All the single ladies

Ahhh...bachelorette parties. Naughty gifts, penis straws, strippers, and gaggles of screaming girls are all thoughts that come to mind when I think about this kind of event. That was nothing like the event I planned on Saturday. It was to be a nice intimate, but educational event. I was very happy with the decorations. I had chosen lots of color with crazy daises (thank you Mary), boas, and sunglasses. This was easy and fun looking. Everything went as planned. I was really only disappointed in how loud the room was - but I'm the one that picked it, I just did not remember it ever being that loud. One person couldn't talk loud enough for everyone to be heard. I had planned a beer tasting, since I had it at a brewery. It was entirely too loud for that, plus people filtered in at their own times - some people were an hour later than the event time (to each their own). So, I personally don't think the beer tasting was a success. Although, I still like the idea. A wine tasting would also be fun for a shower or bachelorette party.
Everything else was wonderful and sweet (like the bride). My friend, Natalie, made these sugar cookies that are to die for. Bethany's sister, Dawn, brought a really fun game to play. I got fantastic discounts for me when I paid the bill thanks to great friends at KCHops.

Mary and I were going to go around Waldo for an afterparty, but we didn't get to do much of that.
We ended up over at a friends house, celebrating a birthday. It was a great time, so much so, that I didn't leave til 5 am. Ridiculous. I came home and crashed (in my mind I was 10 years younger, partying like it was 1999). I was going to be getting up in a few hours and heading to CoMo to spend some much needed time with Alicia (and fam). Because I am actually 10 years older than I thought I was, I slept through 3 alarms and multiple phone calls and texts and didn't wake up until 10:15am, 15 minutes after I was supposed to be there. What a jerk I am. If only I'd partied like I was 32, not 22. Alicia is very forgiving - but I let myself down, I was very upset about this and still am. Another blog to come about how to deal with personal disappointment soon.

Those feelings aside, I think Saturday was successful. I'm mostly happy with the party I threw and still impressed by the amount of beer I can drink (sarcasm anyone?!) I learned, again, that nothing good happens after 1:00am and it's okay to excuse yourself from the party and go home and that regardless of the fun your having, if you're over 30, you probably should just do that.

My new Bike!!!

I went out and bought my dream bike today. I spent a pretty penny on it, but it will be totally worth it.




I bought it from Epic Bike and Sports
They were wonderful! I can't say enough nice stuff about this store. I want everyone to take their bike business to them. I've been to about 4-5 other places here in KC - prominent bike stores - and they blew all those places out of the water with their niceness and professional, yet fun, attitudes.

Anyway - They order the bike tomorrow and hopefully I'll have it end of next week or the week after. I really can't wait. This is almost as exciting as buying my house. I just knew it was right and the right thing to do at that moment.

Go to this!

This is an excellent musical fest put on by friends of mine at Spice of Life Productions

I will be there. Guaranteed a good time and the best bands in KC!

I heart Jillian Michaels!

I give this workout video two thumbs up! It's short and to the point. I'm panting and sweating the whole time which is only like 25-30 minutes. Plus, I really like Jillian's way of doing things - blunt and motivating. She kinda pisses me off, which makes me work harder. No pain = no gain, and this will definitely let you know you are doing something!

Goals

I mentioned in my last post about goals I have currently and decided to challenge myself to put them in writing. Just so you know, currently means - right now, today and tomorrow my goals might be all different or just the same. I'm a very moment oriented person.

Life Goals:
1. travel: everywhere, anywhere. I want to go outside of the US every summer and inside the US every spring break.
2. enjoy life: I have a hard time sometimes doing this because I'm constantly analyzing mine, I find so many things wrong or criticize myself so much that I miss out on the good time or am too depressed to go out and get the good time.
3. marriage and family: I go back and forth on this. I'm patient, yet not. I very much want a child, it would be nice to have a husband before the child. However, I am getting older and so what happens will happen.
4. be active: I want to live a very active life. I have started this, and hope to continue it and graduate to higher levels of it as the year goes on. It seems to help out on #2 and will also help me be a healthier individual.
5. no debt: I've been working on this for almost a full year. I am closer, but no medal yet. This is important to fund goal #1.


I'm stopping with 5 because they will start overlapping and repeating. These are the base of my goals. If I achieve these I will achieve all others that I want to do. This isn't my bucket list. This is just a list of stuff I'm working on currently. Number two seems to be the most challenging right now, I believe because of the great amount of time I've been spending by myself.

