summer check in

Just wanted to check in and let you all know what's going on this summer so far (20 days in).

-routine?  I haven't gotten into one, mainly because last week I had volleyball camp and worked in my new classroom.  I do try to walk Maggie every day.  We usually go about a mile or mile and a half.  Maggie can be challenging to walk, I have to pull her for most of the way.  She is getting better.  If I could make a dream routine - I'd be getting up around 7:30, walking, breakfast, clean/organize/do a task, work out/ride my bike, lunch, clean/organize, nap/read/lay in the sun, get ready for the evening - depends on what's going on.  This is the routine I had going the first week of summer, maybe I'll get back to it. 
-outings?  I've been doing plenty of things.  I saw and met the creators of the documentary American Ghost Hunter.  I saw Chelsea Handler.  I have been out and about several times with friends.  I have seen Hangover 2.  I'm sure there are several outings I'm missing, but I can't think of them.
-summer job?  Yes, I had a summer job dropped in my lap. Most days I wish I had never taken it.  But it is an interesting job for me.  I'm a hostess at one of my very favorite breweries in Kansas City - 75th St. Brewery.  It has been really eye opening as to how the industry really works and what goes on behind doors.  The job itself is pretty easy, but we work really hard if it's busy.  There's a lot of responsibilities. 
I'll be happy to get that $$ and put it away for a weekend trip or something.
-trips?  Well, I loved Okoboji, IA so much last summer that I'm heading back.  I'm staying with my friend Carrie and her parents.  I have the best memories from last year, and I'm looking forward to making some more.  Okoboji is awesome because you can bike everywhere.  The weather is not as hot as here in KC, so biking isn't such a sweaty dehydrated mess.  I think that Carrie and I are going to try and ride the 50 mile for BRASL this year - which will have us riding in 3 states if I remember right.  I am hoping that my Schwinn is everything I want it to be so I can ride it.
I'm also heading to Springfield to see the Logan's, which will probably also turn into a trip to see a friend that is moving to West Plains (she's going to be the asst. band director there!).  So - Stacy if you want to hang for an evening - let me know.  I'll be down to see the Logan's around July 22-24, at least that is our plans - I will have to look at my $$ situation as that is right at the end of my paycheck, and sometimes I have $$ and sometimes I don't.  I won't get my big paycheck until July 25.  But I'm making a valiant effort to start saving money and being better about spending.  
-bikes?  Yes, I bought a Schwinn road bike off Craigslist.  I think it's from the 80's, or at least am hoping it is (that is before Schwinn sold out).  I have it now up to Family Bicycles getting tuned up, new peddles (with clips!!) and a water bottle holder.  I'm excited about the new peddles because one side has clips and the other is just flat so I can wear any shoes on it.  I hope this helps with the clips transition. 

I am not quite ready to put anything else on here. I am trying not to feel like summer is slipping through my hands.  But I kind of feel like that.  There is just so much going on - however I do have lots of things to look forward to. 

The best thing

about teaching is the new beginnings.  It's also the best thing about living.  I'm thankful today for new beginnings.  I know that I can start new this week.  After closing out a school year, and escalating a situation to near stupidity I can feel celebrated and forgive myself and move on to this summer.
Last summer I felt so good.  It was a real turning point in my life. I was truly happy and healthy.  I felt good, the best I have ever felt. 
My mission this summer is to feel that way again.  I begin this mission starting tomorrow (new beginnings).  I am looking forward to waking up early and making the most of my day.  While I don't have to work, I have plenty of goals to accomplish this summer.  
                                           
Here are a few of the goals:  clean ( I mean REALLY clean) the house.   Clean out the spare bedroom (tossing the bed, extra crap I don't use that I keep in there - hoping to get a daybed with trundle).  Get a better handle on my finances - maybe develop a better budget...just something to start saving money and feel good about having paid everything off.  Above all those things, being good to myself, eating healthy, being active everyday.  As much as I'd like to loose weight, it's more about feeling good and healthy.  Right now I don't.  And of course, I just want to find that happiness again.  It radiated throughout the entire school year (coming and going of course).  But I know I still felt it at the end of the year.  I'd like to be able to just recall

  or feel it whenever I want.  Being positive is completely addictive.  I am totally and wholly addicted. 
I'd like to get out of Kansas City at some point as well.  I have Okoboji, IA in July, but nothing else planned.  I need some other plans! 
Be well and Live well.  

