It's been a minute

Well...it looks as if it's been a while since I sat down to my computer. I really don't do it that much since there is a marathon of CSI's on at any moment that I am home. I have totally become a CSI/NCIS/Law&Order/Numbers/all other shows that fall into this catagory junkee!! I love them all and can watch them for hours. I'm not exaggerating, I have actually done this. My favorite is CSI-Las Vegas. Something about that Grissom.
Anyway....I've been doing a lot of things for myself so far this year. I'm getting my finances in order. In fact I talk to a financial planner tomorrow. Hopefully they will give me ideas on budgets and how to save money. I've also been doing more activity. I take yoga classes on Wednesday. I also do pilates at home as well as walk a mile in the morning. It's been a good stress reliever. I haven't had stress as much as I have had more bouts of depression. It happens whenever life changes.
I'm growing up (finally) and life is changing for the better.
Work is fantastic. I can't believe I have a quarter and a 1/2 left. Then summer. This school year has really flown by. January even...everything is just going fast.
Anyway...thanks for everything. Even if I don't talk with you on a daily/weekly/monthly basis, I think of you. much love!

New Year's reSolution

Have you ever noticed that the word resolution is actually, re-solution. No wonder people make the same resolutions every year. I've been thinking of mine, and I just don't know if I have one. There are a lot of things I will accomplish, but not a resolution. As I accomplish my 'things', I'll let you know. I don't want to jump the gun and then change my things. Okay--I just noticed that I was speaking in Bonnie language and not everyone can understand that, so on to a new subject.

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I am not too excited. I really enjoy the laid back life of doing what ever, whenever. I'm sure it'd get boring after a while. It does seem though, that this year I enjoyed it more than in the past.

I did not get a dog. I know I wanted one, but my two go-to guys said no. For two different reasons, but both had a good explaination. I still believe that I'm ready for that next step. So, if not a dog, then it'll be something else. We'll just have to see what that will be.

Happy 2006. I hope it is one of the best yet! It started off very well.

how much sleep does one actually need...?

You guessed it...I've pretty much spent a majority of my break sleeping. Not a terribly bad thing...probably not a good thing either.

Anybody excited about the New Year? I'm not too terribly excited. Anybody have great plans to celebrate?

btw....I didn't get a dog. I really wanted one, but I didn't get one. My house will stay pet free for a little longer.

Happy New Year! Cheers to 2006.

Happy Holidays!

Well, it's been a month since I last posted. Sorry to my friends and family. I've been busy with work. As the holidays come closer, the kids get crazier. Plus with shopping and napping and all, I just haven't had time after getting home at 6pm.

I had the best Thanksgiving ever. I saw Maure and Brad, they stayed at my house. Jackie came up on her way home and so I got to see her as well. We stayed up and had girl chats (except for Brad of course). It was just such a good time. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life.

My students really were great for a while. Then, they just got a little crazy. Disrespecting, talking back, throwing tantrums--sounds like a 3-5 year old to me, too bad these are 8th graders.
So anyway, my strategy is to have 'boot camp' when we return to school. I will from now on be known as Drill Sargent Steen. :D I cannot wait.

Other than that, while I went through a rough patch, I'm still seeing the boy. There's just no one like him. The good thing is that recently we've had the healthiest relationship we've ever had. I still don't think it'll really turn into happily ever after. But for right now, until someone else turns my head....I'm living happy for this moment.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I miss everyone and I hope your holidays are fantastic.

If you would like to tailgate for the Chiefs game on the 1st of Jan. Give me a call.

Break me off a piece

I love breaks from work. Thanksgiving break is much needed, and although all I've done is clean my house, I am feeling very relaxed and happy. Glad it's Wednesday and I am not at work.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and having my family here. My brother is going to cook and I am going to help. That is very nice. I hope to play some board games and such while the fam is here. I think it'll be fun for everyone.

My cousin, Maure and her husband Brad I believe are going to drop through--that will be fantastic. My friend Jackie is also going to drop in on her way up north. Very exciting to see friends and be able to play host. I'm really looking forward to it. So much, that I'm cleaning my house from top to bottom. Which reminds me, I need to get back to that.

