There is way too much to sit down and formulate a blog. I've been putting it off because it would just take too much time. I will let you know I had the best time in Washington D.C. I was there for an entire week - we extended our stay. Everything went smoothly - no bumps whatsoever. And it was life changing. Not in the sense of seeing Obama be inaugurated, but more in an inner sense of the journey of my life.

Because I can't wrap my mind around sitting here and describing my story while posting pics (I am really afraid it would take like 12 hours for me to do). I will stop right here and post a pic or two. I have posted about 40-50 pics on Facebook. Myspace takes a little longer and I haven't had time to do it yet. But at some point, I will sit down and picture it out for all you non-facebook types. Maybe one day at a time would be good. Just know, I had the best time!






Obama speaking from podium after his swearing in. This was my view - yes, a closer standing area than most!

Gettin' ready

2 days of work to get through and then I am outta here! I am totally stoked to go. There will be so many people! It is truly going to be a once-in-a-lifetime event! (I'm speaking of the Presidential Inauguration, but everyone that reads this knows).
I might even get to see a friend from college that is just getting back from Iraq. I'm sure I blogged about her this summer/fall. Anyway - that just adds to the excitement.

eeken excited

Alliteration is astounding. I think I will totally teach it tomorrow.

Anyway - I am terribly excited to be going out of town. It's 10:23 on a Sunday night and I'll I can think about is Friday. Friday is when I'm packing up, Saturday is when we are actually going. But it's Friday that I'm thinking about. I cannot wait. I'm in need of an adventure. I have no expectations. I am totally open to anything that will and can happen. (I usually have expectations, we know this) I absolutely cannot wait 5 days. I don't think I'll be able to do anything at work, even though I have so much to do.

I'm not trying to rub it in, well maybe a little, but I just wanted to spread my excitement around a little.

Happy week to everyone. I know I'll be thinking nothing but of my adventure.

The Salon

Many of you know and regular readers have heard/read about my very part time job at the salon. I dislike working on Saturdays, terribly. Really dislike doing it. So why do I continue to work at the salon? Here are the reasons why:
1. I get paid my measly amount every two weeks which works well for me since my real job pays only once a month.
2. It's easy.
3. They are sooo flexible. I can take off whenever I want, add more hours - whatever I need.
4. If I so choose (which I usually don't have money for), there are benefits - like half off services, 30% off product etc.

And those are the only 4 reasons why I work at the salon. I wrote this for my sanity as I stand here until 8pm in heels knowing I have to come back and do this again all day Saturday.

The pointless point.

I worry about work and personal issues. I often stress, usually more about work than personal stuff. I've tried all year to remind myself that work is just a job, makes your money so that you can come home and do the stuff that makes your life worth living. I try to take on the philosophy that I work to live - not live to work. I stayed up most of the night Thursday, worrying about coming back to work and all the paperwork I needed to complete on Friday. Then spent the rest of the weekend trying to make up for that lost sleep. Last night I tossed and turned, yelled at my dog (she was in the middle of the bed and wouldn't move) because I had a big meeting today in which I felt I had to perform (speak eloquently). So, I get to school early, to get prepared and such. There's big drama and then the meeting happens. I had more people on my side this time (last meeting didn't go well....I don't know if anyone has ever been bullied by an educational advocate - it's not fun). The meeting went on for 2 hours - but went well. There were a lot more positive things said this time. And the advocate was nothing but pleasant this go round. It was another reminder of how I need not worry. I was once so good at my job, and I have such doubt about myself this year. All that I believe is my fault from the amount of stress I create about this job I'm doing. I think it's become a habit - like I don't know how to feel anymore without having all the stress.
Resolution #1 - Destress and learn what it feels like to live without stress.
I also have hit a big wall. I'm having a helluva time getting over it. I need to be healthier. I need to change my eating habit and exercise habits. I need someone to help hold me accountable - to push me in the right direction. If anyone wants to volunteer to call or text me everyday and just ask how I'm doing - if I made it to the gym, if I ate well etc...please - I think I'm in need of a pusher or accountability partner. I'm just not handling it on my own at all and if I look back - I never have been able to. I have always been successful when I've had someone to go to the gym with or competition to loose weight.
Resolution #2 - Find a healthy place in my life: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Those things were weighing heavy on me today. I just realized that lately all I've wanted to do and think about is reading and traveling. Both elements of escape in my life. I guess it's probably a wake up call to put aside the books and the travel channel - which is why I wrote the resolutions above.

