sneak peak

Got some new hair.....

Things I like about Christmas: Santa and presents

I know many of you don't believe in Santa, but he is real and if you believe in him, still at 30, he will bring you what you ask for - or just some really nice things. I was obviously on the good list this year. The picture will speak for itself.



Of course, you've got to have wonderful parents that do 'Santa's' work and still bring their 30 year old daughter presents from Santa. Eric was on the good list this year and got just what he asked for (tools)!

Christmas itself was fantastic. I made two meals - one breakfast (easy), and the second was glazed cornish game hens, braised vegetables, and potatoes a la Jaques Pepin (I might have that name wrong) Anyway - that WAS impressive and very good. I would much rather cook cornish game hen then turkey anyday!! Hint, for next thanksgiving. We played games, we played the Wii that Eric brought. It was a really good two days.

AND I got to see movies: The Dewey Cox Story, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Juno. All good and all very different. Can't even say which one I liked the most. I feel like I still have at least 6 more to go see that have come out recently.

Hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas and that it found you on the nice list, rather than the naughty list.

Things I like about Christmas: Friends

This week has been packed with Christmas stuff - going to see Manheim Steamroller, going to the Magic of Christmas (kc symphony), and then yesterday spending the whole day with good friends! We went to the Boulevard Brewery and took the tour. It was really cool! After the tour of course, we got to try all the beers. It was excellent. The beers on tap and fresh are so different from the bottled beers. It was a really yummy experience. Here's some pics from that:





Then we went to eat at the Peanut, a local bar with good food. Then we hung around for a bit, went to see the movie Juno - which was cute. I really liked the movie - but with most things I wish I would have known something about it. I didn't really know whether to cry or clutch my ovaries. Overall, it's really, really cute and has the best message about finding someone that just loves you for you.
After the movie, we braved the bad roads once more (did I mention it sleeted and then snowed pretty much all day yesterday) and went to the Brick to see a really good lot of bands. We saw OK Jones (i might be wrong on that name), It's Over!, and ACB's. A REALLY AWESOME show!!!! All very good music. The bar was having a bad holiday sweater party. So I'm including a pic with me of my very ugly holiday sweater. The sweater itself actually was more like a valentine's sweater, but then Mary got at it and we turned it into a chrismassy sweater - just a little hotglue and some ribbon - wa la!

Enjoy! I certainly did!


Pat was pimping it in his very cool Kangol hat, so I had to play along.


BESTEST in their ugly sweaters!

Things I like about Christmas: Lights

I'm really a sucker for Christmas lights. I don't personally put them up - but I really like to go and look at houses. Right now, my favorite lights in KC are this row of houses called The Candy Cane Lane. I took some pics and wanted to share with you. I don't have any of the Plaza lights, which are most famous. I will share those at a later time.

Things I like about Christmas: Family

My brother gets in town tomorrow and for Christmas I bought my family tickets to see Manheim Steamroller. It used to be a family tradition that we would see them in Omaha every year at their Christmas concert on our way up to South Dakota. We have not done that for a long time. And when I heard they were coming here to KC, I thought it would be a great present. I think my family will enjoy it. Both of my parents were very surprised that Eric was going to be up for it (or that I got him to go), so that's an even more special treat.

My family tradition has always been to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. So these days we usually go to Denny's or somewhere that is quick and open, then come home and open presents, hang out etc. I used to go to 11:00pm services at a church, but I haven't done that for a few years. It'll definitely be something I want my kids to enjoy when they are growing up. I loved holding the candle and then when I got older I loved lighting stuff on fire with it.

While it is now a somewhat uneventful season for my family, I do enjoy the time we get to spend together. And since I didn't force anyone to play games because I took a nap, at Thanksgiving, I plan on forcing everyone to play games at Christmas.

Things I like about Christmas: My house

I decided in my last blog to start blogging ideas/pics/whatever that promoted a merry Christmas. So here's my start of all the things I like about Christmas. I decided to start with my house. I don't have a lot of decorations, but I really like the ones I have. Everything has meaning - and so that is what I am sharing with you today.

This first wreath is my attempt to be Martha Stewart. When I was younger I received these silver bells every year. I have like 13 of them and never a clue what to do with - so I decided I would put them on a wreath. I am going to add some simple garland after Christmas when everything is on sale.




This was a very special gift. My friend, Mary, made it for me. The specialness of it is in the garland - it's all wine corks. She's been doing this for a few years. I started my own collection of wine corks a few years ago and I hope to add to the wreath by making my own!




This is a combined pic - my stocking and Maggie's stocking (Maizey doesn't have one yet) and then my table with the new cover that I bought last night at K-mart.




My advent tree! I don't actually put candies in it, but it is fun to move the santa around and watch the time fly.