Happy Wednesday!

Reflective Happiness

Reflective Happiness is a new and researched way to help depression. It's all online. You join this club for so much a month and you have people who are there for you online, like an online buddy. You also participate in some activities online that are supposed to help you see everything more positively. Bunch of hooey to me. How can being in an online group help with depression. Write a book, sell it to hospitals and therapists...people need help in person, they just can't turn to a computer everytime they feel depressed. If they do, one day they wake up in their mid-40's and realize that they have no one, except all their imaginary friends on the computer. I was outraged when I read this study. As you can imagine.
I'm still struggling with the boy and the breakup. Everything seems very final these days. Life is still going on. I'm having great times with great friends, doing lots of fun things. I'm being adventurous and busy. BUT....but but but but but but but....even as busy as I can make myself be, or as unavailable as I can make myself be, my thoughts still turn to what ifs and why's and why me's. It's hard to not allow yourself to sink into the depth of angst that lies in those places. It's even harder to pull yourself out.
NO worries, folks. I'm doing all right, staying more than afloat, loving every minute, and probably happier than I've been for a while.

Thanksgiving??!! I've got friends coming to visit, Maure and Brad are coming here, my brother will be here, my parents will be around. I'm really looking forward to this holiday. It's going to be a very good visit. Even if my kitchen table is very small. We might have it buffet style this year. Good times!

Happy turkey day to everyone. Call me! It's the holidays, we should hear from one another. much love, bon

The word on the street is....

There is nothing wrong with me. My blood tests came back fine. Supposedly I'm in great health. yippie. Well, then, I need someone to explain why I am soooo tired/exhausted all the time. Am I just making up for the last few years? Do I need to sleep less? Am I really depressed and we just don't know it?

Anyway...I hope all is well with everyone. Give me a call, let me know how you're doing. hugs. bonnie

It's been so long....

Well...it's been a while, let me see if I can catch ya'll up real quick:
-health: been real exhausted lately, more than normal...so went to the dr. and had some blood taken, haven't got the test results yet. Could possibly be thyroid or anemia...or depression...?
-work: sucks most days, I'm not having a good time, I lost my want to go in and entertain my kids and make them want to learn. They are whiny babies and it gets on my nerves
-family:doing great! My dad is going great guns with his recovery, although it's still a slow process, he is really working hard. I still believe my brother is going to be the best lawyer ever. My mom, well...we all know, she is the strongest woman in the world.
-friends: hmm...well....let's see....I need to talk to you guys more, I miss you and I need you..please call
-THE boy: ugh. ssdd
-Match.com: going great, might meet a boy from there that seems to be a good one....but you never know.

I can't think of anything else too exciting. And of course if you want details, you'll have to call me or email.

insert Bethoven's 5th here

It's over. finally.

Friends---what do I have to do to find a decent man? Really....I don't think I have the problems. I don't do anything weird in relationships. And you know I've asked around to make sure. There has got to be a man out there that isn't cocky or shifty. I however can't find him. If you find him, please send him my way....I'm not joking. Many of you met your husband through friends--how do you expect me to meet a husband without you hooking me up? I've exhausted the bar--we are all for certain on this one. I will not date a man that I work with--we know that this just leads to crap. So start helping me out. Give me some ideas on what to do, where to go.... I'm tired of everyone meeting and finding someone and then getting married. It ought to be about my turn.

What a pity part I can throw. I'm just so dang angry that I was stupid enough to answer the phone last night. STUPID!!!!! I've got to get away from that boy.

blah.

TGIF

Thank God for days off!!

The Eeyore Conspiricy

There is a dark cloud hanging over me today. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours and sometimes it's just dark. Like Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh, except I'm not complaining about it. I'm just going to take it for what it is. Realism...remember, I'm trying to change my fatalistic ways.

How do you deal with follow through? What happens in your life when someone doesn't follow through? What happens when they don't follow through countless number of times? They aren't trustable. They probably aren't your good friend, if a friend at all. I need some thoughts on this, so send them my way. I know we've all been there. What do you do about it?