Shout out

This is for Stacy who chose to read my blog today (I think she started in like November 08) and chose to leave a comment on almost each blog (she left 13 comments!).

I loved the mass of love! I was totally surprised and taken back by all the comments. My favorite was the one about my boss (getting a new job and punching her in the face..) ironic enough, she was a great support during a crappy meeting today.

And even though I don't always leave comments on your blog - I am a big fan and a regular reader :)

Happy New Year!

Precious. That is my Maggie.

I'm struggling with positive things to say - it's no secret, it's been the hardest holiday season in recent years. I probably say that every year, but I say it this year as someone much wiser and more mature than the person I was last year.

So instead I will name 5 things that I am looking forward to in 2009.

1. Going to Washington D.C, and any other travel adventures I choose. I love to travel and am glad that I'm getting a head start for this year in January.

2. Being in the last 2 weddings I will ever be in that are not my own. After these two, the next one will be mine!

3. Being active and embracing the warm weather when it comes. Tuesday I took a 2 mile walk with a friend and our dogs and then went and played tennis with another friend. I am looking forward to more of those opportunities anytime the weather is warm.

4. Finishing this school year and going into my final year in Special Education. No matter what I choose to do after next school year, my abusive relationship with Special Education will be finished. I will not be writing anymore IEP's, FBA's, BIP's, RED's or ER's.

5. Another year means another chance to embrace my life and all that is in it. It is another chance to release my expectations of my life (thereby releasing my disappointments) and allow myself to marvel in it's fullness and beauty, even in the trying times.

So happy new year, folks! I hope you make it a good one.

Allergies, what?

So I've been back to the doctor for weird skin stuff going on. He said he thought it was allergic reaction to something and then sent me to an allergist. I had my allergy test today (both the prick test and needle testing). In a nutshell (not allergic to those) I am allergic to animals (especially mites, cats, and horses), mold, weeds, Birch trees, Johnson and Kentucky blue grass, sage, wheat pollen, and eggs.

My arms were red, swollen and itchy from all the testing. But it was worth it. I will be getting three different shots once a week. I'm going to give this all a few months and if I'm still getting the red spots on my legs I'm going to go back to the rheumologist. The allergy doctor even suggested that I go to one before she new that I'd been to one before! But at least all the allergies are ruled out. I like knowing something rather than nothing. I don't like the feeling of wondering what the hell is wrong with me. So I'm relieved in that sense.




Merry Christmas!!!

Tonight is my family Christmas and then we'll probably hang out tomorrow. Then on Friday I am heading up to South Dakota to visit the Steen side of the family - see my cousins and Aunts and Uncles. I'm going to stop through Council Bluffs, IA on the way home and hang out with the Lendts. I'm looking forward to the little trip.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and that santa is very nice to each on of you!

tryin' on something new

Thanks to April (I cheated off your blog layout) I'm trying on something new. It isn't quite as comfortable as what I had before - but I thought I'd try it out while I was looking for a new layout.

Tag, I'm it!!!!

Thank you for the tag, April! I'm happy to fill this out.


The rules:
1. Post the rules on your blog.
2. Fill out the questions below.
3. Tag 5-7 people at the end of your post.
4. Pass on the tag. Have FUN!!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Both. I can have hot chocolate at anytime. I usually only have egg nog once a year - a little goes a long way!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa usually puts them in a bag, depending on what it is. And yes, Santa still comes to my house. I will always believe :)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
white on the tree - I'm not adverse to colored though.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I did when I was in the practice of kissing someone regularly. It should probably be the other way around - I should have it up now so I get kisses, wanted or not.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
day after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I have some Norwegian favorites that I only get on the holidays - lefse, krumkake etc. I also look forward to all the baked goods.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?
I don't have a very good long term memory - but I can remember one Christmas when I was really little my Grandma and Grandpa Barnes were there and we were driving to church or something and my Grandparents and I were looking out the window trying to see Santa and his reindeer. I love any memory where I can remember being with family. I have good memories of going to South Dakota every Christmas too and playing with my cousins, and driving on the lake.

8. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
That is when we always open our gifts. Since we usually went to South Dakota on Christmas day, we always had our family Christmas on Christmas Eve. We still do even if we don't go to South Dakota.

9. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Lots of ornaments from whatever. It's just a compilation of ornaments I've gotten since I got my first Christmas tree in 2000. I have some from students, many from friends and then just others that I've bought as fillers.

10. Can you ice skate?
I don't know - I haven't been for a long time. But the times I have gone I've been able to. I think I'm going to try and get some friends together to do that this year - it would be a fun activity.

11. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I've received so many wonderful and amazing gifts it's hard to say which is my favorite. The top two are my tv and my heart necklace.

12. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
what isn't my favorite? I love, love, love, Natalie and her mom's bake-a-thon goodie bag!

13. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Christmas with my family on Christmas eve.

14. What tops your tree?
a poor looking angel, but she's always been on my tree.

15. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
hmmm..this year has been a hard one for the giving, so receiving. But I love giving too.

16. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
We three kings...All traditional Christmas songs.

17. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
okay - I don't like how they get stuck in my teeth - love them in hot drinks though

18. What do you want for Christmas?
I have no friggin' clue. (and then after thinking I came up with this list:) An external hard drive, more memory for my computer, $400 to pay for my ticket to Washington DC, a new outfit, shoes/boots, a Coach purse (like Celinda's)

19. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
yes, several. Most of them not so party - but more of an excuse to make lots of good food and eat as well as share our musical talents.

20. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
Wear PJ's or sweatshirt and jeans

21. Do you own a santa hat?
Two actually - never really wear them though

22. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
Myself, My family if we get together on the 25th.

I tag: Alicia and Sheila

NEWS!!

Thanks to my dear friend, Brian, I will be attending the Presidential Inauguration! A once in a lifetime event! I cannot believe I'm going and I cannot wait. There will be so many high profile people going. We won't have the tickets until we get to D.C. but we could possibly even have seats (although, I don't know how two midwesterners would get seats...). I'm totally stoked and now have to figure out what I am going to wear (under the layers of coat, scarf and hat. Maybe some new jeans are in order (the expensive ones...)?




Had to get my girl in there!

a load off

I have finally been able to pay for my bridesmaid dress for the March wedding and pay for my property taxes! Whew! It's a load off.

Holiday Traditions

Here's 11 of my favorite holiday traditions.

1. Enjoying a Christmas Show
Brian and I started this tradition, hmmm...5? years ago, anyway we usually go see Magic of Christmas that the Kansas City Symphony puts on. The tickets are pricey and money is tight,so this year, we went to see the Boston Brass at the Leid Center at KU. It was absolutely fantastic and funny! I enjoyed every moment. It's one of my favorite traditions and I fully intend to keep it up every year. While I was looking for a pic of the Boston Brass, I came across this. Enjoy.



2. Putting up the Christmas decs the day after Thanksgiving
3. Going to a Christmas party.
This year, I was invited to go with Shannon and Andrew to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. Since I went to one last year, I just recycled that and put more crap on it. Here's a pic of us that went. I don't like they way I look, so I'm also including a second pic of the ladies. (vain, I know)












4. Driving around looking at Christmas lights.
5. Christmas eve dinner with my family at IHOP or Denny's.
6. Candle light service at church.
Haven't done this for many years - but it still is one of my favorite moments of the year.
7. Traveling to South Dakota to see the Steen side of the family.
I haven't done this for a few years - but will be going this year.
8. Baking
I enjoy cooking and baking. I usually do a lot more baking during the holidays than cooking. This year so far, I made krumkake (kroom-ka-ka) for a work get together. My cousin, Maure (thank you Maure!), gave me a fancy krumkake maker a few years ago and I just used it for the first time. I've never made these by myself, only with my aunts at family reunions. It was really fun, and really impressive. They turned out to be very delicious. Here's a pic of my goodness:



9. Giving gifts
This year the gift giving is very limited. I haven't been able to get people what I want, if anything at all. I've even had a hard time giving of myself. I'm not without the Christmas spirit, just without the Christmas finances and the emotional stability. While this year may be a challenge, I think this still is one of my favorite traditions anytime of the year, not just at Christmas. The best Christmas for this was the first Christmas down at the loft (2000 or 2001) with Brian. We got each other an insane amount of gifts - it was awesome! That was back when we had nothing and so there was a lot of gifts to get and be useful. It's hard now that we have all the little stuff we need.