gratitude

I am so thankful.  In honor and memory of all people fallen over tragedy and those brave enough to be in the armed forces.  I have gratitude for the following:

-living, and being able to live my life comfortably and without any major life altering problems currently.
-being surrounded (close and far away) with people who love and support me, unconditionally.
-having a house that is standing, and secure and  feels lived in, inviting and warm.
-knowing who I am
-having found biking as a hobby, and friends that bike too, definitely one of my greatest gifts to myself
-having found peace of mind about my thoughts and inner conflicts with organized religion
-being able to remember that what you put out there comes back to you, and always trying to put my best and most positive out there.
-summer vacation
-the ability to look forward and feel positive about upcoming new adventures
-the ability to listen to my inner voice, it always guides me in the right direction.
-and lastly, the ability to enjoy this moment
-OH and also, I am sooooo grateful for a brother who knows computers and fixes mine from viruses on a regular occasion. 

It's Official

I will be the 6th grade Science Teacher at Center Middle School next year.  Same school, same principal, just a different (less demanding) job.  I am very excited for this opportunity and to close the Special Education chapter.  I love the excitement of putting together a whole new classroom and feeling like a first year excited teacher again (except with 8 years of experience). 

church.

I'm not a church goer.  I can't even say that I do much prayin'.  I try to serve fellow humans the best I can and keep my mind on the present more than on the past or the future (if you read, you know I struggle with the later).  But on Sunday I was up early (doing the Trolley Run), and I was riding my bike up to Waldo (who can afford gas..) and I realized that the ride, the outdoors, the crisp air, my frozen fingers were my perfect church.  My perfect moment to praise living and being a part of all that is living.  And it was tenfold by arriving to do a 4 mile run which had 11,000 people attending.  There is something church like about participating in something so much bigger than yourself.  Life affects everyone, I try to remember that in hopes that others remember it when I slip up.  Itsn't it always the best to run into a most caring, and understanding individual on the days when you could care less about the world.  I find that the best friends often started as those people who ran into at your worst, but believed in your best.   

life

Too many reminders in the last few weeks that life is short and you must take care of yourself while living it.  Please take care of yourselves.


Prayers for:

Mary's dad who had some unexplained seizures this week. 
Dan Barnett, a NWMSU friend, who was in a really bad motorcycle accident this weekend.
My uncle John who had his knee replaced this week.
My parents, who are fine, but I worry about them all the time. 
My brother, because I worry about him too.
My amazing colleague, friend and principal, Nicole, who is making some tough decisions in her life.
Bethany and Kelly who are bringing life into this world soon.
Everyone, especially teachers, who are without a job, or will be without one for the next school year.


May we all take care of ourselves so we can be the best vehicle for service to one another.  Be kind. Stop stressing out about small stuff and remind yourself of this moment, because that moment could always be your last.

Check out Gavin Lendt

One of my best friends composes music.  He is trying to get into the wedding music scene.  If you have friends or know of someone who is getting married, please let them know about Gavin.  He will compose unique music for the wedding - making it personal to the bride and groom.  I've been in several weddings (including his own) that he's done and it is AMAZING!   It's affordable as well since he's just starting off. 
As always, you can contact me or just contact Gavin through his website:

www.lendtmusik.com    - It's linked to all the Gavin's above if you just want to click on any of those.

It doesn't matter where the bride or groom live or are getting married - Gavin can compose the music for their special day. 

Check out music from Gavin Lendt

Thank you

There won't be enough thank you's for my friends and family.  I want you to know that you made me feel like I am worth celebrating - I got the message.  Thank you.  I love you.

Do I have time....

