10-29-07

This is my grandmother (my dad's mom). She died on Monday (10/29). I'm not really even sure how old she is. This pic is of her this summer. It was our last visit, and one of the best ones. For the most part she hasn't spoken much over the years - but this summer she did. I couldn't understand most of what she said, but she was still verbalizing. I know that she is in a better place and will be much better taken care of than she was at the nursing home. She hasn't known who I am for some time. It's been a while since she didn't really know who dad was. She had Alzheimer's. It's a very sad disease to see a family member go through. When my grandmother was young she was a teacher, like many women in that day and age. She also lived on a farm and raised 5 kids. She was always kind and her house always had a certain smell. We always slept on the 'davenport', also known as a hide-a-bed, or an explode-a-couch. She would make a lot of food, it wasn't always very good, but we ate it anyway. She made excellent lefse, a highlight of going to South Dakota for Christmas every year.

I'm not going to be able to go to the funeral. It was a very hard decision to make, but in end, I think it is the safest one. I am a bit torn up about not going, but I'm sure with time it'll be okay. She was the last of my living grandparents.

Boo!

Halloween


Adult trick or treating! Not really, but last night a few good friends and I got dressed up and went out. We went to a variety show put on by Spiceoflife productions (owned by friends of Mary's). The variety show is called a Donkey Show. They usually have all kinds of different acts and several live bands. It's cheap entertainment and always a really good time. And they do 'theme nights' in which you can dress up!

There's always an interesting act. Last night's interesting act was Human Art, titled 'Night Life Jones'. This art was a guy who was naked, except for a jock strap and had barbed wire coiled all around his body. It was real barbed wire. He wanted women to beat him with bats covered in sand paper. Sober, I can comprehend the psyche and it's need for pain and know that some take it to a very extreme level. But the beer must have got to me, because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't not watch it either. The more I thought about the disorders that go with this kind of behavior and the possible reasoning behind it, the more outraged I was. And then, I started thinking about what kind of people would actually take the bat and hit him?! Who is sicker? It really tripped me out and knocked my buzz off. I was not right for the rest of the night.

Here's some more fun pics - captions underneath!


I put on fake eyelashes for the first time.


My good friend, Pat, showing off his costume.


My bestest, Mary, the beer goddess!


Mary's husband, Cris, was a satan worshiping priest.


I like this one.


funny pic of Mary and Cris. They were in the costume competition. A killer bee won.

There's more where those came from! Hope everyone has a safe, but fun Halloween!

3 day weekend, sorta

Well, I got the day off today. Very nice. I slept in. The only reason I got the day off was because we had parent/teacher conferences this week. On Wednesday I had to teach a full day then stay at my school until 8pm doing conferences. On Thursday we had to be there from 8-8. Such long friggin' days. I did, however, get a lot accomplished. I was very productive. I am proud (but not) to say that this Quarter was the first quarter that I have ever gotten my progress reports out on time. They were so 'on time' that I could just hand them to their parent.

So I have today off. I'm doing laundry, cleaning the house and catching up on weekly chores. I do have to work tonight and then tomorrow at the salon. But I'm not going to let it ruin my 3 day weekend. So what if I have to work a full day and a half of hours at my second job over the weekend that I have off from my real job. (smell the sarcasm)

I went back to the dr. on Monday. I had lots of trouble breathing this last weekend. I was outside a lot and the air in my house is somewhat damp from the horrendous amounts of rain we've had. (I'm done with the rain). So I got another steroid pack and an inhaler. The doc also said that the rash on my stomach might be linked to these problems. I guess asthma and eczema go hand in hand. Regardless, the steroids clear everything up and the inhaler will help if I have any more probs breathing at night. Another interesting thing is that he had seen other people with the breathing at night problems recently. So there's something going on in the air. He also said all this will stop once it freezes. Well, freeze already!

I just got a surprise visit from the Jehovah's Witness! Weird. They left me some literature. I could go on a mile long view of advertising and religion right here, but I'm not going to. I have other things to do with my time today. Anyway, they were very nice, but I'm glad that I had to hold back my dog and I had my glasses on with wet hair today. The visit was short and sweet.

Happy weekend to everyone! I don't have much going on this weekend, have to wait for payday next Wednesday to do anything.

For the teachers....

It's Fall

Although the weather doesn't necessarily feel that way. I got a pumpkin today, so now I feel like it's actually fall and Halloween is coming. I've been so overloaded today. I feel like I need less on my plate or things just need to slow down. What's funny - is life isn't even near as crazy or busy as it was when I was in grad school. Maybe it's just me getting older.

Here's some fun pics of our pumpkin adventure. I went with college friends, Celinda and Brian. We had a great day. We also went to the Renaissance festival as well. It was my second time this year - but still fun. There was a lot of people watching today, because there was a lot of people there (last day of the festival).

