31

Turning 31 sure has been a lot harder for me than turning 30. I think just adding that extra year has given me a midwestern reality check. I have overwhelmingly become very tired of being single. My thoughts consume my time, even spent with people. They bounce from one extreme to another. Either I'm thinking that I need to settle or that I will just be eternally single (I sometimes refer to this as frigid).
I am well aware of everyones answers and cooing responses. But they make no difference. I am still consumed, worried, in fear of, sick with......

I've never really felt this ultimate before. Which is where the 31 comes into play. I feel like now I have to choose whether to decide that being single for the rest of my life is okay and move on like that, or decide whether I have to do whatever, even settling, to be 'married'. It's not like the final goal is marriage - I don't need all the hoopla, but my final goal would be to find a mate, someone who loves me for who I am and that I can do that in return. More of a partner in crime for life kinda thing than a ring on my finger (although i want one of those too).

The other thing I've noticed is that I'm not dealing well with rejection. I am usually all right with this - it's okay to not get what I want. Sometimes I just can't have it and I'm usually very understanding about it. But lately, it's really sucked. I can't get over it very fast, I think about more than I should, I get mad at the person rejecting me.... And for the most part, I feel this everyday - not healthy. I dislike it when things make sense in your head and work out when you think them out and then in real life the other person comes in and messes it up. (pretty immature, aren't I?)

Oh well....just had all these consuming thoughts and figured maybe writing them out would help.