Speaking of Adventures

I've thought a lot lately about my future and what I'd like to do with it, I've blogged about it before. I think the realization that I've come to is that being a teacher, staying a teacher is probably my best decision. Out of natural progression, I want to move up or on and be a principal or teach at a college level, but those jobs do not give me summers off and easy schedules or coaching opportunities. So, looking at my big life goals, I've decided a teacher is good enough. I will be taking some praxis's to get other certificates so that I can move from sped to reg ed or elementary ed. But for now, I think I've decided that this is the best way to go to achieve the goals I have currently.

Adventures lie ahead.

I did not find the dang spider. I finally went to bed, I saw the morning news come one before my eyes shut. I'll have to some searching today. Now that it is light and I'm not so deliriously tired, I think that I'll have a better chance at it.
I do feel kind of stupid for my reactions, but I hate spiders and it was late.

Everyday is a surprise. I'm going over to Natalie's for coffee and then who knows. Adventures lie ahead.

sleeping, it's overrated.

So. I cannot sleep. I was going to drift off into peaceful slumber by now, however while I was sitting on the couch getting ready to turn off the TV and go to bed I saw the biggest spider come out of my room and then jaunt back in. Therefore, I cannot sleep. I'm such a freak about this stuff. If I could just find it, I would kill it and feel fine. But I cannot reasonably go in there and sleep knowing that a huge ass spider is in there too. It's bad enough that I have my trusty bug killer (the swiffer) within reach at all times. I will probably have to sleep on the couch tonight - if I indeed sleep. What a horrible phobia. It was just so big though, probably bigger than a half dollar. ugh. If it would just come out of hiding, I would kill it and all would be better.
Good thing it's the summer and I can sleep all day tomorrow after I furiously clean my room and scour every inch looking for the beast. Of course, it has to be daylight when I do that. The beasts are weaker in the daylight, or I'm stronger - either way I sound idiotic. This is when being single or living alone hurts the worst.

it's just like riding a bike

I have such enthusiasm for riding bikes. I want to do it and have been on the search for a bike for some time now. My friend gave me a mountain bike yesterday and I had it fixed up. So last night I decided to go on a bike ride and see how it feels before venturing out for coffee this morning. Well, my area is pretty hilly - but sheesh, I went maybe a quarter of a mile and couldn't do it anymore. I turned around and made it home but had to sit around for a minute and get my breath back together. So I decided the biking to the coffee shop would be a goal rather than a starting place. So I drove there this morning, but while there I rode Natalie's cruiser (she did ride to the coffee shop) and it was so much easier. Of course there weren't huge hills and the bike fits me better. I don't know where in MO I'll find a place that's flat, it won't be my neighborhood. But I'm sure I'll work up to getting to and fro. At this point I couldn't even make it to Corner Cocktail (local bar - about 3 blocks away, up a hill). Small steps. And while I'm making them I'm looking for a bike to purchase. I think this will be a hard find. If I'm going to spend $$$ I want a bike that is perfect for me. I think this process has been frustrating, and will continue to be, but in the end will pay off.

If you ever come visit me, I will be taking you to this little coffee shop in Waldo (that I hope to ride my bike to someday). It's called One More Cup, and I'm in love with their Toddy's (cold brewed coffee). Delish!

hindsight is always 20/20

I had a brush with past on Friday night. Not in the form of a person, or act, but in the form of a beautiful frothy delicious beverage that once I started imbibing, I could not stop. I was taken back to the days of yore (circa year 18-30), drunk and blissfully ignorant. It was just a reminder of why I chose to end that lifestyle and begin a new one (not that I needed a reminder, I love my new one). I'm happy to have left all that drinking and whatnot behind. I don't mind having some drinks, being buzzed but coherent. I do not miss the nights of binging and racing to the end of the glass just to order another. I don't miss smokey bars and disrespectful men. I don't even miss the crazy stories. I sit here today and would rather be the boring, hang out at my/a house kinda gal. If you were present during my drinking days you might have never thought this would come out of my mouth or that I would actually grow into becoming the person I am. I'd like to say that I could still drink you under the table, for what that is worth, but I'm going to have to resign to the fact that at one time in my life I could have and would have.
But today, I am a woman that would rather not. I'd rather enjoy my time buzzed and available to have a good conversation.

My mamasita

Happy Birthday to my Mama! We went out to mexican at Manny's for her birthday dinner and then went and played mini-golf. It was a really good night.
This is a picture after we did her Tequila birthday shot, which I personally think should become a tradition.

I was in chess club in middle school.

I woke up this morning thinking about my next move I'm going to make in my career. I'm definitely going to take the Science praxis and get certified in middle school Science. I would love to teach it and there is a possible opening in a year or two that will be available to me if I want it.
But when I woke up, I wasn't thinking about signing up for that test or ordering the study guide, I was thinking about going back to school. For what you ask? To be a Principal. Every bone in my body is against this - the paperwork, the long hours, the POLITICS! But I woke up thinking about it. And oddly enough it has stuck with me through the day. Weird.

