From this weekened

Like everyone, I am not perfect. Not even on the good days am I close to perfect. Lately I've been thinking about the reactions to my actions. I live with the knowledge that I have no regrets. Every action has a consequence, be it good or bad. Every decision I make is mine, and mine alone. I am to blame for all the goes wrong and all that goes right. I am steadfast in this belief. One of few convictions that I will forever stick by.

My actions. Recently, I have got my power back. I've started to really find something wonderful and likable in everyone. I've started to play with ideas of dating, and being in a relationship. For the last year I haven't done this, nor have I wanted to. I temporarily lost my power - you could say I was grounded for a year from a prior action. But I'm off grounding - and everything, EVERYTHING is looking good. For example, Saturday night was the WFC..I talked to every man that looked at me. That was a lot of talking, and a lot of ignoring. But every man got some kind of attention. It was great to spend my time talking, having great conversation and the occasional drunk guy that just wanted to fan up my skirt with disgustingly poetic innuendos. I was severely fine with my actions until I started getting reactions.

Action/Reaction: While I was listening to some drunk-guy drivel - a new guy friend of mine left without saying bye. This bothered me terribly. Why would you leave without saying by to the people you came with? Because while he was hanging out, I was busy listening to drunk drivel. He's a nice one too. We had great conversations.

Action/Reaction: I totally let go of all this tension I had for another friend of mine and told him how much I liked him. Not a big secret, not a big deal. And at this point of the night, I really did like everyone. It's something that I told myself I would tell him next time we were together just to get it out there - and I did. He reacted appropriately in the moment. All was good. I did however turn to my left and start chatting it up with his friend and in a little while, they left. Had a great conversation with the friend - a drunk one, but fun conversation...and I can remember thinking, 'this guy is great too, i might crush on him for a minute'.

So none of this is out of the norms for any kind of drinking event. When women get drunk with power they use it unwisely. I don't want to be that girl this time. I want to be the girl who uses it wisely and snags a good man this time. But that means focus and time. Focusing takes skill - mine is VERY underdeveloped. Time - it's just something none of us have, I have cultivated the skill to make it though. This brings me back to the reactions to my actions. I think the only way to get the reaction that I want is to manipulate the action. It's all about shaping my skills. I really want to make some sort of reference to being an athlete right now.