And finally, I love my hodge-podge tree. All the ornaments, except for the balls, mean something. I've got stories about students or about Girl Scouts. My tree looks a little charlie brown this year, I think a 7.5 footer would be better.

Santa

Christmas is coming and I'm trying to increase the cheer so that it is truly a Merry Christmas. Here's a photo I wanted to share.

RIP

With life comes death. A 15 year old died this weekend, shot in a driveway. No other details, just that he was dead and there wouldn't be a public funeral. He watched his dad die the same way when he was 8. He said many times that he was going to be just like his dad. There were days where he worked hard not to be, then days where he would spiral down to an existence of nothing. He would often go on these power trips where he was invincible - most middle schoolers do - on one of these days he threatened me in a serial killer kind of way. 'So you don't value your life, Ms. Steen' Just an excerpt of our conversation. I thought about that conversation for 24 hours before talking to anyone or reporting it. I reported it, not to save my life, but his. Little did I know - we failed him. He ran away, came back, went to a crappy school for kids with no where to go, ran away, came back, was awaiting someone to teach him homebound. Then he went to a party Saturday night, and was shot, in the head and found on the driveway.
In KC, especially where he was found, with death comes retribution. It will be had in all the wrong ways. I imagine another 15 year old will be shot.
We need to choose another retribution and start actually helping these kids before death happens. We're not doing enough pro-active actions if they are walking into malls and schools and shooting people for no other reason but to make a name for themselves in the end. To draw attention to the nothingness that they have become.
The world is in serious trouble. People need to wake up.

Tis' the Season

I just sat down to read the two blogs that I read on here - and I've missed so much! I won't let it lapse again!

Thanksgiving came and went. I always have high hopes for a holiday filled with family and fun and while I have that, it's never as big of an experience as I want it to be. I'm sure it's that way for everyone in my family though - not just me feeling that. I'm sure it will be different once Eric (my bro) gets out of school. I was very thankful to have the time off! I really needed it.

I'm pretty excited about winter break as well! It's just nice to not have to get up and go to work. It's not my favorite year. It's not really much fun so.....

I am somewhat excited about Christmas. It's kinda depressing at the same time, but I've got such great people around me, it's hard to be depressed all the time. I always have lots to look forward to. Currently I'm looking forward to the following things: Friday - taking the day off or having a snow day, Saturday - strong ale festival, NWMSU bearcats play on ESPN2, New Years in New Orleans, Spring Break in Mexico!

I'm sure there are other things, but those are the events I am most looking forward to right this moment.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope everyone has a fun, safe and family filled Thanksgiving!

Short vent

I have one short vent that I need to get out there. I am really tired of selfish people. I understand we're all like that at some times - and that I've had my fair share of moments. But right now, I feel like in my everyday life, I am surrounded by selfish people. A friendship goes both ways - time for you and time for me. A really good rule of thumb is that for every time someone listens to you, listen to them. And if you have a really bad moment and spill out all over someone, make sure you're there for them when their moment arrives.

That is all. I'm really psyched about Thanksgiving vacation!! A break! I can't wait! I'm actually in a fantastic mood and being very productive. I just had to get some stuff out. Therapeutic, this blog is.

the best of

The best part of today is realizing that tomorrow is Friday, finally. I think that Friday at 2:30pm is the happiest minute of my week, I'm so looking forward to it this week. :D

(see I can do it without complaining!!)

such a complainer

I am such a complainer - I don't mean to be. I think that things are just not going my way right now. I got sick over the weekend with the flu. I haven't had the flu in YEARS! But I think what happened is that my immune system isn't very strong and when I got my shot on Thursday it couldn't create the antibodies that it needed to fight away the virus. And so I got sick. But of course today when I woke up (late), I felt okay enough to go to work, plus it was too late to call in. I'm really tired of always having some kind of physical illness or problem. I'm ready to feel 100% again.
I'm also really tired of my complaining so this will be it. Maybe my luck will change once I stop complaining about all that is going wrong....it's a theory anyhow.

arg

So said letter that I wrote yesterday about getting a student a personal para didn't flip like I wanted it to. I cannot believe the inconsistent answers and attacks on work ethic that I am getting. The big boss came over to someone else's classroom today. She stopped by mine, and I was thinking that she just came over to observe my student. Well, I heard later that she came over because my room was noisy. Are you f'n kidding me?