10. Getting gifts
Santa still comes to my house. My family has the best Christmases. My parents are so great about getting gifts that are outrageous for Eric and I and often leave us speechless. Last year - huge flat screen tv for me. I can remember when we got laptops one Christmas. It's always surprising and insane. But I love it - I can't lie. It'll be a sad day when either of us gets married and has kids - that when I see Santa coming to them and not to us...

11. Sending/Receiving Christmas Cards
I enjoy this ritual and try to do it on Thanksgiving break every year. I've started a little late this year, but I'll get them out. I also love receiving them and display them for everyone who enters my house to look at and admire.

Snow days - Hooray!

I became a teacher for a plethora of reasons. But today, the only reason that stands out is the snow day we got today! So exciting. I don't know what to do with my day - stay in or go out? I guess when I check my funds they will decide for me.

The Thanksgiving Report

**gonna be a long wordy one. read at your own risk.

Thanksgiving was a total success. I truly feel the tur-duck-hen is the only way to go. You take it out of a bag and put it in the oven. Nothing is better than not having to take the wire out of a frozen turkey! Plus the tur-duck-hen is very very tastey. The only thing I would do different is put my own stuffing in it. I wasn't too crazy about the stuffing. I am already scouting out people who prepare tur-duck-hen's here in KC so I can customize for next year. And even though my parents brought over a turkey to roast along with the tur-duck-hen because they were fearful, they ended up enjoying it a lot and took home their roasted turkey. This is by far the first thanksgiving in a long time that I didn't feel frustrated or upset about cooking and cleaning up (because, I do a majority of it all since it's at my house). Anyway - I call it a total success. I was very happy with all of it.

That night I got out and saw the plaza lights turn on with fireworks. I hadn't been for a few years and it was a special treat. It really made Christmas start for me.

So everything is going really well and then I was hit hard with severe depression for the rest of the weekend. I felt really lucky not to be depressed this fall (that is when it usually occurs). But like a mack truck, on it came. I am pretty sure the trigger was the holidays and the lonliness. I did decorate my house and my tree looks great - much prettier than the charlie brown tree it was last year, even though it's the same tree (I modified it). So, anyway, I spent all weekend trying to combat that crap. I did get online to check out the 24 hour fitness deals (I've been wanting my membership back, but couldn't afford it) and they had a great deal on friday. So I ended up getting a membership. I've already been a few times and feel really good about that decision. It was one of those things in life that just feels right. So that is a happy thing. And I am feeling much better today, maybe it was just the lonely holiday.

The 24 hour pass couldn't have come at a better time because work is disheartening and disappointing. I have hope for the future, but that is for later and another blog entirely. The working out really does help me so much. I wish I could be consistent about it all year round, some year soon.

I'm really looking forward to a trip to Clarinda for some wedding planning/helping for Shannon this weekend. All the bridesmaids will be there. I think it will be a really nice time.

I'm working on some things for my blog. Hopefully I can get them together and on here for more entertainment than my verbose blogging.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Drum roll.......




Ta da! A Tur-duc-hen. It is beautiful.

Edward...

In one word, I would describe this movie as - okay. As an obsessed fan I found it exciting, reassuring, and damn sexy. But if I hadn't read the book, I might think that the movie is a little slow in parts. I didn't think they developed the characters as much as they should have. I kinda think it was due to time. I am excited to see the rest of the movies. I will be reading the entire saga again at Christmas break - I am going to try and read it in one setting -all four books. Did I mention - obsessed.

Anyway - for the reader, it's a must to go see the movie and probably own them in the future. For the person who hasn't ventured into reading the books, save your money. Although, it is beyond me why anyone wouldn't read these books. They are iconic.

