Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope everyone has a fun, safe and family filled Thanksgiving!

Short vent

I have one short vent that I need to get out there. I am really tired of selfish people. I understand we're all like that at some times - and that I've had my fair share of moments. But right now, I feel like in my everyday life, I am surrounded by selfish people. A friendship goes both ways - time for you and time for me. A really good rule of thumb is that for every time someone listens to you, listen to them. And if you have a really bad moment and spill out all over someone, make sure you're there for them when their moment arrives.

That is all. I'm really psyched about Thanksgiving vacation!! A break! I can't wait! I'm actually in a fantastic mood and being very productive. I just had to get some stuff out. Therapeutic, this blog is.

the best of

The best part of today is realizing that tomorrow is Friday, finally. I think that Friday at 2:30pm is the happiest minute of my week, I'm so looking forward to it this week. :D

(see I can do it without complaining!!)

such a complainer

I am such a complainer - I don't mean to be. I think that things are just not going my way right now. I got sick over the weekend with the flu. I haven't had the flu in YEARS! But I think what happened is that my immune system isn't very strong and when I got my shot on Thursday it couldn't create the antibodies that it needed to fight away the virus. And so I got sick. But of course today when I woke up (late), I felt okay enough to go to work, plus it was too late to call in. I'm really tired of always having some kind of physical illness or problem. I'm ready to feel 100% again.
I'm also really tired of my complaining so this will be it. Maybe my luck will change once I stop complaining about all that is going wrong....it's a theory anyhow.

arg

So said letter that I wrote yesterday about getting a student a personal para didn't flip like I wanted it to. I cannot believe the inconsistent answers and attacks on work ethic that I am getting. The big boss came over to someone else's classroom today. She stopped by mine, and I was thinking that she just came over to observe my student. Well, I heard later that she came over because my room was noisy. Are you f'n kidding me?

Like Rodney Dangerfield is famous for - "I get no respect, no respect."

screwed, I think not

There is some sick and twisted pleasure I get from not allowing my job to screw me. They are really playing games with me. I want a personal para for one of my kids and they are just jacking me around and making me do all this work. So today, I put together a fine document that had data and statistics and all the key special ed words. It was F-I-N-E fine. And I sent it to all that mattered. And from my administrators I got cheers of hooray and good job and support. I think I floored my director. There is no question of what this child needs anymore. It just makes me feel good that I am on top of it and know what is going on and can relay that in words. I am really good at what I do, and they can't really afford to lose me, so they better not screw with me. And that is where I'm at with that.

awwww.....it gets better

So we already know that I'm hurt, bitter, and angry at the world right now. To further that, they are being stingy at work and not allowing me the personal para for one of my students. There reply is always, there's not enough money. There totally is enough money. I've saved them at least $600+ a month by eradicating a behavior intervention. (positive behavioral milestones, if you know that group) And they took away one Process Coordinator, so now our entire district only has 2. We see ours once a week if we're lucky. I know there's money. Now, I'd just like to know where they are rat hole-ing it. I can guarantee you it's not in my pocket. So, now I feel that the school is screwing me. I'm ready to try another one - although, I have a feeling that maybe they are all the same.
AND Sprint is screwing me again, for the 5th month in a row. This is ridiculous. In about a week I will be calling and trying to get out of my plan and moving on to another company. There's no good reason for calling every month since June because my plan is screwed up - all because I washed my phone. I really shouldn't have this many problems because I overlooked where my phone was when I put a blanket in the washer. Stupid.
So now, officially, I can say screw it all. Of course I would probably use worse language than that....but this is online and in writing, so in a nice way, screw them all, screw it all, screw everything.
It'll all get better, I know. And probably sooner than later. But I just had to get on here and rant.