Enjoy.

update

I felt the need to let those of you who read this know that I will once again be going back to the doctor. The dotty rash on my legs is going away, but I have a rash on my stomach now. It's an itchy one, but looks way different than the one on my legs. I really hope that someday I actually figure out what is wrong with me. It's been almost 2 months that I've been dealing with this now. I'm getting REALLY tired of it. My rational grounding is slipping and there are moments of emotional weakness. I'm not a crier, so this is hard for me.

I'll let you know once I go back to the dermatologist (so not happy to spend another $30, plus whatever it will be in prescriptions again).

sigh....

Arcade Fire

Check out this video: The arcade fire



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Not Scabies, hooray?!?!!

My trip to the dermatologist went okay. It was emotional. I had to wear a papergown, that was the emotional part.....and yes, I cried about it. The freaking gown didn't fit. And it was just an emotional day. But the big news is that I don't have scabies. I have some allergy. This is such a crazy ride! I have put so much medication on and in my body that I missed the monthly. But hooray - scabies free.

Tard Blog #2

I have written one before, but didn't title it "Tard Blog" I think I will from now on, if I have a good school story. As before, I don't mean to offend anyone - it's all for the shock value of it, plus it makes it a funnier story.

So recently, I got rid of two kids in my room. That puts me down to 5. One is suspended, so this week I have 4. It's been fantastic!

Sometimes as a teacher there are really funny things that happen that you want to laugh about, but can't. And then other times, there are things that happen that you want to laugh at, and can't control yourself so you laugh anyway. Today was one of the latter days.
My only female 6th grade student was blowing her nose today. Every time she blew it, D (another 6th grade, male) would make a face and a noise. The noise was similar to honk, I guess. But his faces got worse and worse, like more surprised/grossed out. I kept telling him to stop, but of course he kept doing it. I raised my voice, explained that it wasn't polite. Pretended to get mad - the whole bit. And then another kiddo, J (male, 6th grade) said, "Do you know what the most musical part of your body is?" That's when D pulls back in his chair like he is inhaling to 'blow a house down'. He makes this crazy face, thrusts his upper body forward and farts. There's nothing better than a fart on cue. I shouldn't have laughed, but I had to put my head down because I was laughing so hard I was crying. I think it was more his theatrical way of doing it, than the fart itself (although, I've been known to laugh at those). I thought it was funny enough to share.

the sixth glass

Thought this was really interesting - and a good read.


Do you know what dwells in the glass?” asked Ole. “I will tell you. There dwell in the glass, first, health, and then pleasure, then the most complete sensual delight; and misfortune and the bitterest woe dwell in the glass also. Now, suppose we count the glasses—of course I count the different degrees in the glasses for different people.
“You see, the first glass, that’s the glass of health, and in that the herb of health is found growing. Put it up on the beam in the ceiling, and at the end of the year you may be sitting in the arbor of health.
“If you take the second glass—from this a little bird soars upward, twittering in guileless cheerfulness, so that a man may listen to his song, and perhaps join in ‘Fair is life! no downcast looks! Take courage, and march onward!’
“Out of the third glass rises a little winged urchin, who cannot certainly be called an angel child, for there is goblin blood in his veins, and he has the spirit of a goblin—not wishing to hurt or harm you, indeed, but very ready to play off tricks upon you. He’ll sit at your ear and whisper merry thoughts to you; he’ll creep into your heart and warm you, so that you grow very merry, and become a wit, so far as the wits of the others can judge.
“In the fourth glass is neither herb, bird, nor urchin. In that glass is the pause drawn by reason, and one may never go beyond that sign.
“Take the fifth glass, and you will weep at yourself, you will feel such a deep emotion; or it will affect you in a different way. Out of the glass there will spring with a bang Prince Carnival, nine times and extravagantly merry. He’ll draw you away with him; you’ll forget your dignity, if you have any, and you’ll forget more than you should or ought to forget. All is dance, song and sound: the masks will carry you away with them, and the daughters of vanity, clad in silk and satin, will come with loose hair and alluring charms; but tear yourself away if you can!
“The sixth glass! Yes, in that glass sits a demon, in the form of a little, well dressed, attractive and very fascinating man, who thoroughly understands you, agrees with you in everything, and becomes quite a second self to you. He has a lantern with him, to give you light as he accompanies you home. There is an old legend about a saint who was allowed to choose one of the seven deadly sins, and who accordingly chose drunkenness, which appeared to him the least, but which led him to commit all the other six. The man’s blood is mingled with that of the demon. It is the sixth glass, and with that the germ of all evil shoots up within us; and each one grows up with a strength like that of the grains of mustard-seed, and shoots up into a tree, and spreads over the whole world: and most people have no choice but to go into the oven, to be re-cast in a new form.
“That’s the history of the glasses,” said the tower-keeper Ole, “and it can be told with lacquer or only with grease; but I give it you with both!”

