MY FAVORITE THINGS!!!

I decided I needed more of a focus on my blog rather than the ranting and ravings I have been writing for a while. I think I'm going to do some lists.  Here's my first one.

My Favorite Things!!!  (In my best Oprah voice "and YOU get one, and YOU get one, and YOU get one")

#1.  A new purchase....my facial buff.  Everyone should incorporate this into their showering experience!

#2.  A gift given to me by Celinda, that I believe her husband got for free from his company....my black Gear workout/sleep pants.   I love these pants.  I want to live in these pants.  I have 2 pair and will cry the day they wear out.

#3.  Nivea Original Moisture Daily Lotion.  It seems perfect for my skin and I love the smell.  I am not crazy about the ingredients.....however, love conquers all.

#4.  All things Zum (do you see a trend with beauty products...hmmm).  This company and all products are worth every penny! 

#5.  Lorina Sparkling French Soda in French Berry - This French soda brightens my day, I always get it when I'm feeling down or on special occasions.

#6.  JUST DANCE 2 for the Wii - LOVE this game.  I will play it by myself daily, but it is so much more fun with friends.

#7.  MAC makeup.  If you haven't had the MAC experience - do yourself a favor and hit it up next time you are in Nordstrom's, Macy's or wherever they sell it.  $50 bucks and you will feel and look like a rockstar!!

#8.  Charter Club Blanket, 3 in 1 snuggle wrap - It's bliss! 

#9.  Netflix - So many hours of entertainment, I wish they would get more videos online, but it still is one of my favorite things.

#10. My Coach purse.  It's been like 3 years since I bought my 'grown up' purse.  I don't miss buying purses or bags at all.  I love my Coach. 

taxes

Well...I just tried something new with my taxes.  I did deductions for the storm doors (energy efficient) that I bought this year, as well as my donations to Goodwill (I kept a list of everything I gave - $488 by the item list on taxact), I took the max for teachers (always have, always will as long as I'm a teacher).  I've never done that much itemizing before, guess we'll see what happens.  I figure if the money is there, why not get my piece.  If all goes smoothly, I will have enough to attain my goal I set out to attain 3 years ago.  Success!  But I have more goals to begin after this one is accomplished.  In my Read 180 class, we read a profile of a psychologist (Nancy Etcoff) that says that it's the journey to the goal that we enjoy/makes us happy, not necessarily the accomplishment itself.  Dr. Etcoff also said that money doesn't buy happiness....while I agree, I'd really like to find out for myself ;)  
Going to a new meetup group tonight - it's for single ladies with no kids.  Kinda sounded empowering, and I love the social aspect of it.  We are eating sushi and then going to a boxing class.  Awesome stuff. 

pep talk

There has been a lot on my mind lately.  I've allowed impatience and doubt and the unknown to cloud my better judgment.  While, I try to spend moments living in the now, everything I do has been masterfully calculated and sought for.  I am always working towards a goal or set of goals.  Everything I do is calculated into this.  Even if it's loosing control or being spontaneous.  There are several goals I have been working on for 2-3 years and they will be achieved this year.  I'm almost 100% certain that everything I realized for myself a few years ago will come to fruition in 2011.  Which means a new chapter or new goals will reveal themselves.  I reminded myself  of this tonight as I dove deep into the anxiety of the upcoming week.  I cried because I know that these feelings I currently have of self doubt and not being on the right path are short term and will come to an end as this school year closes.  Regardless of what the future holds, I know it will be different and that gives me more calm and mind rest than I could pray for.  In the meantime, what I have promised myself tonight is that I will live it up in the now.  I will remind myself daily that my life is not my work.  I will say yes.  I will make sure that I have loads of experiences to look forward to.  I will wake up early to look at my vision board while I'm drinking my coffee or eating cereal.  I will ward off feelings of depression and defeat by reminding myself of the positive and working out.  I will remind myself that it is only temporary, changes are coming...fast.

feelings

Only at my house, where there are no children, can you find silly bandz  in every room.  They are pretty much the only confiscated item I tend to wear and bring home. 
I've been thinking a lot lately about this overwhelming feeling that I've been having.  It's the feeling that I am destined for something else.  I have no doubt that when I decided to go into education rather than therapy I was following the path I was supposed to be on.  In the last few years, I've had a feeling that has gone from just a mere tug to totally overwhelming my life that tells me there is something else I need to be doing.  Something else I need to be utilized for.  I ask the universe daily, if not hourly, for some opportunity or a sign to point me in the right direction.  The farthest I've gotten is the acknowledgment, by myself, of the things that I'm most passionate about.  I have not figured out yet how to put them into something that I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess only time can tell.  The universe always answers in some form.  I am just impatient and want it all now.  I find it incurably hard to be patient and live into my answers.

what is it?