On another note, I also watched the movie See Jane Date - it was on the Hallmark channel this morning (Bethany if you are reading this - it's the reason I skipped yoga..). It's a funny movie, good to watch on TV while you're doing something else. But it shared many of my opinions and experiences with friends and strangers on being single. I just found it ironic since I just spouted off the other day. So I found the movie to be funny and fantastic. Plus Jane had some really great friends! But it's just a movie - I would never expect my friends to be so hands on with my love life.

Now to ponder:
I wonder when I will be less sensitive to all the comments? I wonder if I will turn into the married girl that just talks about it all the time in front of her single friend? I wonder when I'll stop analyzing everything?

somedays I just feel like screaming.

I've been riding on the gratitude wagon this summer, but tonight I totally fell off of it. I can't think of anyone that would be real open to listening to me at 10:51pm on a work night - so I'm going to spout it all here. Please know that it isn't a personal attack on anyone who reads my blog. Get ready...

*I am tired and saddened by friends who treat me like I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship. If you are my friend, then you know that I've been in them and that they were passionate and full (painful and educational). And I think that if you could measure passion, I would have loved harder in my small experience than most couples around me. If you are indeed my friend, then you know that I am around people who are in relationships and married everyday (how many weddings have I been in???!!!). While I may not be married, I sure don't listen to married people with a deaf ear - I am a good friend. I listen and learn and KNOW the problems you are having/have/had. It is not necessary to shove my face in it and rub it around.
*Just to be clear - I am not stupid.
*I know that I'm pretty unattached. Rather than treat me like a leper for it, you should celebrate it. You have a friend that is there when you call, when you want to go out, when you want to come over, when you are upset, when you are mad at your husband.....should I go on? Don't expect to have all that in my friendship if you shun me one minute, and then need me the next. I won't be there. It's also not nice to exclaim to everyone that I'm pretty unattached, if you do feel the need, please exclaim it in the right way to single men. Push me up, not down!
*I know that a lot of people want me to find a mate, and it will come - in my time. And if it doesn't, then it doesn't. You want to know how I feel about these things, then ask. I'll gladly talk about it. It's something I think about daily. It's not necessary to take me out and give me a pep talk.
*Just to be clear - I am not a child.
*Yes, I have feelings and sometimes they aren't pretty ones. If I feel the need to discuss them and expose my flaws, count yourself lucky. I don't talk about them with everyone, and if I've chosen you, there's a reason why - treasure it, don't trash it.
*Be grateful. I know there are times in our lives where we are not as grateful as we should be. We take things for granted that sometimes need our attention. Once in a while, it would be nice, to know that our friendship is important and that me always being there means something to you. I will also try to be better about this. It's one of my areas of focus in my life.

sigh.

When it comes down to it, I think there are times where people just make me feel like the odd man out - and I don't like it. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not a freak. I'm not carrying around a lot of baggage. I'm not abnormal.
I know that I bring some of this on myself. I see the whole picture and I know that I am not communicating that here. Recently, I couldn't stand up for myself in person, so I'm doing it on here.

And some of you wondered why I haven't been blogging....

A blog? Why yes, it's a blog.

It's been so long. I made it through the end of the school year and have transitioned into Summer School.

I've done a lot of reflecting lately. This last year was rough. It was beyond challenging emotionally. But I made it, in one piece. I've done a lot of growing up. And out of that, here's my reaffirmation:

I have the ability to become the person I want to be. I have set goals to become, and lived the journey into it, only to realize I want something else. In which, I say to myself, I have the ability to become the person I want to be.

I have been on a new journey for about a year. I can feel myself growing into the person I want to become. It's exciting.

Day Three 1/20/09 - Dawn to about 9:30

About 8:30 AM they let us in. We went through security, which was somewhat of a joke. They just went through my bag and made me unzip my coat and then patted my sides down. Of course, we learned later that it was nothing compared to the security check they had to go through closer at the seating areas. That security check held up loads of people and around 11-12 they started turning people away and sending them out. Some people didn't even get to experience the inauguration even though they'd been in line for 7+ hours. However, that wasn't Brian and I's story. We got right in. We were in a good section. Since we'd been so crowded with people we just hung back toward the back of the section and took up some space so we could move, sit on the ground, jump up and down - anything. Plus, being short, I could see better standing in the back.



Here's the view behind us - crazy how many people were there!!

We had some time hanging out in this section...


before I noticed people moving up - closer. I got Brian and we moved up with them. Someone had knocked down the fence and people were just moving on. We got up to the Capitol reflecting pool - which was a beautiful view. I was satisfied just staying there.



behind the Capitol reflecting pond




This is when we moved up closer, we ended up in front of the Capitol reflecting pool. If you look in the middle of this pic - you can see a gold seal. Right above that was where everyone did their speeches, above that in the red is the youth choir that sang, and below the seal is the band, both of which you can see in this picture.