The Watchman of the Tower
Hans Christian Andersen

The prognosis, Dr.?

You have to double click on the pic to really see the beauty...
This is what my body looks like as of 9/20. You're looking at a picture of my right leg (not so pretty, huh..). So far what I know is that on Friday - the Doc said that for sure scabies on my legs, but he's still not sure about the rashes on my arm/wrists that I've had and been talking about since August. He took blood to rule out anything serious, and I'll be visiting a dermatologist on Thursday. He gave me a cream that I am putting on at night - it's the equivalent to pesticide. I guess the little mites will die, but I will itch and have these bumps for weeks

I'm feeling very angry and upset. Seems very unfair that I slave my day away working for these kids, usually staying after work and coming in early. Only to get scabies from one of them. Remember I just found out yesterday afternoon - I'm a slow reactor - it's okay for me to be angry and blame them today. I'm still pretty sensitive - so don't joke, especially don't let me know how gross you think I am. Right now, I'm still allowed to say that I'm a dirty or gross girl.

I guess I'll know more. It's awful. The worst, worst feeling in the world. Sometimes I itch so bad I want to vomit. I'd much rather have a cold or pneumonia than this.

Reptile

I believe I'm turning into a reptile. Whatever it is that I have on my arm is not going away with the steroids and cream. In fact, I think it's creeping up my arm, even though that might be my imagination. So, if in fact, I turn into a reptile, I'm hoping that I'm some kind of dragon. Maybe I could blow fire - that would be fun. So I pose the question - if you could be a reptile, what reptile would you be?

From this weekened

Like everyone, I am not perfect. Not even on the good days am I close to perfect. Lately I've been thinking about the reactions to my actions. I live with the knowledge that I have no regrets. Every action has a consequence, be it good or bad. Every decision I make is mine, and mine alone. I am to blame for all the goes wrong and all that goes right. I am steadfast in this belief. One of few convictions that I will forever stick by.

My actions. Recently, I have got my power back. I've started to really find something wonderful and likable in everyone. I've started to play with ideas of dating, and being in a relationship. For the last year I haven't done this, nor have I wanted to. I temporarily lost my power - you could say I was grounded for a year from a prior action. But I'm off grounding - and everything, EVERYTHING is looking good. For example, Saturday night was the WFC..I talked to every man that looked at me. That was a lot of talking, and a lot of ignoring. But every man got some kind of attention. It was great to spend my time talking, having great conversation and the occasional drunk guy that just wanted to fan up my skirt with disgustingly poetic innuendos. I was severely fine with my actions until I started getting reactions.

Action/Reaction: While I was listening to some drunk-guy drivel - a new guy friend of mine left without saying bye. This bothered me terribly. Why would you leave without saying by to the people you came with? Because while he was hanging out, I was busy listening to drunk drivel. He's a nice one too. We had great conversations.

Action/Reaction: I totally let go of all this tension I had for another friend of mine and told him how much I liked him. Not a big secret, not a big deal. And at this point of the night, I really did like everyone. It's something that I told myself I would tell him next time we were together just to get it out there - and I did. He reacted appropriately in the moment. All was good. I did however turn to my left and start chatting it up with his friend and in a little while, they left. Had a great conversation with the friend - a drunk one, but fun conversation...and I can remember thinking, 'this guy is great too, i might crush on him for a minute'.

So none of this is out of the norms for any kind of drinking event. When women get drunk with power they use it unwisely. I don't want to be that girl this time. I want to be the girl who uses it wisely and snags a good man this time. But that means focus and time. Focusing takes skill - mine is VERY underdeveloped. Time - it's just something none of us have, I have cultivated the skill to make it though. This brings me back to the reactions to my actions. I think the only way to get the reaction that I want is to manipulate the action. It's all about shaping my skills. I really want to make some sort of reference to being an athlete right now.

It's back

So the rash turned into impetigo on my left arm went away, left a scare and is now on my right arm. But I caught it really early and went to a real doctor, instead of the minute clinic at cvs. He says it is an allergic reaction that last time probably turned into impetigo (since I let it go so long and fiddled with it). So he's putting me on a steroid pack and hydrocortizone cream. I was just starting to feel normal and not so 'dirty' and here I am back to being the 'dirty girl'. It's just so gross.

Happy Friday, tomorrow! I can't wait!!!!!

Cross Roads Music Fest

This is the best unknown festival Kansas City has to offer. It's a once a year commitment you should make! It was the best time, the best music, and the best people. Everyone should make a valiant effort to go next year. It'll be totally worth your time. And I'll be there! I won't miss another, now that I know what I am missing.