Dear almost 34 over thinking self involved ego,
I know you are worried about figuring out how to let go and be yourself and really rock the world.  However, in light off all that is going on, maybe you should worry more about the world ending.  So many events are happening more frequently that really spell out devastation to entire countries, including the latest that might have an effect on the a good half of the world.  Maybe you should just drop the over thinking, and just think about now (you used to be good at that).  Enjoy your moment now.  Enjoy every bit of everyone and everything that comes your way.  If you want it now, go get it now (not really speaking of material items here).  Maybe the letting go or overcoming whatever is holding you back will leave once you realize that maybe this is all you got and you have to make the most of it everyday.  The universe would ask for nothing less.  No more struggling, it's not worth wasting the energy.  Do what you feel you should do in this moment (laugh, hug, say i love you, pray..).  Oh, and don't worry, you are very skeptical of everything - curiously skeptical.  So for real, maybe this is just an opportunity to overcome and let your true self shine out. 
Love
yourself.

birthday blues

It seems every year I get worse about my emotions around my birthday.  I'm not joyous about it.  I don't like thinking about it.  I've had one exciting thought about my birthday this year and I was in the party store buying confetti canons for my friend's birthday and I saw all the decorations and thought - I should have a party, but it is too late.  The feeling left anyway when I left that aisle anyhow.  I feel like I've done a good job of making goals and accomplishing them.  However some things escape me - the things in which I have no real control.  I don't like the idea of being 34 and really single.  I am sincerely happy for my friends who are living wonderful lives with husbands or wives and procreating and getting to live out those wonderful things.  But I do wish for them for myself and I'm just not sure sometimes how to be positive about not having that.  I'm happy for my life, my successes, learning from my failures and all the wonderful people that are in it.  I just don't know how to get rid of this feeling that I'm missing out and another birthday is coming and yet another of year of not accomplishing those wants.  I don't know how to put a positive spin on it.  I'm happy with my life - no mistake.  I'm proud of my accomplishments.  I love who I've become (mostly). I guess I just wish I had someone to share it with.
So...I guess that's probably the base of my 'problem'...now how to deal with it?  I just don't know.  But to put it out there in the universe, when you think of it or say it aloud, please reference me meeting someone soon and falling in love.  Maybe if we say it enough it will happen.

Do this! Tell your friends!

My 'chosen family' is very talented.  Among them is Gavin Lendt.  Please add yourself to his mailing list.  Tell your friends, have them add to the mailing list.  Tell you musically inclined friends, band teacher friends, friends that like music - let's do a good turn and get this guys name out there!  

been a minute

Computer was down for a while, and now I'm not trying to spend so much time on it. 

Good things coming.  Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts to the universe.  Good things are coming!

(I will say them when they are carved in stone - right now, just words, but promising)

Here's a tip:  use empty shoe boxes as a way to manage your computer space.  Wow - who knew organizing was so easy and awesome. 

Spring is definitely coming, even though it doesn't look like it.  All I've done today is clean.

quote

"I would rather be lonely than beat down."  -bls

In reference to snow days and work.

MY FAVORITE THINGS!!!

I decided I needed more of a focus on my blog rather than the ranting and ravings I have been writing for a while. I think I'm going to do some lists.  Here's my first one.

My Favorite Things!!!  (In my best Oprah voice "and YOU get one, and YOU get one, and YOU get one")

#1.  A new purchase....my facial buff.  Everyone should incorporate this into their showering experience!

#2.  A gift given to me by Celinda, that I believe her husband got for free from his company....my black Gear workout/sleep pants.   I love these pants.  I want to live in these pants.  I have 2 pair and will cry the day they wear out.

#3.  Nivea Original Moisture Daily Lotion.  It seems perfect for my skin and I love the smell.  I am not crazy about the ingredients.....however, love conquers all.

#4.  All things Zum (do you see a trend with beauty products...hmmm).  This company and all products are worth every penny! 

#5.  Lorina Sparkling French Soda in French Berry - This French soda brightens my day, I always get it when I'm feeling down or on special occasions.

#6.  JUST DANCE 2 for the Wii - LOVE this game.  I will play it by myself daily, but it is so much more fun with friends.

