it that I am still sitting here with my feet in the funk.
I'm not really asking for advice or suggestions, rather just getting my thoughts out there. Writing them down. Being able to look back in 10 more years and say...hmm...still funky or thank God there isn't any more funk in the fall.
Maybe I should celebrate it and have a funky fall party. Maybe I should just keep about my business and not let myself get swallowed up in this funk. Maybe I should just reach out and let people know - it's the funky season - moods are a changin'.
I just find it odd. And wanted to write it down. That is all.
Posted by bonnie at 4:49 PM 2 comments
Monday, September 03, 2007
every day gets a little better
Just wanted to give you an update of how things are going in my house. I have to tell you, it is very hard to type with a little kitty getting all up in my business.
I decided to name the kitty, Maizey. It was in my secret list of names for kids. I think it fits her. It's unique enough to fit her crazy personality. She's such a playful thing.
Here's a picture I captured today while Maggie and Maizey were sleeping together on the couch. I think Maggie was sleeping and then Maizey kinda curled up there. Maggie is really being patient and seems to have accepted the kitty. Here's another picture that shows her patience and motherly nature.
It was so cute to watch Maggie wag her tail and Maizey try and catch it. Never once did Maggie get mad or try and nip at her like she had been doing.
I'm much happier now that all living animals in the house are getting along.
Posted by bonnie at 8:26 PM 1 comments
I did it.

Kansas City has this jewel of a diner - Town Topic. Many people don't go there. I'm not sure as to whether it's the lack of space to eat, the dirtiness of the trailer, the cracked-out waitresses, or maybe they don't like diner food. I was virgin to this place until I met Natalie. Then one night after having some drinks, she thought we needed a Truck Stop from Town Topic. I remember thinking, 'I need to call my dad and tell him I'm here. I'm sitting here eating at Town Topic.' I am sure I thought that because it's a landmark - and I've heard dad talk about it.
Anyway. That was the first experience. And yes, it was beautiful. My Truck Stop is a plate full of hash browns, eggs, meat of your choice (I usually choose none, but like the bacon), cheese, and onions. They cook it on the big grill and pile it together, cut it up and pile it on your plate. So it's all together. You also get 2 pieces of toast coated in that yummy lard/butter stuff they use in diners.
The sexy thing about Town Topic is that it could be like the first time every time. I love that.
After me an Natalie hit up town topic, I kept telling people about it. I of course couldn't remember the name of what we ate (Truck Stop) and lovingly called it a Hay Stack.
So - last night went in and ordered the regular, One Truck Stop with onions and sausage (natalie), One Hay Stack with onions and bacon (me), and then two coffees and two waters.
Our mouth waters while we wait for our delicacies. I drink up the coffee because it tastes like the best coffee I've ever had. [let me note, this is probably our most sober visit!] We get our plates and go to work like it's our full time job. I have never finished a full plate. Never. Natalie has done it once, I was so amazed. So we made it our business to actually finish both our plates. And we did! I didn't think I could do it - but I really powered through. I finished it and all the toast. It was fing phenomenal! I know I shouldn't be proud, but I am. I also don't think I'll have to eat for a week.
Salute to Town Topic and the best late night food I've ever experienced!
Posted by bonnie at 10:57 AM 3 comments