This is where we ended up without zoom. While we were really close for the standing area, we were still pretty far.

Day Three 1/20/09 - 3:30AM to Dawn

It's Inauguration morning - 3:30AM and we're up putting on lots of clothes getting our things together - double checking that we have our tickets. Brian's phone rings and the cab is here to take us to the metro station. And all of a sudden it's 3:45AM and we're out the door and going. It's surreal. I knew that we would have a wait in front of us and that we would be challenge to keep positive and enjoy the situation. I was ready. I'd been gearing up for these very moments for weeks.



On the train, on our way

We arrive at the station and get on a train. We felt lucky because we got to sit down. There wasn't many people on the train yet. The people that were on were in fantastic spirits. We were all united. Going to the same place, rooting for the same team. There were chants, high fives, laughter and and a buzz of excitement. The further we go on the metro towards D.C. the more people get on. And by the time we get off the train at 4AM this is what we see...

























The droves of people we expected were there. So out we go and walk toward where we believe our destination is. There are so many people and everyone is excited! We got to the Silver Gate (we had silver tickets). There was a line and the guy at the front of it said he'd been there since 11pm the night before and that we needed to go to the end. So we head up there, it was about 3 blocks away. When we got up there, someone said they were opening up a new gate and we all needed to go there. So hoardes of people start running the 3 blocks to this new gate. By this time there were even more people and we were packed in like sardines and walking like penguins. The guy at the 'new gate' said that he had no knowledge of them opening a second gate and that we should go back...WHAT?!? So Brian and I and probably a few thousand close (in proximity) friends headed the few blocks back. Brian and I ended up in a crowd that stopped around the actual entrance that said SILVER GATE and decidedly that is where we stayed. It was a smart move on our part - we'd find out later.





About 4:30 AM at the Capitol




same time, I think 18 degrees. Brian doesn't look cold at all, huh?!




This is about 5:30-6AM, there's a hint of light at the Capitol and Brian and I still have good spirits.



Between 6 and 7 they opened up the gate and allowed us about a block closer to where we would be released to go through security and then into our sections.

Here's the Capitol around 7 when the sun was coming up. It is possibly my favorite picture. I had a lot of emotion watching the sun rise. It was a new day for America, most of the time I could not believe that I was there taking it all in. And nothing had really happened yet.

Day Two 1/18/09

On the 18th which was our second day out east, we got up late, ate a huge breakfast at Brian's cousin Suzi's house, hung out and then went to the Metro station to head to Alexandria, VA and Brian's Aunt Diane's house. I had a ton of thoughts in my head, but mainly thinking about my commitment not to complain. I made this commitment with myself, not Brian (although it was really for his benefit). About halfway to the Metro station I started feeling nauseous. And it didn't go away. I was nauseous all day and evening. There were moments of unsureness - I really thought I was going to just puke! But I didn't, and I didn't complain either. Here's the first ride on the metro.



After Aunt Diane picked us up at Huntington station, we went back to her house which was a really cute apartment! I loved it and could have lived there. We pretty much dropped our bags and went back to Huntington station and on to Washington D.C. We were so excited to get into town.

The first true sign of the Inauguration that we saw was the MSNBC van. It was so exciting!



Then heard some girls doing an Obama cheer. Here they are decked out with tons of Obama pins. I imagine they were selling them also - lots of people were doing that.



We walked down the mall, toward the Washington Monument. It was beautiful at night. It is such a significant landmark in D.C. I hear there are stairs you can climb to the top and see out - I think it would take me two days and probably 25 inhalers.



Our next stop was the WWII memorial. This is something new in D.C. I think it's awesome. I took a picture at the South Dakota one in remembrance of my grandfather. He fought in WWII and was able to come back to his family. He never talked about it, but when my Aunts and Uncles when through their house they found a barrel or two with some memorabilia, some Nazi arm bands, a Luger stuff like that. Sometimes I wish we were able to know our grandparents longer and when we are older so there is more appreciation of the time spent. But that is a whole notha blog.







We walked past the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pond - I don't actually know the real name right now. But it is the rectangular pond. Here's some illegal mischief that Brian brought on.








The Lincoln Memorial was just ahead. They had just finished up with the Pre-Inauguration concert that aired on HBO. People were in line at 8 AM that morning waiting to get it. It was a free concert and lots of amazing talent was there. Stevie Wonder was there. I really wanted to see him, but we were not educated about the show enough to know when it started or when to be there. It's not something we planned on. Even though we couldn't get close, I totally got a view of Lincoln sitting in his eternal chair. What a majestic man! They just don't make em' like that anymore...