Is it stress?
Is it burn out?
Is it depression?
Is it being overweight?
Is it loneliness?
Is it the ghetto?
Is it the government?
Is it lack of ambition?
Is it sadness?
Is it an obstacle?
Is it societal norms?
Is it disappointment?
Is it lack of motivation?
Is it unbalanced priorities?
Is it the unknown?
Is it disapproval?
Is it unfinished business?
Is it financial hardship?
Is it boredom?
Is it age?

on occasion

I wonder if it's just the eyes I'm looking out of or does everyone see how messed up our world is....

I also wonder if I had the ability to see out of someone elses view - would it look the same or feel different?

Lately, I am concerned with the dead birds dropping from the air, but not too many other people seem to be noticing (also the mass deaths of fish, crabs and cockles). 

I think, maybe, that over the course of my career, the (my) definition of success has changed. 

I think that 8 years in the ghetto is enough, although it's pretty much all know...and that is scary. 

2012

If the world ends in 2012......
-I would regret not quitting my job and taking all my retirement out to travel the world. 
-I would wish I'd have been a little more reckless and had more abandon.
-I would be happy that I said yes more times than I said no.
-I would wish that I hadn't let the midwestern values restrict my soul with worry and struggle
-I would wish that I'd spoken more of my mind sooner.
-I would be happy with my endless amount of fight to live the life I want.
-I would be satisfied with my career choices.
-I would probably wish that I had opened all the credit cards I could and given me and my friends all the experiences we could have gotten.
-I would wish that I spent more time living my own life and less time being envious of others.
-I would be happy that I when I did live it up, I really did.
-I would feel good that the only regret I had was that I didn't quit my job, take all my retirement and travel.

New Years Resolutions

Here's a few resolutions - or goals I already have, in no particular order.

1.  more game nights.  Played a new game called Quelf (yes, I know, that's the real name of it).  I am excited to play it again.  Plus I also found out you can play 8 people on Just dance 2. 
2.  I want to bike twice as much as last year.  I want a road bike.  I want to bike a 50 mile stretch.  I want to join a biking group that meets weekly.
3.  Continue on my path of an active life style - I definitely think it's the path I'm supposed to be on.
4.  Continue changing my diet.  More veggies.  I want to create a list of go to recipes for myself in 2011.  I want to try and plan more meals and cook more for myself  -I was doing it, but got out of the practice of it because it can be hard to cook for one (mentally, emotionally hard).
5.  Make the 'struggle' less existent.  I am tired of struggling lately with decisions, thoughts, midwestern values, the parts of my life I can't control.  I need to let the control factor go and just live.  The struggle has gotten quite difficult to handle lately and that has to change.
6.  Go ghost hunting.  It has been insanely hard to find a group here in KC.  But I really want to go.  I have this interest, which is surprising to myself and everyone else, and I need to feed it.
7.  Travel, however this will be dependent on....
8.  Continue to work towards being debt free.
9.  Run 3 miles without stopping.
10.  Get a new position at work, or a new job, or sell everything...take my retirement..and travel until it runs out.
11.  hire a handyman to do all the repairs that I am not willing to learn how to do
12.  change my car insurance - it should be cheaper.
13.  Start saving money.
14.  Treat myself with more respect, so when I meet men, they also treat me with respect.
15.  Continue to loose weight.  I do have a goal, but not sure if I will ever make it there.
16.  Go to church.....I'd like to have a church family - or go to church with my friends.  There's always opportunities at a church, that's what I'm looking for...I've already found God, and he's not just in a church so it's really the opportunities I'm looking for...


