a new kind of hangover...

I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Here they are in no particular order...

-I watched that show, Big Love - the reality bachelor series with the fat people on it. I hate it. How stupid. Those girls need therapy! Most of them thought that people wouldn't love them because they were big. It was a sad, depressing and pathetic show. God, how are they going to feel when they get rejected by a guy on TV, not to mention their weight was put up there beside their name when they were introduced. They don't do that during the 'regular' bachelor - Here's Candy, she's 5'9" and weighs 98 lbs and is a size -10. I hate it. You wanna know what's wrong with America today - watch reality tv, while eating a super sizer from McD's...(I didn't do that last part!)

-I tried to mask my loneliness this summer with getting to know myself better and liking myself more. While, eventually I think this summer will turn out to be a turning point in my life, it was really lonely and at times VERY depressing.

-I see a lot of good things in myself, a lot more than I ever have. But there are times that are so frustrating. I know what I want to do and how to change it and when to do it, but something - some really frustrating obstacle/block - is not allowing my to get through and get to it. I almost feel like I'm waiting for a personal cheerleader, but I know that I just have to do it by myself. This makes me incredibly sad and angry and emotional because I don't want to be alone, I don't want to do this all alone. This feeling is at the surface of everything right now and I'm just not shaking it as easily as I have in the past.

-Some days I want to go somewhere else (far away) and start again, like a do over. But I feel so grounded here and unable to really go so I just stay.

-Organic, shouldn't it cost less? It is more cost effective with less pesticides and freshners going on it. Also, why doesn't everyone carry organic stuff - meat, veggies, fruit? I'm going to have to go to Whole foods or Whole Paycheck as the Morgan's call it. Because, folks, I'm going to go as organic as I can, just a personal decision.

-I'm actually ready for school to start. I've enjoyed my time during the month of July - the weather has been perfect. I saw a few people, did some stuff overall just tried to enjoy my time by myself or with friends. But I'm ready to move it on to something else. If it wasn't school, I would need a real vacation away from here or something else - camp? I don't know, just needing to move on.

-I wish Maggie (my dog) could tell me about her dreams. They are so full of yipping and growling, whining and moving.