After Lincoln, we walked down Pennsylvania where I got a peek at the White House. We met up with some kids Brian new through his mom who volunteered for Obama. They actually became two wonderful new friends, Flip and Christina. Both hail from Iowa. Flip actually was the Obama worker and who also lived and still lives with Brian's mom. Brian's mom takes in workers for campaigns. That is how she volunteers for them. So Flip is like Brian's step brother or adopted brother. Anyhow - we walked back toward the capitol where we were meeting them and walked past the area that we figured was fenced off for our tickets (silver) and about 500,000 porta potties. That night would be the one and only time I used a porta pottie in D.C. I know it's going to be everyone's biggest question...

So up to the capitol we go and meet our new friends Christina and Flip. After the meeting we took the metro down to Old town and walked until they were going to close all the restaurants. We ducked into one called Austin's and had some fine faire - which we were all starving. Then headed back to Aunt Diane's to get a little rest before Inauguration Eve started, which will be my next post. Here's some nighttime photos of the capitol.



And on our way to the metro I snagged a photo of this piece of art. So fluid. I loved it.

Life is too short!

Last weekend my best friend from high school, Alysia's mom died. She battled breast cancer for two years. It matasticized to her liver and she went quick. Many of you that came into my life after high school have met or know of Alysia. She is a very important person in my life. Her family was my family throughout high school. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts this week. Her memorial is on Saturday - so if you remember send out some extra strong thoughts and prayers to them on that day.

Karen A. Searcy
Karen A. Searcy, 51, Kansas City, Mo., passed away January 30, 2009.
Memorial services will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, February 7, 2009, at
Park Lawn Funeral Home, 8251 Hillcrest Road, Kansas City, Mo. Karen was
born January 22, 1958, to Harold and Shirley Atkin in Kansas City, Mo.
She was a homemaker and enjoyed gardening, crafts and volunteering in
the Horticulture Department at the Kansas City Zoo. Karen was preceded
in death by her parents. She leaves to cherish her memory her husband of
31 years, Michael D. Searcy; daughter Alysia Rae; son Michael J. Searcy;
granddaughter Cassidy Jade Bolin; sisters Valerie K. Sherman and Janet
A. Wotipka. Arrangements: Park Lawn Funeral Home, (816) 523-1234.

Day One 1/17/09

Brian's cousin Suzi picked us up from the airport in her mini-van with "Maryland Republicans welcome Bonnie and Brian" it was priceless. I laughed so hard. When we got into the van I was greeted by Brian's cousin and automatically knew she was good people. We spend the evening eating Texas steak, bush beans, and other foods that would make a republican proud. And yes I believe they are republicans, but it was all in good fun! We stayed up til 3am talking and drinking wine - the late nights being normal at their house. What a wonderful time, though. I really enjoyed meeting Suzi and her family. It was even nicer and endearing to see Brian interact with his cousin and her family (they had 4 kids). He really loves his family, it was cool to experience that. Besides the Texas size dinner, Suzi had decorated their house with books and republicanisms. You'll find an example in the picture below. Day one was perfect and tons of fun - a great way to start our Inauguration experience.

There is way too much to sit down and formulate a blog. I've been putting it off because it would just take too much time. I will let you know I had the best time in Washington D.C. I was there for an entire week - we extended our stay. Everything went smoothly - no bumps whatsoever. And it was life changing. Not in the sense of seeing Obama be inaugurated, but more in an inner sense of the journey of my life.

Because I can't wrap my mind around sitting here and describing my story while posting pics (I am really afraid it would take like 12 hours for me to do). I will stop right here and post a pic or two. I have posted about 40-50 pics on Facebook. Myspace takes a little longer and I haven't had time to do it yet. But at some point, I will sit down and picture it out for all you non-facebook types. Maybe one day at a time would be good. Just know, I had the best time!






Obama speaking from podium after his swearing in. This was my view - yes, a closer standing area than most!

Gettin' ready

2 days of work to get through and then I am outta here! I am totally stoked to go. There will be so many people! It is truly going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event! (I'm speaking of the Presidential Inauguration, but everyone that reads this knows).
I might even get to see a friend from college that is just getting back from Iraq. I'm sure I blogged about her this summer/fall. Anyway - that just adds to the excitement.

eeken excited

Alliteration is astounding. I think I will totally teach it tomorrow.

Anyway - I am terribly excited to be going out of town. It's 10:23 on a Sunday night and I'll I can think about is Friday. Friday is when I'm packing up, Saturday is when we are actually going. But it's Friday that I'm thinking about. I cannot wait. I'm in need of an adventure. I have no expectations. I am totally open to anything that will and can happen. (I usually have expectations, we know this) I absolutely cannot wait 5 days. I don't think I'll be able to do anything at work, even though I have so much to do.