A good lesson in this is that when you see the worst in things, the worse comes out in everything. Learn up, people.

distant and obscure ravings

There's a good scene in Bridgett Jones' Diary where she sings the 'All by myself' song, drunk on vodka, plays air drums, cries for her singletoness. Not all of us had times like these, I had them during my gin & tonic days. But not so much since. I have, however, slipped into an abyss of loneliness, and not just being single loneliness, but all around loneliness. Last week, I was just wanting the friends to come to me, to help me, to be there for me...this week I'm screaming out 'hey, let's have a conversation, let's hang out.' and I've gotten the same reaction - no answered phone calls, no answered emails, total ignorance. From my friends. People whose calls I answer, who show up at my door, who send emails needing to talk, text messages. I don't understand it. I was there for them, I thought it worked both ways. How many times will I learn this lesson in life? Probably a million more. I'm stopping here and going on though, a person shouldn't have to spell it out for their friends. I learned a while ago that you are the most important person in your life.

A good thing is that I am luckier than most, I learn from everything and regret nothing.

Disclaimer: this blog is not intended to entertain the masses, it is like a diary and for all intents and purposes used to record my thoughts during that time period and moment. Don't be worried or upset or pissed off, it was your decision to venture through my personal thoughts and feelings at this moment. Who knows, the feelings and thoughts could change in the next moment and be totally different...

Daylight savings time

Did anyone else feel like today was the longest day ever? I did. I don't know whether it was the hour back, or just my day - but it was the longest day. I'd watch tv for 30 minutes, and it felt like an hour.

Tomorrow starts another work week - I hope it goes fast for everyone and that you find happiness in it.

Alone

If you know me well, you know that being single doesn't really bother me very often. I have great friends and lots to do, all the time. Well, the scary-old-lady-alone-with-80-cats syndrome has reared it's ugly head. I haven't gone off and adopted 79 more cats, nor am I going to...but the fact remains, I am single. And no matter how you say it, with vivacious umph, or a whiny, give-me-pity voice, you're still single. And at the end of the night when everyone goes home with their husbands, you are still going home to your house where there is only a feline, canine, and gerbil to greet you. No man in your bed waiting. No one wanting to have a conversation. No one to pour you a glass of cold water and get you a vitamin.

Here's what I want the world to know today, before I put my black boots on and walk - is that all I really want is someone to have a real conversation with, where we talk about real feelings, and where I listen as much as the other person does. It's that simple. But where does a girl find that..

10-29-07

This is my grandmother (my dad's mom). She died on Monday (10/29). I'm not really even sure how old she is. This pic is of her this summer. It was our last visit, and one of the best ones. For the most part she hasn't spoken much over the years - but this summer she did. I couldn't understand most of what she said, but she was still verbalizing. I know that she is in a better place and will be much better taken care of than she was at the nursing home. She hasn't known who I am for some time. It's been a while since she didn't really know who dad was. She had Alzheimer's. It's a very sad disease to see a family member go through. When my grandmother was young she was a teacher, like many women in that day and age. She also lived on a farm and raised 5 kids. She was always kind and her house always had a certain smell. We always slept on the 'davenport', also known as a hide-a-bed, or an explode-a-couch. She would make a lot of food, it wasn't always very good, but we ate it anyway. She made excellent lefse, a highlight of going to South Dakota for Christmas every year.

I'm not going to be able to go to the funeral. It was a very hard decision to make, but in end, I think it is the safest one. I am a bit torn up about not going, but I'm sure with time it'll be okay. She was the last of my living grandparents.

Boo!

Halloween


Adult trick or treating! Not really, but last night a few good friends and I got dressed up and went out. We went to a variety show put on by Spiceoflife productions (owned by friends of Mary's). The variety show is called a Donkey Show. They usually have all kinds of different acts and several live bands. It's cheap entertainment and always a really good time. And they do 'theme nights' in which you can dress up!

There's always an interesting act. Last night's interesting act was Human Art, titled 'Night Life Jones'. This art was a guy who was naked, except for a jock strap and had barbed wire coiled all around his body. It was real barbed wire. He wanted women to beat him with bats covered in sand paper. Sober, I can comprehend the psyche and it's need for pain and know that some take it to a very extreme level. But the beer must have got to me, because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't not watch it either. The more I thought about the disorders that go with this kind of behavior and the possible reasoning behind it, the more outraged I was. And then, I started thinking about what kind of people would actually take the bat and hit him?! Who is sicker? It really tripped me out and knocked my buzz off. I was not right for the rest of the night.