That's all for now.  I am always working on goals and changing them as my life changes.  I really like where I'm at emotionally.  I really like the path my life is on and the direction I'm headed in.  My journey is ever changing. 

2010 wrap up

I had a lot of events to blog about, but I don't think it's gonna happen.  So I figured, why not do my end of the year wrap up.  The last few years I have done a blog on the past year.  I would like to successfully say that I was really upset at the end of 2009, I was not happy with where my life was and what I was doing with, I have quite the opposite to say in 2010.
This year was quite possibly a turning point, new chapter, everything coming to fruition.  If you read this blog at all, you understand that I struggle with many things in life.  You also know that I will do whatever I need to do to figure out a solution. 
A few years ago I started a life transformation from a party girl (rather pretty word for alcoholic) to a functioning responsible adult.  I let go of the 12 hour happy hours, I stopped going out 3-5 nights a week, I started exercising, I started paying off my bills, I started feeling better, I even started looking better.  I still was at an unease last year - I was unfulfilled, jealous, and unhappy.  I continued on my journey through 2010, saw some light with the finances (and continue to do so), started playing a lot more active role in my life, gained some new interests, said yes to new and unique experiences, paid a lot more attention to what others could teach me.  I also took the summer to just enjoy being.  My bike had a lot to do with that.  Riding it is a lot like what I think freedom feels like.  Which is how I feel now - free.   I'm in a better place this year all around - emotionally, financially, physically. 
I decided for the next step, I would find adjectives to describe my life and how I want it.  Enjoy. 

sidebar - teaching

I have a list of events to write about, but I keep finding short 'in-the-moment' type things to blog.  I was looking for adjectives to describe the life I have/want tonight and found this. 

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviors.  Keep your behaviors positive because your behaviors become your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

And I thought...this is what I do in my classroom, this is what I'm teaching everyday, this is what I strive to instill in my students, OMG I need this as a poster.  So I'm blogging it in hopes to make it a poster for my classroom.  

Invictus

I received the netflix dvd of Invictus and am currently watching it.  I want the world to know that the poem in which this movie bears the namesake, and Mandela recited while in prison is not by Mandela.  While a great man, a good many organizations, fraternities, individuals look to this poem for inspiration. 
"Invictus" is a short Victorian poem by the English poet William Ernest Henley (1849–1903).  He wrote it while in the hospital being treated for tuberculosis of the bone.  He lived at least another 25 + years after writing it. 
It's a powerful poem and reminds me a great deal of Kappa Kappa Psi, the honorary band fraternity I was in during college.  We recited this without even knowing all the background.  I'm happy to give it to you now. 

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

As a movie, it's all right.  Kind of boring - but that could be the pot of coffee I drank this morning.  I do enjoy watching Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela and Matt Damon's biceps.  

Winter Break, it's finally here!

I've never hurried out of work so fast at a long break as I did today.  I packed my car while the kids were at lunch.  I've never done that.  I don't quite feel the release yet, but I am so happy to not have to go to work tomorrow.  I think I'll start feeling the joy and bliss tomorrow.  At least I hope it comes fast and doesn't take all of break to get to that summer place. 
I have very little planned for my break.  Here's what I have done so far and have planned for myself:
12/22 - pay bills, go grocery shopping
12/23 - clean, finish Christmas shopping, wrap, make homemade cinnamon buns
12/24 - clean, watch tv, read, have family over, open presents
12/25 - cook a big Christmas dinner, play games with the family (I will make them dance)
12/26 - read, watch tv, lay around, enjoy the clean house, eat left overs
12/27 - decide if I am getting tires on the car or not
12/28 - lunch with a friend?
12/29 - lunch with a friend?
12/30 - girls movie day
12/31 - Maysville for the annual NYE get together
and nothing.  Of course, there will spontaneous days of stuff or evening get togethers.  As well as naps, and the gym.  Hope to make it to the gym almost everyday. 