I'm not trying to rub it in, well maybe a little, but I just wanted to spread my excitement around a little.

Happy week to everyone. I know I'll be thinking nothing but of my adventure.

The Salon

Many of you know and regular readers have heard/read about my very part time job at the salon. I dislike working on Saturdays, terribly. Really dislike doing it. So why do I continue to work at the salon? Here are the reasons why:
1. I get paid my measly amount every two weeks which works well for me since my real job pays only once a month.
2. It's easy.
3. They are sooo flexible. I can take off whenever I want, add more hours - whatever I need.
4. If I so choose (which I usually don't have money for), there are benefits - like half off services, 30% off product etc.

And those are the only 4 reasons why I work at the salon. I wrote this for my sanity as I stand here until 8pm in heels knowing I have to come back and do this again all day Saturday.

The pointless point.

I worry about work and personal issues. I often stress, usually more about work than personal stuff. I've tried all year to remind myself that work is just a job, makes your money so that you can come home and do the stuff that makes your life worth living. I try to take on the philosophy that I work to live - not live to work. I stayed up most of the night Thursday, worrying about coming back to work and all the paperwork I needed to complete on Friday. Then spent the rest of the weekend trying to make up for that lost sleep. Last night I tossed and turned, yelled at my dog (she was in the middle of the bed and wouldn't move) because I had a big meeting today in which I felt I had to perform (speak eloquently). So, I get to school early, to get prepared and such. There's big drama and then the meeting happens. I had more people on my side this time (last meeting didn't go well....I don't know if anyone has ever been bullied by an educational advocate - it's not fun). The meeting went on for 2 hours - but went well. There were a lot more positive things said this time. And the advocate was nothing but pleasant this go round. It was another reminder of how I need not worry. I was once so good at my job, and I have such doubt about myself this year. All that I believe is my fault from the amount of stress I create about this job I'm doing. I think it's become a habit - like I don't know how to feel anymore without having all the stress.
Resolution #1 - Destress and learn what it feels like to live without stress.
I also have hit a big wall. I'm having a helluva time getting over it. I need to be healthier. I need to change my eating habit and exercise habits. I need someone to help hold me accountable - to push me in the right direction. If anyone wants to volunteer to call or text me everyday and just ask how I'm doing - if I made it to the gym, if I ate well etc...please - I think I'm in need of a pusher or accountability partner. I'm just not handling it on my own at all and if I look back - I never have been able to. I have always been successful when I've had someone to go to the gym with or competition to loose weight.
Resolution #2 - Find a healthy place in my life: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Those things were weighing heavy on me today. I just realized that lately all I've wanted to do and think about is reading and traveling. Both elements of escape in my life. I guess it's probably a wake up call to put aside the books and the travel channel - which is why I wrote the resolutions above.

Shout out

This is for Stacy who chose to read my blog today (I think she started in like November 08) and chose to leave a comment on almost each blog (she left 13 comments!).

I loved the mass of love! I was totally surprised and taken back by all the comments. My favorite was the one about my boss (getting a new job and punching her in the face..) ironic enough, she was a great support during a crappy meeting today.

And even though I don't always leave comments on your blog - I am a big fan and a regular reader :)

Happy New Year!

Precious. That is my Maggie.

I'm struggling with positive things to say - it's no secret, it's been the hardest holiday season in recent years. I probably say that every year, but I say it this year as someone much wiser and more mature than the person I was last year.

So instead I will name 5 things that I am looking forward to in 2009.

1. Going to Washington D.C, and any other travel adventures I choose. I love to travel and am glad that I'm getting a head start for this year in January.

2. Being in the last 2 weddings I will ever be in that are not my own. After these two, the next one will be mine!

3. Being active and embracing the warm weather when it comes. Tuesday I took a 2 mile walk with a friend and our dogs and then went and played tennis with another friend. I am looking forward to more of those opportunities anytime the weather is warm.

4. Finishing this school year and going into my final year in Special Education. No matter what I choose to do after next school year, my abusive relationship with Special Education will be finished. I will not be writing anymore IEP's, FBA's, BIP's, RED's or ER's.

5. Another year means another chance to embrace my life and all that is in it. It is another chance to release my expectations of my life (thereby releasing my disappointments) and allow myself to marvel in it's fullness and beauty, even in the trying times.

So happy new year, folks! I hope you make it a good one.

Allergies, what?

So I've been back to the doctor for weird skin stuff going on. He said he thought it was allergic reaction to something and then sent me to an allergist. I had my allergy test today (both the prick test and needle testing). In a nutshell (not allergic to those) I am allergic to animals (especially mites, cats, and horses), mold, weeds, Birch trees, Johnson and Kentucky blue grass, sage, wheat pollen, and eggs.