Here's some more fun pics - captions underneath!


I put on fake eyelashes for the first time.


My good friend, Pat, showing off his costume.


My bestest, Mary, the beer goddess!


Mary's husband, Cris, was a satan worshiping priest.


I like this one.


funny pic of Mary and Cris. They were in the costume competition. A killer bee won.

There's more where those came from! Hope everyone has a safe, but fun Halloween!

3 day weekend, sorta

Well, I got the day off today. Very nice. I slept in. The only reason I got the day off was because we had parent/teacher conferences this week. On Wednesday I had to teach a full day then stay at my school until 8pm doing conferences. On Thursday we had to be there from 8-8. Such long friggin' days. I did, however, get a lot accomplished. I was very productive. I am proud (but not) to say that this Quarter was the first quarter that I have ever gotten my progress reports out on time. They were so 'on time' that I could just hand them to their parent.

So I have today off. I'm doing laundry, cleaning the house and catching up on weekly chores. I do have to work tonight and then tomorrow at the salon. But I'm not going to let it ruin my 3 day weekend. So what if I have to work a full day and a half of hours at my second job over the weekend that I have off from my real job. (smell the sarcasm)

I went back to the dr. on Monday. I had lots of trouble breathing this last weekend. I was outside a lot and the air in my house is somewhat damp from the horrendous amounts of rain we've had. (I'm done with the rain). So I got another steroid pack and an inhaler. The doc also said that the rash on my stomach might be linked to these problems. I guess asthma and eczema go hand in hand. Regardless, the steroids clear everything up and the inhaler will help if I have any more probs breathing at night. Another interesting thing is that he had seen other people with the breathing at night problems recently. So there's something going on in the air. He also said all this will stop once it freezes. Well, freeze already!

I just got a surprise visit from the Jehovah's Witness! Weird. They left me some literature. I could go on a mile long view of advertising and religion right here, but I'm not going to. I have other things to do with my time today. Anyway, they were very nice, but I'm glad that I had to hold back my dog and I had my glasses on with wet hair today. The visit was short and sweet.

Happy weekend to everyone! I don't have much going on this weekend, have to wait for payday next Wednesday to do anything.

For the teachers....

It's Fall

Although the weather doesn't necessarily feel that way. I got a pumpkin today, so now I feel like it's actually fall and Halloween is coming. I've been so overloaded today. I feel like I need less on my plate or things just need to slow down. What's funny - is life isn't even near as crazy or busy as it was when I was in grad school. Maybe it's just me getting older.

Here's some fun pics of our pumpkin adventure. I went with college friends, Celinda and Brian. We had a great day. We also went to the Renaissance festival as well. It was my second time this year - but still fun. There was a lot of people watching today, because there was a lot of people there (last day of the festival).

Enjoy.

update

I felt the need to let those of you who read this know that I will once again be going back to the doctor. The dotty rash on my legs is going away, but I have a rash on my stomach now. It's an itchy one, but looks way different than the one on my legs. I really hope that someday I actually figure out what is wrong with me. It's been almost 2 months that I've been dealing with this now. I'm getting REALLY tired of it. My rational grounding is slipping and there are moments of emotional weakness. I'm not a crier, so this is hard for me.

I'll let you know once I go back to the dermatologist (so not happy to spend another $30, plus whatever it will be in prescriptions again).

sigh....

Arcade Fire

Check out this video: The arcade fire



Add to My Profile | More Videos

Not Scabies, hooray?!?!!

My trip to the dermatologist went okay. It was emotional. I had to wear a papergown, that was the emotional part.....and yes, I cried about it. The freaking gown didn't fit. And it was just an emotional day. But the big news is that I don't have scabies. I have some allergy. This is such a crazy ride! I have put so much medication on and in my body that I missed the monthly. But hooray - scabies free.