I would also like to note in this blog that I've been sick for about 3 weeks.  This last week, my joints started aching - like arthritis.  It's been hard to really move around, lay around or do just about anything with comfort.  I went to the dr. on the 21st and got some antibiotics.  Hopefully it helps, I haven't felt much help since I started them last night.  Maybe tomorrow??  Plus I'm going to go to the gym and I think that will help some.  It really worries me that my body feels like this though.  The dr. said to hit up the rhuematologist if the joint pain doesn't go away after I am through the with antibiotics.  Lots of sleep, water and no stress!!  I think that will cure me more than anything. 

day after thoughts

My best friend, Brian, got married last night.  Here's my thoughts the day after. *disclaimer - this is NOT a blog about his wedding, that will come later with pictures.
-I have the best friends and family in the world.  They care, they love, they show concern, they take care of me, they love me at my worst and at my best - I don't think anyone can ask for anything better.  They fill my life, they are my life.
-I did not cry at this wedding.  I did enjoy it.  I did not get sad.  I did put all my feelings into worrying about what I looked like.  It's a weird realization, but even though I might have been annoying or vain about it - I'm glad that's where my feelings went instead of showing them.
-With no partner in crime or back-up, the need to find a mate becomes more desperate.  I hate desperate.  I also hate being the only single person. 
-I've lost 26 pounds in the last year just by changing my lifestyle.  However in the last few weeks I have eaten little to try and fit better in the dress.  I am very hungry for food.  I will be eating for the next 2 weeks.  I will also work out, but I am not going to watch my calories or amounts.  It will be bliss!!
-on that thought, the eating shall commence!!

ulgggggl

That is kind of the sound I have been making.  I've been so sick and in the house all weekend.  I take care of myself and as a teacher take all the necessary precautions, but it hit me hard this weekend.  I'm not sure if it was a virus or a sinus infection.  But I had a temperature and all my joints hurt.  I'm feeling much better today.  I've been drinking some mocha with dollops of whip cream - delish!  It makes me warm and happy. I've got to get better by next weekend, it's Brian's wedding.  I got the dress zipped that I had my heart set on wearing.  It's a gorgeous Alfred Angelo from Maure's wedding.  It's a little tight in the boobs, but it zipped and that was all I was hoping for.  I've still got 4 days to make it fit better.  I'm looking for a red sash/drape to put over my shoulders.  Anyway - my Bearcats lost in the semifinals.  It was really cold up in Duluth.  It made for some really slow football and 3 interceptions from the other team.  There will be next year. 

Hope everyone has a good week!  7.5 more days of work until my Winter Break!!  (6.5 for me since I had to take off for Brian's wedding) 

Animals of YouTube sing "Deck the Halls"

Thanksgiving 2010 - Plaza Lighting

Thanksgiving 2010

ing

listening: Glee Christmas CD - Love it, and love the show!
tasting:  dill pickle - just ate one for no reason at all
watching: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (saw it for the 2nd time today)
reading: A Gateway Award nominee...
wearing: northwest sweatshirt and my favorite black pj type sweat pants
going: to address christmas cards and maybe write a little something in them if there's a good movie on

Thankfull

Tis the season, to be thankful.  Here's some more things I'm thankful for.

-good friends
-good family
-Rachel Ray, Tyler Florence, Bobby Flay, Paula Deen, Epicurious, Foodnetwork kitchens
-paying off my car
-PCCB
-my old, but renewed oboe
-a friends Christmas tree she gave me for a lunch (remember mine busted last year..hahah)
-my slanket
-Irish Cream & coffee
-Canadian Whiskey & ginger ale
-plans on Thanksgiving night (haven't had 'em in a few years)
-the hope and renewed sense of life the new year brings with it
-a new sweater that ironically is going to look great with the jewelry my momma just gave me.

Cheers to Thanksgiving!  May everyone's be as family and friend filled as I plan for mine to be. 

Thankfull

I looked back the last 3 years of November posts and no Thankful posts...so maybe it's time and fitting that I remember all the things I am thank-full for (life has been a bit dreary lately).
So here are some, in no particular order:
my family
true friends, my chosen family
hope
opportunities
Deathly Hallows Part 1
holidays full of family, friends, celebrations and games
the gym
smart advice
in advance, I'm thankful to the person who listens to me finally let go of all my recent thoughts
Northwest Missouri state playoff games

And while I'm sure I'm thankful for much more.  That's it for right now.
2 days this week and then a 5 day weekend. That is something to be thankful for!!