My arms were red, swollen and itchy from all the testing. But it was worth it. I will be getting three different shots once a week. I'm going to give this all a few months and if I'm still getting the red spots on my legs I'm going to go back to the rheumologist. The allergy doctor even suggested that I go to one before she new that I'd been to one before! But at least all the allergies are ruled out. I like knowing something rather than nothing. I don't like the feeling of wondering what the hell is wrong with me. So I'm relieved in that sense.




Merry Christmas!!!

Tonight is my family Christmas and then we'll probably hang out tomorrow. Then on Friday I am heading up to South Dakota to visit the Steen side of the family - see my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I'm going to stop through Council Bluffs, IA on the way home and hang out with the Lendts. I'm looking forward to the little trip.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and that santa is very nice to each on of you!

tryin' on something new

Thanks to April (I cheated off your blog layout) I'm trying on something new. It isn't quite as comfortable as what I had before - but I thought I'd try it out while I was looking for a new layout.

Tag, I'm it!!!!

Thank you for the tag, April! I'm happy to fill this out.


The rules:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions below.
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag. Have FUN!!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Both. I can have hot chocolate at anytime. I usually only have egg nog once a year - a little goes a long way!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa usually puts them in a bag, depending on what it is. And yes, Santa still comes to my house. I will always believe :)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
white on the tree - I'm not adverse to colored though.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I did when I was in the practice of kissing someone regularly. It should probably be the other way around - I should have it up now so I get kisses, wanted or not.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
day after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I have some Norwegian favorites that I only get on the holidays - lefse, krumkake etc. I also look forward to all the baked goods.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
I don't have a very good long term memory - but I can remember one Christmas when I was really little my Grandma and Grandpa Barnes were there and we were driving to church or something and my Grandparents and I were looking out the window trying to see Santa and his reindeer. I love any memory where I can remember being with family. I have good memories of going to South Dakota every Christmas too and playing with my cousins, and driving on the lake.

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
That is when we always open our gifts. Since we usually went to South Dakota on Christmas day, we always had our family Christmas on Christmas Eve. We still do even if we don't go to South Dakota.

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Lots of ornaments from whatever. It's just a compilation of ornaments I've gotten since I got my first Christmas tree in 2000. I have some from students, many from friends and then just others that I've bought as fillers.

10. Can you ice skate?
I don't know - I haven't been for a long time. But the times I have gone I've been able to. I think I'm going to try and get some friends together to do that this year - it would be a fun activity.

11. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I've received so many wonderful and amazing gifts it's hard to say which is my favorite. The top two are my tv and my heart necklace.

12. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
what isn't my favorite? I love, love, love, Natalie and her mom's bake-a-thon goodie bag!

13. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Christmas with my family on Christmas eve.

14. What tops your tree?
a poor looking angel, but she's always been on my tree.

15. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
hmmm..this year has been a hard one for the giving, so receiving. But I love giving too.

16. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
We three kings...All traditional Christmas songs.

17. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
okay - I don't like how they get stuck in my teeth - love them in hot drinks though

18. What do you want for Christmas?
I have no friggin' clue. (and then after thinking I came up with this list:) An external hard drive, more memory for my computer, $400 to pay for my ticket to Washington DC, a new outfit, shoes/boots, a Coach purse (like Celinda's)

19. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
yes, several. Most of them not so party - but more of an excuse to make lots of good food and eat as well as share our musical talents.

20. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
Wear PJ's or sweatshirt and jeans

21. Do you own a santa hat?
Two actually - never really wear them though

22. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
Myself, My family if we get together on the 25th.

I tag: Alicia and Sheila

NEWS!!

Thanks to my dear friend, Brian, I will be attending the Presidential Inauguration! A once in a lifetime event! I cannot believe I'm going and I cannot wait. There will be so many high profile people going. We won't have the tickets until we get to D.C. but we could possibly even have seats (although, I don't know how two midwesterners would get seats...). I'm totally stoked and now have to figure out what I am going to wear (under the layers of coat, scarf and hat. Maybe some new jeans are in order (the expensive ones...)?




Had to get my girl in there!

a load off

I have finally been able to pay for my bridesmaid dress for the March wedding and pay for my property taxes! Whew! It's a load off.

Holiday Traditions

Here's 11 of my favorite holiday traditions.

1. Enjoying a Christmas Show
Brian and I started this tradition, hmmm...5? years ago, anyway we usually go see Magic of Christmas that the Kansas City Symphony puts on. The tickets are pricey and money is tight,so this year, we went to see the Boston Brass at the Leid Center at KU. It was absolutely fantastic and funny! I enjoyed every moment. It's one of my favorite traditions and I fully intend to keep it up every year. While I was looking for a pic of the Boston Brass, I came across this. Enjoy.