Like Rodney Dangerfield is famous for - "I get no respect, no respect."

screwed, I think not

There is some sick and twisted pleasure I get from not allowing my job to screw me. They are really playing games with me. I want a personal para for one of my kids and they are just jacking me around and making me do all this work. So today, I put together a fine document that had data and statistics and all the key special ed words. It was F-I-N-E fine. And I sent it to all that mattered. And from my administrators I got cheers of hooray and good job and support. I think I floored my director. There is no question of what this child needs anymore. It just makes me feel good that I am on top of it and know what is going on and can relay that in words. I am really good at what I do, and they can't really afford to lose me, so they better not screw with me. And that is where I'm at with that.

awwww.....it gets better

So we already know that I'm hurt, bitter, and angry at the world right now. To further that, they are being stingy at work and not allowing me the personal para for one of my students. There reply is always, there's not enough money. There totally is enough money. I've saved them at least $600+ a month by eradicating a behavior intervention. (positive behavioral milestones, if you know that group) And they took away one Process Coordinator, so now our entire district only has 2. We see ours once a week if we're lucky. I know there's money. Now, I'd just like to know where they are rat hole-ing it. I can guarantee you it's not in my pocket. So, now I feel that the school is screwing me. I'm ready to try another one - although, I have a feeling that maybe they are all the same.
AND Sprint is screwing me again, for the 5th month in a row. This is ridiculous. In about a week I will be calling and trying to get out of my plan and moving on to another company. There's no good reason for calling every month since June because my plan is screwed up - all because I washed my phone. I really shouldn't have this many problems because I overlooked where my phone was when I put a blanket in the washer. Stupid.
So now, officially, I can say screw it all. Of course I would probably use worse language than that....but this is online and in writing, so in a nice way, screw them all, screw it all, screw everything.
It'll all get better, I know. And probably sooner than later. But I just had to get on here and rant.

A good lesson in this is that when you see the worst in things, the worse comes out in everything. Learn up, people.

distant and obscure ravings

There's a good scene in Bridgett Jones' Diary where she sings the 'All by myself' song, drunk on vodka, plays air drums, cries for her singletoness. Not all of us had times like these, I had them during my gin & tonic days. But not so much since. I have, however, slipped into an abyss of loneliness, and not just being single loneliness, but all around loneliness. Last week, I was just wanting the friends to come to me, to help me, to be there for me...this week I'm screaming out 'hey, let's have a conversation, let's hang out.' and I've gotten the same reaction - no answered phone calls, no answered emails, total ignorance. From my friends. People whose calls I answer, who show up at my door, who send emails needing to talk, text messages. I don't understand it. I was there for them, I thought it worked both ways. How many times will I learn this lesson in life? Probably a million more. I'm stopping here and going on though, a person shouldn't have to spell it out for their friends. I learned a while ago that you are the most important person in your life.

A good thing is that I am luckier than most, I learn from everything and regret nothing.

Disclaimer: this blog is not intended to entertain the masses, it is like a diary and for all intents and purposes used to record my thoughts during that time period and moment. Don't be worried or upset or pissed off, it was your decision to venture through my personal thoughts and feelings at this moment. Who knows, the feelings and thoughts could change in the next moment and be totally different...

Daylight savings time

Did anyone else feel like today was the longest day ever? I did. I don't know whether it was the hour back, or just my day - but it was the longest day. I'd watch tv for 30 minutes, and it felt like an hour.

Tomorrow starts another work week - I hope it goes fast for everyone and that you find happiness in it.

Alone

If you know me well, you know that being single doesn't really bother me very often. I have great friends and lots to do, all the time. Well, the scary-old-lady-alone-with-80-cats syndrome has reared it's ugly head. I haven't gone off and adopted 79 more cats, nor am I going to...but the fact remains, I am single. And no matter how you say it, with vivacious umph, or a whiny, give-me-pity voice, you're still single. And at the end of the night when everyone goes home with their husbands, you are still going home to your house where there is only a feline, canine, and gerbil to greet you. No man in your bed waiting. No one wanting to have a conversation. No one to pour you a glass of cold water and get you a vitamin.

Here's what I want the world to know today, before I put my black boots on and walk - is that all I really want is someone to have a real conversation with, where we talk about real feelings, and where I listen as much as the other person does. It's that simple. But where does a girl find that..

10-29-07

This is my grandmother (my dad's mom). She died on Monday (10/29). I'm not really even sure how old she is. This pic is of her this summer. It was our last visit, and one of the best ones. For the most part she hasn't spoken much over the years - but this summer she did. I couldn't understand most of what she said, but she was still verbalizing. I know that she is in a better place and will be much better taken care of than she was at the nursing home. She hasn't known who I am for some time. It's been a while since she didn't really know who dad was. She had Alzheimer's. It's a very sad disease to see a family member go through. When my grandmother was young she was a teacher, like many women in that day and age. She also lived on a farm and raised 5 kids. She was always kind and her house always had a certain smell. We always slept on the 'davenport', also known as a hide-a-bed, or an explode-a-couch. She would make a lot of food, it wasn't always very good, but we ate it anyway. She made excellent lefse, a highlight of going to South Dakota for Christmas every year.

I'm not going to be able to go to the funeral. It was a very hard decision to make, but in end, I think it is the safest one. I am a bit torn up about not going, but I'm sure with time it'll be okay. She was the last of my living grandparents.