pep talk

There has been a lot on my mind lately.  I've allowed impatience and doubt and the unknown to cloud my better judgment.  While, I try to spend moments living in the now, everything I do has been masterfully calculated and sought for.  I am always working towards a goal or set of goals.  Everything I do is calculated into this.  Even if it's loosing control or being spontaneous.  There are several goals I have been working on for 2-3 years and they will be achieved this year.  I'm almost 100% certain that everything I realized for myself a few years ago will come to fruition in 2011.  Which means a new chapter or new goals will reveal themselves.  I reminded myself  of this tonight as I dove deep into the anxiety of the upcoming week.  I cried because I know that these feelings I currently have of self doubt and not being on the right path are short term and will come to an end as this school year closes.  Regardless of what the future holds, I know it will be different and that gives me more calm and mind rest than I could pray for.  In the meantime, what I have promised myself tonight is that I will live it up in the now.  I will remind myself daily that my life is not my work.  I will say yes.  I will make sure that I have loads of experiences to look forward to.  I will wake up early to look at my vision board while I'm drinking my coffee or eating cereal.  I will ward off feelings of depression and defeat by reminding myself of the positive and working out.  I will remind myself that it is only temporary, changes are coming...fast.