downhill slope

It is definitely time to take a break from bars and drinking. With all the negative thoughts I've been having since turning 31, drinking is probably the last thing I need to do. However, it seems it's the first thing I set out to do. It's been a long time (years) where I actually went out to get drunk - drinking purposefully. That is what I have done this week (minus monday night when I went to see Cowboy Junkies) but every other night I went out this week (Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday - no I don't have a problem....) it was purposeful drinking. Sunday didn't start out like that, it just turned into it. So it's time to take a break. I really need to focus on something else other than having my 'midwestern reality check breakdown'. It's really getting to me and I feel that I might crack up - some might think I already have.
Anyway, I figured I'd start going to the gym again this week. I've promised myself, no bars for a while. I'm going to miss out on some things, but I obviously can't handle it until I get it all under control again and feel better. We are also giving the MAP at school this week (the big test) and I am the token person that gives it to long term suspension students after school. So I hope to be busy and not have much down time to sit and think about this breakdown that I feel like is about to hit bottom.
BTW - I do have the best friends. I got home safe last night because of one of them. All the while I was being a total jerk (seems to happen when the Steen children drink sometimes). He doesn't deserve to be projected on (human behavior - sometimes we project our problems on others, or in drinking, or drugs, or etc.). Only once have I lost a friend from it (drunk jerkiness) and I hope that it doesn't happen again.

I hope everyone has a good week!!! Think positive thoughts!