Always a bridesmaid

One of my very good friends, Mary, was married in a beautiful outdoor ceremony on Saturday. The weather was perfect. Everything went really well. As maid of honor, I took care of all the things that needed to be taken care of, as well as the mother of the bride. The wedding was really wonderful and so so beautiful.

I've been busy with that for about 2-3 weeks now. I don't know what I'll get to fill my evenings now. I have plenty of things I'd like to do. One of them being making a quilt out of old t-shirts. If anyone has any advice for me on this, please let me know. I've never sewed much more than a pillow (in class) and so I think this will be a real challenge. But if I can get it done, it will be the most rewarding challenge.

I'm still enjoying my job. Although the afterschool program I do (which I love) I might be stepping down from. They want me to stay until 6:30. That is a long dang day. Plus, now that I'm more motivated, maybe I wouldn't come home and nap everyday if I got off work at 3 everyday. Anyway...that's coming down the line.

I'm working out and trying to lose weight. But it doesn't seem to be working. I don't do diets very well...so if anyone has any advice or magical cures, let me know.

I hope everyone is doing well. I've been laying around all day and need to go back to do more of that. :D

And the beat rolls on...

I can be so slow at figuring stuff out. Take life for instance....I always want to make everything such a big deal--and it's not. But I've got some stuff figured out for a while.
Weddings always make me a little crazy. I think it's because they are never my wedding. I'm always working hard on someone elses. It's always wonderful and I love being there for my friends. But geez...I get a little too crazy and think like I need to get married. And that is never a good thought. While I know there are good men out there somewhere and maybe someday I will find one, I don't have one right now...and right now is what matters.
I'm trying real hard to be a realist rather than a fatalist.
My good friend Mary gets married this weekend. It'll be a lovely wedding and yes, I'm the maid of honor. We had a fantastic shin-dig for her on Saturday. It was such a good time.

Nothing else on the hotplate. Everything is going pretty well.
Happy Birthday, Chrissy!!

To Whom It May Concern

If you call me in the middle of the night, I am most likely sleeping and will not answer my phone.

Dirt Face

Okay, so....I fall when I run on dirt. It's not pretty. We lost another kickball game tonight, however, we did score points. I actually made it to first base, but when I was running to second, I fell. It was another face in the dirt. I have to laugh that stuff off, but I've actually contemplated going out there and practicing running. Who needs to see me fall at every game? I'm a big ol' girl...no one wants to see that. How awkward.
Anyway, it was still a bundle of fun. I enjoyed the team we played tonight, they were a good time.

This week has been the longest ever. I've been thinking it's Friday since Wednesday. (yuck)

Forget the man comment, I'm off the wagon or on the wagon, which ever it is.

If you'd like to go running some bases with me before next Thursday, let me know.

I heart everyone!

and the pity party has begun

I ask why? a lot. I just want to know why. I want to understand the reasoning behind things. I yearn to comprehend the behaviors of others. I am looking for insight into why individuals make the decisions they do. Why is the behavior there? Why has it appeared? Where does it come from? What is the root of the behavior?

It is my want of understanding human behavior that drives me to do my job, to be a good friend, to ask questions, to be a good daughter, and to analyze ever tiny aspect of my life and the interactions I have with others.

Don't hate because I'm into that. Embrace it and give me honest answers when I ask questions, even if my emotions will take over. At least the behaviorist in me will be satisfied. Someone ought to be, right?!

By the way, there is a window by my computer. On the other side of the glass, but on the inside part of the screen is a spider. It's one of those scary shifty ones. It's all I can do to sit here and type. The only ONLY thing keeping me from freaking out is that there is glass between me and this shifty arachnid.

whew. I've got to go get ready, I'm going to win some money at the casino tonight. Mama needs a new pair of shoes....

The irony

The irony of my situation is that I've been happily employed now for two months. But when I get home, I'm tired and all I want to do is take a nap. I recently decided to take on Operation Second Chance. It's a program at the alternative school that is for students on a long OSS and are in need of earning some credit without having to go to regular class. So I teach them for 2 hours a day after school. I started this today.