Tard Blog #2

I have written one before, but didn't title it "Tard Blog" I think I will from now on, if I have a good school story. As before, I don't mean to offend anyone - it's all for the shock value of it, plus it makes it a funnier story.

So recently, I got rid of two kids in my room. That puts me down to 5. One is suspended, so this week I have 4. It's been fantastic!

Sometimes as a teacher there are really funny things that happen that you want to laugh about, but can't. And then other times, there are things that happen that you want to laugh at, and can't control yourself so you laugh anyway. Today was one of the latter days.
My only female 6th grade student was blowing her nose today. Every time she blew it, D (another 6th grade, male) would make a face and a noise. The noise was similar to honk, I guess. But his faces got worse and worse, like more surprised/grossed out. I kept telling him to stop, but of course he kept doing it. I raised my voice, explained that it wasn't polite. Pretended to get mad - the whole bit. And then another kiddo, J (male, 6th grade) said, "Do you know what the most musical part of your body is?" That's when D pulls back in his chair like he is inhaling to 'blow a house down'. He makes this crazy face, thrusts his upper body forward and farts. There's nothing better than a fart on cue. I shouldn't have laughed, but I had to put my head down because I was laughing so hard I was crying. I think it was more his theatrical way of doing it, than the fart itself (although, I've been known to laugh at those). I thought it was funny enough to share.

the sixth glass

Thought this was really interesting - and a good read.


Do you know what dwells in the glass?” asked Ole. “I will tell you. There dwell in the glass, first, health, and then pleasure, then the most complete sensual delight; and misfortune and the bitterest woe dwell in the glass also. Now, suppose we count the glasses—of course I count the different degrees in the glasses for different people.
“You see, the first glass, that’s the glass of health, and in that the herb of health is found growing. Put it up on the beam in the ceiling, and at the end of the year you may be sitting in the arbor of health.
“If you take the second glass—from this a little bird soars upward, twittering in guileless cheerfulness, so that a man may listen to his song, and perhaps join in ‘Fair is life! no downcast looks! Take courage, and march onward!’
“Out of the third glass rises a little winged urchin, who cannot certainly be called an angel child, for there is goblin blood in his veins, and he has the spirit of a goblin—not wishing to hurt or harm you, indeed, but very ready to play off tricks upon you. He’ll sit at your ear and whisper merry thoughts to you; he’ll creep into your heart and warm you, so that you grow very merry, and become a wit, so far as the wits of the others can judge.
“In the fourth glass is neither herb, bird, nor urchin. In that glass is the pause drawn by reason, and one may never go beyond that sign.
“Take the fifth glass, and you will weep at yourself, you will feel such a deep emotion; or it will affect you in a different way. Out of the glass there will spring with a bang Prince Carnival, nine times and extravagantly merry. He’ll draw you away with him; you’ll forget your dignity, if you have any, and you’ll forget more than you should or ought to forget. All is dance, song and sound: the masks will carry you away with them, and the daughters of vanity, clad in silk and satin, will come with loose hair and alluring charms; but tear yourself away if you can!
“The sixth glass! Yes, in that glass sits a demon, in the form of a little, well dressed, attractive and very fascinating man, who thoroughly understands you, agrees with you in everything, and becomes quite a second self to you. He has a lantern with him, to give you light as he accompanies you home. There is an old legend about a saint who was allowed to choose one of the seven deadly sins, and who accordingly chose drunkenness, which appeared to him the least, but which led him to commit all the other six. The man’s blood is mingled with that of the demon. It is the sixth glass, and with that the germ of all evil shoots up within us; and each one grows up with a strength like that of the grains of mustard-seed, and shoots up into a tree, and spreads over the whole world: and most people have no choice but to go into the oven, to be re-cast in a new form.
“That’s the history of the glasses,” said the tower-keeper Ole, “and it can be told with lacquer or only with grease; but I give it you with both!”

The Watchman of the Tower
Hans Christian Andersen