For Stephanie Meyer fans - do read The Host, sci fi and really enjoyable, couldn't put it down (which means I read it in one setting).

I am so looking for my Edward. Readers - all 4 of you - send some thoughts out into the universe for me to find my other, I am ready! (but that's another blog)

myth busted!

Myth: Special Educators make more than regular teachers.

Truth - Every public district (in MO) is on a scale, that is published and your wages are based off of your years of experience and amount of education.
Truth - Special Ed. teachers do have more responsibilities than regular educators (IEP, case managers etc.)

Just had to set everyone straight.

micromanagers

Micromanager - a person usually in a supervisory position that needs to control every movement of the people/person they supervise.

My supervisor is a micromanager. I believe this is the second year that my supervisor or process coordinator has worked in this position. As a membership development director at Girl Scouts, I also held a position that supervised people -volunteer (as many as 200-300). While I see the difference in the number of people we have experience in supervising and that the jobs on the whole are different, managing people is not. There are several ways to manage people, several hundreds of books written on the subject. Any one of these books would help my supervisor (do I hear anonymous Christmas gift??!!). As a micromanager she feels the need to exercise her power in negative ways. She writes evaluations with only negative information on them. She points out people's faults in the middle of a team meeting (with all your peers around). She has to oversee every piece of written information given to parents, every decision made for every child in our building. These are the major things, there are several small things that I could discuss here as well. Please don't think that I am not open to seeing that she might feel or have been told that this is in fact her actual job. But any person put into a management position, or even an educational one (working directly with kids) should understand that for every negative, bring three positives. And that you should never call someone (kid or adult) out in front of their peers, that is bully behavior (and several more professional words that I can't remember right now). A person put into management also might know that the people they are managing are professionals, some with a higher degree of education than themselves. They should be treated as such, and when they don't meet expectations, coach them on to being better - give them the knowledge or places where they can gain knowledge to be better at the job. Give them support. And above all, a manager should know that if you expect something from someone, make it known, make your expectations clear from the get go so there are no questions.
These are my 'secrets' to being a quality teacher. It can be so frustrating for me to work with/for someone that can't uphold them or doesn't know how herself. She continually makes comments about how 'literal' I am. This bothers me. I am not a 'literal' person, but I do expect to have the knowledge to do things right the first time. My supervisor does not give that to me. I think it's because she doesn't know until she gets it. And there is some trickle down from her direct supervisor - not all this is on her.
She is just so frustrating to me.
I'm curious to know how many other of my fellow special education teachers out there have to have every piece of document completed before the meeting actually happens? The IEP, the notice of action, manifestation determination, ammendment to the IEP -everything.

Speaking of the notice of action - since when did we have to fill those out for every little thing? And the wording is so awkward - what urban parent is going to be able to understand it? I feel like everytime I have to use the bathroom I need to fill out a notice of action and have her check it over before I go. Ridiculous.

Enough of my rant. I've chosen the higher road this year to just do what people tell me to do, and go above and beyond for the kids like normal. I feel that there will be a door available for me to open, and when that time comes, open sesame!

I live for weekends.

This was a great weekend. I have some good pics to share. We celebrated my best friend, Brian's birthday. We went to a Japanese steak house, the kind where they cook in front of you and try to throw shrimp into your mouth.


Here's the crew that went, and normally goes. From left to right, if my memory serves right - Brian, Me, Jesse, Celinda and Clinton.

I bought Brian his first Sake experience. It was fun. Sake is good after the first little sips. I also learned from Jesse that, like wine, there are different types of Sake and that it can be dry, or sweet (probably not 'our' sweet). I think Sake just adds to the experience.


Here's our chef making a flaming volcano out of onions. He had a little story to go with it. The fun part of a dinner at a Japanese steakhouse is the entertainment!

We ended the night at Brian's house eating delicious cake he made and Stacey (Gavin's wife) frosted. Brian was very specific about how he wanted his cake frosted. He wanted a black white cake (think Seinfeld black white cookie, or if you've been to NYC - the black white cookie). So Stacey made that happen. It was a great cake and a great end of a great night.

Nights where I just hang out with friends, be it out at dinner or at someone's house, are my favorite. They just leave me with a good feeling.