Get ready for the irony: I have more energy today than most. I am not in need of a nap.

I guess I just needed to work longer. weird.

FYI: I've met a very nice man. I'll leave it at that

ttfn. b

Some Monday's just suck and other wonderful stuff

Yeah, so today is one Monday that sucked. My kids were in trouble before they even got to me. I'm so focused on academics that their behaviors are becoming intolerable. So, again, I must switch it all up tomorrow. It would be all different if they weren't so dang smart.

Anyway, enough about them, more about me. Ha ha ha. So...yet another girlfriend has fallen wayside because of a man. (yes, I'm shaking my head as I type this) My very very good friend, Shannon T. has found her a man. Yes, a man. And a very nice man. I am not jinxing anything, but folks, I think this is the one. Here is why I think so:
1. She stops calling her friends (me) as often because she's hanging out with her man.
2. She only talks about him, them or work in our conversations.
3. She sometimes avoids talking about them because...umm...yes, I'm still single (and you just can't talk about those things with single people)
4. She stops calling her friends (me) as often........tsk tsk tsk tsk

It's so funny, now that I'm old and see the patterns my friends eventually fall into. I don't blame Shannon at all, in fact I'm very happy for her and I'm sure that I'll be in the wedding. :D Which will be fun and an extremely joyous occasion.

I'm tired of being the last one left. Slowly but shirley they are all leaving me for a man. I'm just waiting for it to be my turn, to leave them for a man...but will I? I don't know....right now, I think I would never leave my friends for anyone or anything....but it just seems to keep happening, even to the best of girlfriends, like my Shannon. Maybe I'll fall into the pattern and they will be the ones telling me that he's the one, and we're gonna get married. OR--maybe I'll buy my own house, have lots of pets, especially cats, and just grow old with myself and my pets and my friends and their husbands.

Who knows what the future holds. I just hope it gives me what I'm supposed to get and that I'm happy with it.

Congrats to all you girlfriends out there who at some time or another have dissed a girlfriend for your man. I hope he turned out to be worth it and that your girlfriends are still around to share in your relationship. You've gotta have someone to talk about "that stuff" with anyhow.

Cheers.

Kickball is a real sport

I played my first game of kickball tonight. We lost by 13 points...but we had the best time. My kickball team is called Schoolhouse Rocks and it is made up of people from the Center School District. My first time up to kick the ball, I had a good kick, but fell on my face while I was running. I know NOONE can believe that...ha ha. It was hilarious. I tried to get them to give me 1st base. But the other team was hard core. I'm really glad I decided to do this. Come and see any of the games they are on Thursday nights at either 7 or 8 o'clock at Penn Valley Park. Our team is by far the most fun.

Other news....ummm...there isn't much. I'm enjoying my brand new car. My job is still good. My life is okay. I've recently realized that since I moved jobs and graduated, I've really narrowed down my good friends. Sometimes that's enjoyable, other times it's hard to realize some of the people you thought were great friends, well, just aren't.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week. I'm really looking forward to this weekend in KC, there is a lot to do.

Been a while

It's been a while since I made the time to write on my blog. Everything has been going pretty well. I still enjoy my job, however the honeymoon with my students is over. Which means that I have to be pretty mean all the time just to keep the control in my classroom. It'll settle down in a bit though and we'll start having fun. I have some really great kiddos.

I crashed my car last weekend into a median and ended up totalling it. It was quite embarrassing, during rush hour and all. My car wouldn't move because I had busted the axle, so I had it towed to a Ford place and then I caught a ride to the bar--what else would I do? And no, I was on my way to the bar, not at the bar already!! (everyone asks that...) Really, just don't look down at your phone to see who is calling...it can be the death of your car. BTW, I now have a brand new 2006 Ford Focus family sedan. Bells and whistles galore.

I hope everyone has had a fantastic labor day weekend. Mine has been pretty good. Spent a lot of time with the family and good friends. I enjoy those times.