Check out the Spice of Life Productions to get a better picture of what I'm talking about. They also put on The donkey show, which is an awesome themed variety show. Love, Love, Love it!

Funky Fall

Fall is coming. This means many things to me. There's always lots to do and fun things that go on. A lot of group events, like festivals and such. Pumpkins and Halloween! Then it all just rolls into the holiday season and before we know it my birthday - I mean spring is here.
But the fall also means that inevitably my depression comes back. I've noticed since about 1997, that every fall I get depressed. Into a funk, if you will. It's not as bad as it used to be, and definitely not as bad as when I was going to grad school and working full time. But there's still a funk. I don't know that I will ever get rid of it. I'm sure a professional (and please, I've been to many) would say something about Seasonal Affective Disorder - or just that my clinical depression is triggered by something in the fall. In fact, they have said this. Most offer some sort of mood inhibiting drug or the famous advice of working out, doing things that make me happy. But we're going on 10 years, people. I've done it all. And yet, I find myself sitting directly in funk (not my kids funk, that is a different kind, and boy did i smell that today).
While it's easier to pull myself out, because really I'm only ankle deep in funk right now, I still hate that I am going through this. For no reason. My life is good. I'm happy. My job is challenging. I have the best friends in the world. There is nothing to complain about, nothing. So why is it that I am still sitting here with my feet in the funk.
I'm not really asking for advice or suggestions, rather just getting my thoughts out there. Writing them down. Being able to look back in 10 more years and say...hmm...still funky or thank God there isn't any more funk in the fall.
Maybe I should celebrate it and have a funky fall party. Maybe I should just keep about my business and not let myself get swallowed up in this funk. Maybe I should just reach out and let people know - it's the funky season - moods are a changin'.
I just find it odd. And wanted to write it down. That is all.

every day gets a little better

Just wanted to give you an update of how things are going in my house. I have to tell you, it is very hard to type with a little kitty getting all up in my business.

I decided to name the kitty, Maizey. It was in my secret list of names for kids. I think it fits her. It's unique enough to fit her crazy personality. She's such a playful thing.



Here's a picture I captured today while Maggie and Maizey were sleeping together on the couch. I think Maggie was sleeping and then Maizey kinda curled up there. Maggie is really being patient and seems to have accepted the kitty. Here's another picture that shows her patience and motherly nature.



It was so cute to watch Maggie wag her tail and Maizey try and catch it. Never once did Maggie get mad or try and nip at her like she had been doing.

I'm much happier now that all living animals in the house are getting along.

I did it.

Kansas City has this jewel of a diner - Town Topic. Many people don't go there. I'm not sure as to whether it's the lack of space to eat, the dirtiness of the trailer, the cracked-out waitresses, or maybe they don't like diner food. I was virgin to this place until I met Natalie. Then one night after having some drinks, she thought we needed a Truck Stop from Town Topic. I remember thinking, 'I need to call my dad and tell him I'm here. I'm sitting here eating at Town Topic.' I am sure I thought that because it's a landmark - and I've heard dad talk about it.
Anyway. That was the first experience. And yes, it was beautiful. My Truck Stop is a plate full of hash browns, eggs, meat of your choice (I usually choose none, but like the bacon), cheese, and onions. They cook it on the big grill and pile it together, cut it up and pile it on your plate. So it's all together. You also get 2 pieces of toast coated in that yummy lard/butter stuff they use in diners.
The sexy thing about Town Topic is that it could be like the first time every time. I love that.
After me an Natalie hit up town topic, I kept telling people about it. I of course couldn't remember the name of what we ate (Truck Stop) and lovingly called it a Hay Stack.
So - last night went in and ordered the regular, One Truck Stop with onions and sausage (natalie), One Hay Stack with onions and bacon (me), and then two coffees and two waters.
Our mouth waters while we wait for our delicacies. I drink up the coffee because it tastes like the best coffee I've ever had. [let me note, this is probably our most sober visit!] We get our plates and go to work like it's our full time job. I have never finished a full plate. Never. Natalie has done it once, I was so amazed. So we made it our business to actually finish both our plates. And we did! I didn't think I could do it - but I really powered through. I finished it and all the toast. It was fing phenomenal! I know I shouldn't be proud, but I am. I also don't think I'll have to eat for a week.

Salute to Town Topic and the best late night food I've ever experienced!

It's a girl....

Here she is! She doesn't have a name yet. Here are some possibilities: Flower, Daisy, Sunflower (sunny)
I'm really not close to choosing a name, although I think she probably needs one. If you have a suggestion, please email or comment!!

BTW - Maggie was so excited for her to come home, but hers is not so excited about Maggie. It's getting better - a little time and I'm sure they'll be best friends.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to the longest crush I've ever had....






Jack Black - picture from The Holiday