#7.  MAC makeup.  If you haven't had the MAC experience - do yourself a favor and hit it up next time you are in Nordstrom's, Macy's or wherever they sell it.  $50 bucks and you will feel and look like a rockstar!!

#8.  Charter Club Blanket, 3 in 1 snuggle wrap - It's bliss! 

#9.  Netflix - So many hours of entertainment, I wish they would get more videos online, but it still is one of my favorite things.

#10. My Coach purse.  It's been like 3 years since I bought my 'grown up' purse.  I don't miss buying purses or bags at all.  I love my Coach. 

taxes

Well...I just tried something new with my taxes.  I did deductions for the storm doors (energy efficient) that I bought this year, as well as my donations to Goodwill (I kept a list of everything I gave - $488 by the item list on taxact), I took the max for teachers (always have, always will as long as I'm a teacher).  I've never done that much itemizing before, guess we'll see what happens.  I figure if the money is there, why not get my piece.  If all goes smoothly, I will have enough to attain my goal I set out to attain 3 years ago.  Success!  But I have more goals to begin after this one is accomplished.  In my Read 180 class, we read a profile of a psychologist (Nancy Etcoff) that says that it's the journey to the goal that we enjoy/makes us happy, not necessarily the accomplishment itself.  Dr. Etcoff also said that money doesn't buy happiness....while I agree, I'd really like to find out for myself ;)  
Going to a new meetup group tonight - it's for single ladies with no kids.  Kinda sounded empowering, and I love the social aspect of it.  We are eating sushi and then going to a boxing class.  Awesome stuff. 

pep talk

There has been a lot on my mind lately.  I've allowed impatience and doubt and the unknown to cloud my better judgment.  While, I try to spend moments living in the now, everything I do has been masterfully calculated and sought for.  I am always working towards a goal or set of goals.  Everything I do is calculated into this.  Even if it's loosing control or being spontaneous.  There are several goals I have been working on for 2-3 years and they will be achieved this year.  I'm almost 100% certain that everything I realized for myself a few years ago will come to fruition in 2011.  Which means a new chapter or new goals will reveal themselves.  I reminded myself  of this tonight as I dove deep into the anxiety of the upcoming week.  I cried because I know that these feelings I currently have of self doubt and not being on the right path are short term and will come to an end as this school year closes.  Regardless of what the future holds, I know it will be different and that gives me more calm and mind rest than I could pray for.  In the meantime, what I have promised myself tonight is that I will live it up in the now.  I will remind myself daily that my life is not my work.  I will say yes.  I will make sure that I have loads of experiences to look forward to.  I will wake up early to look at my vision board while I'm drinking my coffee or eating cereal.  I will ward off feelings of depression and defeat by reminding myself of the positive and working out.  I will remind myself that it is only temporary, changes are coming...fast.

feelings

Only at my house, where there are no children, can you find silly bandz  in every room.  They are pretty much the only confiscated item I tend to wear and bring home. 
I've been thinking a lot lately about this overwhelming feeling that I've been having.  It's the feeling that I am destined for something else.  I have no doubt that when I decided to go into education rather than therapy I was following the path I was supposed to be on.  In the last few years, I've had a feeling that has gone from just a mere tug to totally overwhelming my life that tells me there is something else I need to be doing.  Something else I need to be utilized for.  I ask the universe daily, if not hourly, for some opportunity or a sign to point me in the right direction.  The farthest I've gotten is the acknowledgment, by myself, of the things that I'm most passionate about.  I have not figured out yet how to put them into something that I'm supposed to be doing.  I guess only time can tell.  The universe always answers in some form.  I am just impatient and want it all now.  I find it incurably hard to be patient and live into my answers.

what is it?

Is it stress?
Is it burn out?
Is it depression?
Is it being overweight?
Is it loneliness?
Is it the ghetto?
Is it the government?
Is it lack of ambition?
Is it sadness?
Is it an obstacle?
Is it societal norms?
Is it disappointment?
Is it lack of motivation?
Is it unbalanced priorities?
Is it the unknown?
Is it disapproval?
Is it unfinished business?
Is it financial hardship?
Is it boredom?
Is it age?