2. Putting up the Christmas decs the day after Thanksgiving
3. Going to a Christmas party.
This year, I was invited to go with Shannon and Andrew to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Since I went to one last year, I just recycled that and put more crap on it. Here's a pic of us that went. I don't like they way I look, so I'm also including a second pic of the ladies. (vain, I know)












4. Driving around looking at Christmas lights.
5. Christmas eve dinner with my family at IHOP or Denny's.
6. Candle light service at church.
Haven't done this for many years - but it still is one of my favorite moments of the year.
7. Traveling to South Dakota to see the Steen side of the family.
I haven't done this for a few years - but will be going this year.
8. Baking
I enjoy cooking and baking. I usually do a lot more baking during the holidays than cooking. This year so far, I made krumkake (kroom-ka-ka) for a work get together. My cousin, Maure (thank you Maure!), gave me a fancy krumkake maker a few years ago and I just used it for the first time. I've never made these by myself, only with my aunts at family reunions. It was really fun, and really impressive. They turned out to be very delicious. Here's a pic of my goodness:



9. Giving gifts
This year the gift giving is very limited. I haven't been able to get people what I want, if anything at all. I've even had a hard time giving of myself. I'm not without the Christmas spirit, just without the Christmas finances and the emotional stability. While this year may be a challenge, I think this still is one of my favorite traditions anytime of the year, not just at Christmas. The best Christmas for this was the first Christmas down at the loft (2000 or 2001) with Brian. We got each other an insane amount of gifts - it was awesome! That was back when we had nothing and so there was a lot of gifts to get and be useful. It's hard now that we have all the little stuff we need.

10. Getting gifts
Santa still comes to my house. My family has the best Christmases. My parents are so great about getting gifts that are outrageous for Eric and I and often leave us speechless. Last year - huge flat screen tv for me. I can remember when we got laptops one Christmas. It's always surprising and insane. But I love it - I can't lie. It'll be a sad day when either of us gets married and has kids - that when I see Santa coming to them and not to us...

11. Sending/Receiving Christmas Cards
I enjoy this ritual and try to do it on Thanksgiving break every year. I've started a little late this year, but I'll get them out. I also love receiving them and display them for everyone who enters my house to look at and admire.

Snow days - Hooray!

I became a teacher for a plethora of reasons. But today, the only reason that stands out is the snow day we got today! So exciting. I don't know what to do with my day - stay in or go out? I guess when I check my funds they will decide for me.

The Thanksgiving Report

**gonna be a long wordy one. read at your own risk.

Thanksgiving was a total success. I truly feel the tur-duck-hen is the only way to go. You take it out of a bag and put it in the oven. Nothing is better than not having to take the wire out of a frozen turkey! Plus the tur-duck-hen is very very tastey. The only thing I would do different is put my own stuffing in it. I wasn't too crazy about the stuffing. I am already scouting out people who prepare tur-duck-hen's here in KC so I can customize for next year. And even though my parents brought over a turkey to roast along with the tur-duck-hen because they were fearful, they ended up enjoying it a lot and took home their roasted turkey. This is by far the first thanksgiving in a long time that I didn't feel frustrated or upset about cooking and cleaning up (because, I do a majority of it all since it's at my house). Anyway - I call it a total success. I was very happy with all of it.

That night I got out and saw the plaza lights turn on with fireworks. I hadn't been for a few years and it was a special treat. It really made Christmas start for me.

So everything is going really well and then I was hit hard with severe depression for the rest of the weekend. I felt really lucky not to be depressed this fall (that is when it usually occurs). But like a mack truck, on it came. I am pretty sure the trigger was the holidays and the lonliness. I did decorate my house and my tree looks great - much prettier than the charlie brown tree it was last year, even though it's the same tree (I modified it). So, anyway, I spent all weekend trying to combat that crap. I did get online to check out the 24 hour fitness deals (I've been wanting my membership back, but couldn't afford it) and they had a great deal on friday. So I ended up getting a membership. I've already been a few times and feel really good about that decision. It was one of those things in life that just feels right. So that is a happy thing. And I am feeling much better today, maybe it was just the lonely holiday.

The 24 hour pass couldn't have come at a better time because work is disheartening and disappointing. I have hope for the future, but that is for later and another blog entirely. The working out really does help me so much. I wish I could be consistent about it all year round, some year soon.

I'm really looking forward to a trip to Clarinda for some wedding planning/helping for Shannon this weekend. All the bridesmaids will be there. I think it will be a really nice time.

I'm working on some things for my blog. Hopefully I can get them together and on here for more entertainment than my verbose blogging.