Modest Mouse in 15 days.
Continuation and explanation of yesterdays thoughts:
As many of you know, my thoughts seem to snow ball. I have one thought (usually the real problem), then one on top of that one, and then another on top of that one and so on and so forth. My first thoughts are usually: I need to pack more boxes, I don't know how I'm going to get all this done, I don't know if the house is going to be ready to close and I've already done everything (utilities etc.). My second thoughts are about not having enough people to move, having room for all my stuff etc. My third thoughts are usually I want this, that and then more stuff. My next thoughts are with all the new stuff, this would be a good time to change parts of my life. I'm not living the way I want to be. I understand it's a journey - but there's a goal and I'd like to make it there. I know what I want to do, just don't want to fail...etc. Then usually about this time I go on overload, stop and start it all over again.
The reality is that I need to take one moment at a time and not worry so much about the future. I don't do well with change and I'm trying to look at all this positively because it's another chapter opened in my life. Being a homeowner is a big deal to me. I also look at it as a new beginning. Another chance. While it's scary, it's very empowering to know I'm doing this all by myself. My thought process usually goes something like this: If I can do this, then I can manage my money. If I can do this, then I can stay away from eating out or going to the bar. If I can do this, then I can get up every morning and walk before work. If I can do this, then I can keep my house clean and neat. If I can do this, then I can go to the market every weekend and buy veggies and fruit. If I can do this, then I can let go of some of my crutches. If I can do this, then....and on and on and on. So maybe, now you can see some of my thoughts of things I want to change. Since change is coming, then why not now? I understand the probability of making lots of changes at once and know that I would be setting myself up for failure. But in time, I could do it - all because I bought this house.
I never, in any of my minds, thought that this would be an empowering process. But in the end, I believe it will be - even though I am scared and am need of lots of support. Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to be - that I know.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
6 years ago
3 comments:
I am sorry about Modest Mouse - I am not a big fan!! I will tell you the story someday.
Bon - I am so proud of you. Seriously, the things you have done, I never would have had the guts to do them w/o someone. Focus on that. You've done more then most people and have succeeded all the way. You have a successful career, a strong family, wonderful friends, much of what you want and everything you need. Isn't life good? Every time I look around and see people buying tons of cool, expensive things I almost get caught up in it. Then, I remember...I would spend time with the people I love then have a ton of things. That is stuff I remember, not things. I love life.
(I am drinking - can you tell?)
I love it when you drink. :D Yes, you are right and those are things I remember and think about everyday. I do get caught up in myself on occasion - all we can control is ourselves. Life is better than good, better than fantastic. I never have things to complain about - just discuss. I'm always trying to improve and become the person I want to be and that's what the last two blogs were about.
I'm sorry we don't like the same music...you've really not liked the two bands I've chosen to go to this summer. Have you checked out MM's new cd? It's good, better than the rest - they are really coming into their own.
xoxo to you!
well, good luck with everything girl. i hope this transition in your life brings about everything you are hoping for. Lord knows you deserve it!
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